Scotty Holiday
Australia’s PM has a new nickname
Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison has embraced his nickname “ScoMo”, an endearing badge of honour, affording him a semi-cool “Quiet Australian” status through cringeworthy colloquial Aussie slang. He hasn’t been quite so enamoured by the snarkier nickname “Scotty from Marketing”, an homage to his marketing background and keen eye for political optics.
Well, brace yourself Australia. The Prime Minister has a new nickname. ScoMo is now “ScoHo” as “Scotty Holiday” demonstrates to the Australian public just how much stamina he can muster during states of national crisis. ScoMo copped a lot of criticism over his trip to Hawaii during Australia’s most catastrophic bushfire season in history, leaving many wondering where the bloody hell he was. ScoMo, now ScoHo, has since learned that honesty is the best policy. That’s why, this time around, he’s not bothering to hide the details of his family holiday, during Australia’s second national emergency for 2020.
In a move of forthright honesty, ScoHo announced that he was taking a (working) family holiday, timed to coincide with Victoria’s second wave of the Covid-19 pandemic. ScoHo does not reside in Victoria, so he is really not obliged to think about it. His holiday will be an opportunity for the Prime Minister to bask in the glory of his hugely successful Covid-19 response, which has earned him soaring popularity.
Family man ScoHo has once again made it clear to the Australian public that he is not prepared to disappoint his girls – even in the face of unprecedented national and global disaster. They’re not Victorians, so… why should they suffer? It’s not solidarity that a nation needs to get through national crises. It’s footy, family get-aways, and a gas-led economic recovery.
It is his commitment to traditional family values that makes ScoHo particularly well suited to helping Australia navigate its Daddy Issues. Australia has not yet fully awakened to the constant state of duress the Federal Government intends to maintain during the pandemic and beyond. His fear of such an awakening led ScoHo to adopt the “Controlled Adaptation”, rather than “Elimination”, strategy outlined by the Group of Eight’s Roadmap to Recovery report back in April. The extra few weeks in lockdown prescribed by the Elimination strategy may just have facilitated such an awakening, jeopardising ScoHo’s Pentecostal Roadmap and undermining his “miracle” 2019 election win.
With Victoria far from ScoHo’s mind as he holidays in Sydney, an extra few weeks in lockdown during this second wave may be just the antidote to Victoria’s “Yes Daddy” Complex. The very real possibility of pursuing Elimination may emerge from its cocoon and into the collective consciousness. In fact, as arguably Australia’s most progressive state, a second lockdown may even be sufficient to catalyse Victoria’s awakening to ScoHo’s gaslit recovery response — “Adaptation and Resilience” — to more than just one global emergency.
So, will ScoHo embrace his latest nickname, aim for a hat trick, with Australia’s next bushfire season only months away? Australia may face a double-whammy if Covid-19 is still active next time we achieve the world’s most hazardous air quality. Score!
But as Australia’s abusive “daggy dad”, ScoHo is entitled to ask for the public’s understanding as he chooses optimal crisis opportunities to holiday with his devoted family. He will maintain Australia’s constant state of duress as we navigate through one catastrophe after another, while he puts his feet up for a much deserved rest. While Victoria may be ahead of the curve as it ironically battles to flatten the curve, it will take Australia as a whole some time to resolve its Daddy Issues.
Thankfully so for the Prime Minister. After all, an awakened nation does not align with a second election win, nor with the delusional apocalyptic beliefs dictating ScoHo’s leadership plan, as he guides Australia triumphantly into its Dark Night of the Soul.
Thoughts and prayers.