Summary

Scientists have determined the most appropriate stages in a relationship for initiating sexting, emphasizing that it aligns with higher levels of intimacy.

Abstract

A recent study has shed light on the timing of sexting in romantic relationships, suggesting that it is more acceptable and common during the later stages of intimacy, specifically the integrating and bonding phases. The research, which involved 133 students aged 18 to 24, applied Knapp's relationship model to understand the progression of intimacy in dating. The findings indicate that sexting is less frequent in the early stages of a relationship and increases as partners become more intimate, reinforcing the idea that intimacy cannot be rushed and should develop naturally over time. The study also touches on how technology has reshaped modern love, allowing for new forms of intimate communication, and emphasizes the importance of creating personal relationship rules that align with individual comfort and authenticity.

Opinions

Sexting is generally considered more appropriate in established relationships where a deeper level of intimacy has been achieved.
Relationships should progress naturally without forcing intimacy, as each stage is crucial for building a genuine connection.
Technology has transformed the way we express intimacy, with sexting being a product of this evolution, reflecting changes in communication and acceptable behaviors in relationships.
There is no universal "right" time to start sexting; it is a personal decision that should be guided by mutual comfort and consent.
The study's findings serve as a reminder to let relationships evolve at their own pace and to engage in intimate behaviors like sexting when it feels authentic and comfortable for both partners.
The article suggests that individuals should not compromise their own values or comfort to impress a date or adhere to societal expectations.

Science Finally Solved the Mystery: When Can You Start Sexting?

Does sexting even matter in relationships?

Raise your hand if you’ve never sexted with your crush. What? There are no hands up?

Everybody sends intimate texts to their crush. If you haven’t sent one, I’m fairly sure you’ve received it. Yet, sexting has become a dilemma in modern dating (as if it didn’t have enough drama already).

Who should sext first? How open should you be? How long should you wait to sext back? Should you worry they’ll share your private messages with other people?

It’s overwhelming, to say the least. Yet, one dilemma is a little worst than the others.

When is it acceptable to start sexting?

You don’t want to sext too early because you don’t want to scare your date off. You also don’t want to wait too long to sext because you want to keep them interested.

Timing can make or break your relationship.

Luckily for you, you don’t need to wonder anymore. Scientists found the answer to your question, and they tell you when it’s the perfect time to start sexting.

What the study says.

The goal of the study was quite straightforward. They wanted to answer: When is it okay to start sexting?

Before I tell you how they did the research, let me explain the different stages of relationships. The scientists used Knapp’s relationship model that defines five stages for relationships:

Initiating. You meet your partner for the first time and make your first impressions.
Experimenting. You start a superficial relationship and get to know each other, but you don’t discuss intimate topics.
Intensifying. You become slowly more intimate, go on dates, and spend more time together.
Integrating. You become even more intimate (here’s where you fall in love).
Bonding. You make a commitment and start a relationship.

Sounds like a logical process, right? The intimacy grows when the relationship develops. Yet, seeing it makes it more tangible (and it’s easier to learn when exactly you can start sexting).

The research itself was somewhat simple. The scientists gathered 133 students from 18 to 24 years old. After teaching them about Knapp’s framework, they asked in which stages they normally sext and when they consider it appropriate.

But no more boring science: I bet you’re curious about the findings.

“Sexting happens less frequently in new relationships and happens more frequently in established relationships.”

The research concluded sexting is more acceptable in the integrating and bonding stages. It sounds obvious, doesn’t it? When you’re more intimate, you feel more comfortable with your partner.

But there’s more behind these findings.

Don’t rush steps.

This research reinforces one basic rule of relationships: You can’t force intimacy.

Intimacy takes time to grow. You have to spend time together, learn about each other, and grow comfortable with one another. It’s like a tree: Even if you do everything right, you can’t make it grow faster. You just have to wait.

You can’t skip steps.

Imagine you manage to skip steps somehow. You suddenly become comfortable with your partner on the first date. You’ll still miss the internal jokes, the small details you love, and your story together. You’re “intimate,” but this person still doesn’t know the real you.

When you skip steps, the relationship doesn’t feel authentic.

Intimacy goes against our modern reality. Everything happens faster: People get jobs, make money online, send texts, and even do scientific research faster. Relationships come and go faster than the speed of light.

But intimacy invites us to take it slow. That’s why we struggle.

Next time you meet someone, don’t be afraid to take it slow. It might feel uncomfortable, but the relationship needs time to grow.

New forms of love.

You’d think love is a universal feeling. Humans experience love for longer than we can imagine. It’s almost a survival instinct. And you don’t change this type of feeling, right? Well, in a way, you do.

You can’t force love, but you can find new ways to build it.

Sexting is only possible because of technology (how could you send nudes in medieval times?). It changes how we communicate and what behaviors we consider acceptable.

You become more intimate because you have access to your loved one 24/7. Distance doesn’t matter anymore: You can start a video call and still feel close. And yes, you can send intimate pictures to spice up your relationship.

Technology changed the way we love.

I can’t say if it’s better or worse (and I’m not sure that matters). It’s just different. But knowing how these tools change your relationship can help you make better decisions.

Build your rules.

The research says people believe sexting is more appropriate during the later stages of the relationship. Yet, something doesn’t quite feel right about it (at least, not for me). I don’t think this is a right or wrong question.

There is no right or wrong in relationships.

You won’t find a perfect time to start a relationship, the right habits that make you happy, or even the right gender. Relationships should be about feelings. And feelings don’t understand concepts like “right” or “wrong.”

You have to create the rules that work for you.

It won’t be easy. You can take established models, but there’s only one way to find out what works for you: Practice. You have to get your hands dirty and experiment.

Any relationship that stops you from being who you are isn’t a good relationship. So if you want to sext your partner on the first date, do it. If your date doesn’t think it’s appropriate, that’s not the right person for you.

You get to build what’s best for you.

Final thoughts.

The results of the research aren’t surprising: People sext more when they’re more intimate with their partner. Yet, there are other lessons behind these findings.

Here’s what I’ve learned: Don’t rush any steps. Relationships are supposed to be fun. You should enjoy meeting new people and going on dates. So instead of rushing your intimacy, let things happen naturally.

Let me leave with one final piece of advice: Don’t do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you want to sext, do it for yourself (not to please others). That sounds obvious, but it’s easy to forget when you want to impress your date.

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