Scarred Happiness

Summary

The author reflects on their struggle to embrace sustained happiness after a life of hardship, fearing the potential return to less fortunate times.

Abstract

The article titled "Scarred Happiness" delves into the author's internal conflict between enjoying a newfound happiness and the apprehension that it might be fleeting. Having experienced a transition from adversity to comfort, the author is cautious about becoming too accustomed to this positive state, sensing an impending shift back to misfortune. Despite moments of doubt and self-sabotage, they recognize their efforts and the right to this happiness, affirming their resilience and victories in life.

Opinions

The author acknowledges a persistent unease about the sustainability of their happiness, given their past experiences.
There is a sense of unworthiness or imposter syndrome in relation to their success and happiness, leading to self-destructive behavior.
The author is conscious of potential negative outcomes, which creates a tension between enjoying the present and bracing for future challenges.
Despite these fears, the author asserts that they have earned their happiness through perseverance and struggle.
The article suggests a personal journey towards accepting and embracing happiness, despite the scars of past hardships.

We are meant to live a life of happiness, but what happens if you aren’t use to it?

Claw or scar, Halloween scratch and Happy Emoji icon by Изображения пользователя Iryna Shancheva and Sparklestoke/Canva.com

I have been swimming in happiness for quite some time now, wondering when the merriment will dry up. I have dipped my toe in the shallow end of comfort, now ready to dive waist-deep into an opulent pool of certainty. I dare not mar the mood with perverse thoughts.

I shall bask in the ambiance of a trouble-free day, primed for the vexing adventure that’s soon to come. I can’t shake the trouble lurking near. I can’t help but wonder when all the good fortune will revert to the spoiled, cursed nothingness of circumstance.

Life, returning to the meager beginnings it has always been. Is it meant for me to live a prosperous life? Am I hallucinating, imagining the omens that may befall me?

I am not coping with success well. Inadvertently I lay problematic traps, sabotaging the very likeness of the golden path. My soul is unsettled with the adventure of happiness.

I meditate and focus on the quietness that has me smiling, coming to the realization that the sunny side of life is continuing to chase the darkness away permanently. I’ve earned it.

I’ve fought for it. I have won. Yes, I have won.