Here’s Everything You Ever Needed to Know About Ordering Wine in Bars and Restaurants

No previous wine knowledge required

There is a huge gaping gulf between the way the general public perceives Sommeliers (and other wine trade professionals) and how we actually are.

We’re thought of as snobby, pretentious, and judgemental.

In reality, we’re just geeks who want you to have a good time in our establishment.

Never is this disconnect more apparent than when it comes to ordering wine in bars and restaurants. Many people think this a scary prospect because there are many (largely out of date) myths floating about as to how difficult it can — and should — be just to get a damned bottle in front of you.

Spoiler alert — it doesn’t have to be intimidating. Far from it.

Once you read this, you’ll never be concerned about ordering wine ever again.

Somms only want one thing from their customers (and it’s not what you think)

Believe it or not, there is only one thing Sommeliers and wait staff want from you:

Be nice.

We’re not bothered if you know anything about wine or not.

We don’t care if you order the cheapest bottle, or the most expensive.

Most of the time, we’re just trying to get through our shifts with as little friction as possible, hopefully meeting a few nice customers along the way.

My favorite customers weren’t the ones that knew the most about wine.

No — I liked the kind, friendly ones the most. The ones I could chat to and have a laugh with.

Be nice to us and we’ll be nice back to you.

I promise.

If anyone makes you feel bad for your wine choice, you’re in the wrong place

Along with Sam Dixon Brown, I was the wine buyer in my bar and store.

Do you think I’m going to put a bad wine amongst them? Or that I’m going to judge you for ordering anything from that list?

Nope.

Take it from me. Every single wine on a list or shelf has fought for that place. It went head to head against potentially thousands of other wines. It was chosen for its quality vs price ratio. Or because we know people are going to love it. Or we personally love it. Ideally all three.

We live and die by the reputation of the wines we choose on our lists, so you are super welcome to order anything. I’m not going to judge you one jot.

If anyone makes you feel bad for ordering the house wine or an unfashionable grape variety or something else, then you are in the wrong place. No one should be made to feel bad ordering a wine that a bar or restaurant has put on its own list.

That would only happen if that list has been created by someone who doesn’t give a shit, cynically choosing crappy wines at high prices.

If wait staff make you feel like crap for ordering something from their own list, get outta there.

If anyone makes a fuss when you send back wine, you’re in the wrong place

A few years back in a very well-regarded wine bar in Northern Spain, I was served a corked glass of wine. Not just a little bit corked, but horribly so.

I told the owner who berated me for knowing nothing and told me the wine was supposed to taste like that.

I left the wine on the table and never returned, despite returning to that town many times and even living there for a while. They never got another penny from me (because I spent it all in the rival bar down the road).

It’s not the only time this has happened to me, and every time it makes my blood boil.

No one should be made to feel bad for sending back wine they think has a fault. That takes some guts; it’s not always easy to complain.

I will say that the jury is out as to if you should send a bottle back just because you don’t like it (rather than it has something wrong with it). Usually, that’s at the discretion of the venue. But again, if you’re nice about it, good places should replace a bottle, no questions asked.

That’s exactly what I used to tell my staff to do.

If the wine isn’t actually faulty, then it becomes after-work staff drinks. If there is a genuine problem, our supplier will credit us the cost of the bottle.

No biggie.

If anyone makes you feel like an idiot for sending wine back because you think it’s faulty, again, you’re in the wrong place.

No wine bar or restaurant worth its salt should do that.

If you want a recommendation, don’t be afraid to price cap

Something I used to drum into my staff was to find out what price a customer is willing to pay for a bottle.

Because you can never (ever) tell just by looking at someone how much they are prepared to part with.

Some people worry it’s a faux pas to offer a price point, but honestly, it makes our life 100 times easier.

If someone doesn’t offer, I would always try and find out what their budget is (even just a ballpark figure), then recommend something slightly below, something spot on, and something slightly above.

You don’t want to be stuck with a bottle outside your price range, whether it be too expensive or too cheap. And neither do we. All that makes for is miserable customers and we’re not in that game.

And again, if you’re made to feel bad for your price point, (say it with me now), you’re in the wrong place.

Food and wine pairing isn’t as precarious as you think

Somewhere along the line, food and wine pairing got ridiculous.

In the UK, I blame a show called Saturday Kitchen. Watched by millions, a chef would cook a dish then cut to a wine expert in a supermarket (guys, WHY always a supermarket) who would pick a wine to go with the food in an unnecessarily long-winded and complex way.

Thanks to that show, a whole nation now thinks wine and food should be perfectly matched, nuances and all.

Nah.

Sure, there are some rules. A dry white wine with dessert is going to taste like shit, as is an oaky red with stinky soft-rind cheeses. Spicy food will obliterate crisp, light wines.

But if you only like crisp white wines, and you want it with your curry, then you go ahead mate. It’s your dinner, your wine, and your money.

Generally, most (decent) wines of all colors will work well with most foods. This is good news because unless you’re on a pairing menu, you’ll often have situations where one bottle has to pair with your chicken as well as your partner’s steak.

So relax. Pick a wine you want, not just because you think it might go well with your food.

And if a Somm makes you feel bad for that — I’m like a broken record now — you’re in the wrong place.

Ultimately, Somms aren’t out to get you

I was once asked on a podcast what I thought was the origin of the snobby service staff.

I was feeling facetious that day so I placed the blame at the feet of 80s films.

Think the snobby waiter in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Or Tim Curry’s character in Home Alone 2.

These sort of characters have made their way into our cultural zeitgeist and have unfortunately damaged the reputation of the wine trade as a whole.

In the 80s and 90s, there was for sure snobby service in real life too. But things have changed. Good restaurants — with good wine lists — won’t judge you for your wine choices, your preferences or your lack of knowledge. Why the fuck would we? You’re the one that’s paying to be there.

We’re not in the business of tripping people up or laughing at their wine choices.

We’re in the business of giving you a good time.

So the next time you’re concerned about ordering wine, remember:

• Be nice.
• Don’t be concerned about stating your preferences or budget.
• Don’t be afraid to send faulty wine back.

And if anyone makes you feel bad for any of that (I’m saying it for the last time, I promise):

You’re in the wrong place.