Saying Goodbye to My Wedding Ring

How could I lose something that can never be replaced?

For nearly thirty years, my wedding ring was a symbol of the love I shared with Patrick and my most prized possession. I rarely took it off because I was determined never to lose it. Now it is lost, and I’m afraid I may never find it.

The ring is irreplaceable, but the memories are eternal.

When my husband Patrick died in 2016, my ring became my constant connection. Something I could physically touch to remind me of all the love it signified.

I kept wearing it until a little more than a year after he died. I took it off and planned to wear it occasionally. I put it in the box with our daughter Camille’s championship soccer ring, a huge ring that I don’t think she has ever worn! And my ring was safe.

I waited a long time for that ring. Patrick and I discussed marriage early in our relationship, and we always knew that it wouldn’t happen until after we had both finished school, which would be six years after we met.

Patrick had three years left at the University of the Pacific, and I had four years left at Fresno State. After he graduated, he began attending the Chapman College/Children’s Hospital physical therapy program in Los Angeles.

We had a long-distance relationship for most of that time, which made the wait seem even longer. When I was close to finishing college, and Patrick had two years left, I thought he would ask me to marry him soon.

A unique gift for Valentine’s Day!

Around that time, we went out for a nice dinner to celebrate Valentine’s Day. He gave me a wrapped gift and when I opened it I found a package of plastic dress-up rings for kids. He had taken one out and replaced it with a small diamond promise ring.

I loved my promise ring and thought the gift was very creative. I couldn’t wait to see what he had planned for the proposal!

A Christmas proposal?

For Christmas that year, we were at his parent's house, and he took me into a room to give me my gift. I was excited when he handed me a ring box, but puzzled that it looked a little worn. And why wasn’t he on one knee?

I opened the box, and there it was! A guitar pick? He had bought me a guitar. I think his mother scolded him when I told her how he had given it to me. He acted innocent, but I believe he was teasing me.

Valentine’s Day, the perfect day for a proposal?

Next up was Valentine’s Day, 1991. He bought me a lovely outfit, but no ring. I wanted to plan the wedding that I knew would take place in the summer of 1992, but I needed to be engaged first!

I was getting impatient!

Around this time, Patrick started telling me he could not afford a ring. He wanted me to give him my promise ring back, and he would use it to propose.

I told him that was unnecessary. I was working full-time by then and could qualify to buy a ring. He didn’t like that plan.

So, I waited, and it became a frequent semi-argument. Patrick would tease me about being materialistic. And maybe I was, but I really wanted that symbol of our engagement. When I think about it now, it seems silly, but it was important to me.

An uneventful visit?

The next time he was visiting, I restarted the discussion, and he tried to get me to give him the promise ring again. When I brought up the fact that I could buy the ring, he sighed.

“Oh, whatever, the ring is in my backpack,” he said. I went and dug it out and then started dancing around and calling my family. He loved to tease me about that, but I know he always knew how much I loved him.

Taking off the ring

In 2017, it was an essential step in my grieving process when I took the ring off. I didn’t start dating right then, but I knew I didn’t want to be alone forever. Taking wedding rings off and dating are always touchy subjects for widows. I respect those who feel they could never love again, but I never felt that way.

I have always believed that Patrick knew how much I loved him. I know he loved me, and because of his love, I knew he wouldn’t want me to spend the rest of my days alone. I started thinking about dating.

The online dating game

I spent about a year on online dating apps. I met a few nice guys and interacted with some strange individuals who I suspected were scammers. Finally, I met Bruce. When I asked him what part of town he lived in, he gave me the cross streets a few hundred yards from my house!

Bruce and I had a lot in common, and we quickly became an item. We both deleted our online profiles, and within six months, we were broaching the subject of marriage. He wanted to know my ring size, and I got my ring out to determine its size. I thought I remembered but wasn’t sure.

Chaotic move

I don’t remember putting my ring back. I know at one point it was on my desk for multiple days. Why I would leave it lying out in the open, I’m not sure. I was remodeling my house to put it up for sale.

For a few months, there was constant chaos. I was packing non-essential items and putting them into storage. Many workers were coming in and out of my house. The contractors moved furniture to paint the walls and pull up the carpet for replacement.

I remember thinking I should put valuables somewhere safe. I usually stored the ring box in a dresser drawer. I sold my bedroom set and had to hastily empty the drawers into boxes until the new set arrived.

Packing and unpacking

Eventually, the remodeling was finished, and the house sold quickly. We had a reasonably short escrow and promptly packed everything. Bruce and I moved into our new home and became engaged around the same time.

I’m not sure when I noticed the ring was missing, but I was sure it would turn up eventually when I unpacked. Eighteen months later and I still haven’t found the ring. Bruce and I have been married for sixteen months, and I am wearing a beautiful ring that is a symbol of the unexpected love I wasn’t sure I would ever know again.

Still missing

I still have some boxes in the garage but I don’t think the ring is in any of them. I have completely emptied and searched my jewelry box numerous times and my daughter also searched it. I don’t know if the ring will ever turn up.

My theory is that the ring ended up on the floor and was rolled up and discarded with the carpet or the plastic drop cloths. I realize someone could have walked out with it, but I really don’t believe that.

I’m sad that the ring is gone, but I realize it was just a symbol. A symbol of the love that lives on in my heart. And the love that lives on anytime I think of our daughters. A love that is everywhere I look. The ring is irreplaceable, but the memories are eternal.