Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say.

Ways to communicate effectively to resolve conflicts in your relationships.

Some people will go to any lengths to avert conflicts in their lives. Most people would resort to lying or manipulating situations, gaslighting, or plain ghosting; people can take extreme measures to avoid the need to talk it out and resolve the problem that is bothering them.

Lack of open communication can create rifts in even an otherwise balanced relationship.

People cannot read other’s minds. When faced with conflicts, most people are programmed to looking at things from their viewpoint. Unless you are a self-aware person, it is challenging to acknowledge your faults and responsibility in a conflict.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung.

Why people shy away from an open conversation?

The best way to resolve conflicts and bring truth to a situation is to have an open conversation. But most people would instead do a vanishing act than let it vent out.

Here are the reasons why people avoid communicating to resolve their conflicts:

1) They do not acknowledge that there is a problem:

People can spend their entire life avoiding conflicts as if there is none, even when it is plain and evident as daylight. Partners spend their whole life avoiding the issue that is driving a wedge in their relationship.

No one wants to address the elephant in the room while they go about their business, pretending that everything is fine in the relationship.

2)Fear of being judged:

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” — Eleanor Roosevelt.

Every person we meet has similar emotions as we do. We all share jealousy, insecurities, envy, ignorance and anger, and many complex negative emotions that stay just below the surface. Yet, we fear that speaking about what we feel will open us to unfair judgment.

Speak up and repent for the rest of your life. The fear of being imperfect is so great that we do not open our mouths to resolve the issue, causing us many sleepless nights.

A simple issue gets more complex as it lurks in the darker corners of our minds creating anxiety, fear, and hopelessness.

3)Lack of trust :

“Love is supposed to be based on trust, and trust on love, it’s something rare and beautiful when people can confide in each other without fearing what the other person will think.” — E.A. Bucchianeri.

Conflicts occur when we do not trust our loved ones to be fair to us when we have our share of disagreements. Everyone has a hidden fear about getting lied to, betrayed, and taken advantage of in regular life. Not having enough trust in your partner or a loved one can make your life miserable.

As you live in a self-imposed hell of anxiety and suspicion, you dig the grave of your relationship. Before you fight with your partner about your lack of trust issues, ask yourself.

How relevant are my suspicions?

Are they based on facts or simple opinions?

Can I be justified in blaming the other person for the conflict?

How much did I contribute to the issue?

How can I resolve this without having any long-term damage to the relationship?

4) Inability to listen:

Lack of constructive listening is one of the common reasons for the breakdown of communication in relationships.

Like a round of a Chinese whispers game, our words are misconstrued and convoluted to bring out meanings we never intended to say. In most cases, the parties do not take time to listen to the words said and are busy blaming each other, aggravating the situation.

How can we resolve conflicts by being authentic in our communication?

“What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined… to strengthen each other… to be at one with each other in silent unspeakable memories.” — George Eliot

1) Practice being authentic in your daily life

We think action follows words, but in reality, those two go together. It is easier to express how you feel through your behavior than articulate it. Make kind gestures to show you are sorry or help your loved ones with their chores to show your loving and nurturing side when the right words do not come.

Practice displaying your feelings through your actions to resolve conflicts, where words are difficult to manage or are often not enough to show how you feel. Be true to yourself and others around you by your actions towards them, and words might not be necessary at all.

2) Cultivate trust in your relationships:

Building relationships takes time and effort from both sides. Starting a relationship based on a solid foundation of trust will grow stronger every day. Any conflicts that result in such a relationship, in the long run, can be resolved based on the intrinsic faith in it.

All relationships need work, even the most resilient ones. Putting effort to develop solid and lasting bonds in your relationships can help them endure the occasional hiccups that inevitably occur from time to time.

3) Build bridges and not burn them-

“The wise always build bridges in times of crisis, the foolish dig in and double down on building walls.” ― Itayi Garande

The parties can overcome conflicts or disagreements in a relationship if they intend to ignore the other person's shortcomings and consciously tried to mend the bridges. Unruly, destructive, and thoughtless acts can create an insurmountable rift in an already sensitive situation.

Communicate clearly to resolve the problem rather than cause hurt to the other person.

4) Practice listening:

“With the gift of listening comes the gift of healing.” — Catherine de Hueck.

When in the middle of a heated argument, we are often busy stating our perspective and not listening to what others say. We hear only to develop the counter-argument in a fight.

Effective listening is not limited to our voice but includes a good understanding of the body language that goes with it.

Practice listening with all your senses to understand the reason for the conflict.

5)Do not judge:

We judge our loved ones more than even our worst enemies. We can even excuse our enemies from minor indiscretions but never the people who mean so much to us.

Don’t be quick to judge and repent in leisure while dealing with the annoying behaviors that result in conflicts. Please pay attention to the situation to make sense of your loved one’s viewpoint before punishing them with your words.

6)Forgive and forget:

“Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” — Mahatma Gandhi.

Life is short, and the pandemic has shown us how things can turn on a dime. Do not take your loved ones for granted, as tomorrow may never come. Be willing to forgive and forget and release the grudges that prevent you from being your loving self.

Everyone makes mistakes in life, and forgiving ourselves and others can truly help you have a fulfilling and caring relationship that you long for. Bringing your authentic self to your relationships and opening the door of effective conversation can resolve conflicts in your life. Be proactive in your life and develop a habit of communicating openly with positive intentions.