Say No To Your Kids

You’re the boss, even if they keep firing you

Kids are smart. Grownups are tired. The end.

That could be the whole story if I wrote six-sentence blogs. I know some people are probably like, “Please! Write six-sentence blogs! TV is so much better than words.” But I can’t do it, no matter how tempted I am.

Writing a six-sentence blog would prove my point. I’m an adult. I’m tired. I want to go back to bed. I want to order room service at my own house. But, instead, I’m going to flush out the six-sentence blog. I’ll be exhausted when I’m done, but that’s the job. I’m a grownup.

Kids are smart. Kids will do anything to get what they want. Any-thing. Those who aren’t fighting with their parents might as well get a job, get a partner, have some kids, and lean into being tired. Skip childhood altogether.

Adults are tired. The trick to not getting worn down by your kids is not to get tired. How do you not get tired? Coffee? Cocaine? HIIT workouts? 18 glasses of water per day? More sex? Less sex? No-Doze? Red Bull? Uninterrupted sleep? Pick your poison.

Kids are smart. They yell. They tantrum. They bargain. They punch. They cajole. They resist. They refuse. They throw things. It’s effective because when adults do it back, they look crazy. Kids don’t. They look bratty, spoiled, out of control, in need of a metaphorical spanking, but not nuts.

Adults are exhausted, so they bend. They say, “I pick my battles.” They surrender. They stay at work longer. They stay in bed longer. They order take out. They run away from home. They start over and realize now they’ve got two sets of crazies.

It’s hard to be an adult. That’s why some genius ding-dong made t-shirts that said, “I’m not adulting today.” In the old days, adulting was mandatory. Now it’s not. You can act like a 12-year-old until you’re 80.

Parenting, on the other hand, is mandatory. Your kid can’t always win. Thems the breaks, but that’s your job. It’s hard to be a kid, but it’s harder without an adult around.