Say It With Pride: It’s My Fault!

Victim mentality leads to frustration and hatred. Take responsibility and get your life back.

It’s five o’clock in the morning, and the alarm clock rings. I have to be at the office in two and a half hours. I hate this job where I have to do what my boss says. I have to sit in front of the computer for at least eight hours every day and do work that means nothing to me.

The money I get is too little to afford an apartment or a car. If my wife didn’t earn twice what I make per month, I would be a working poor.

Every day I spend at least an hour in overcrowded public transportation, or I’m stuck in traffic when I drive to work.

My health is slowly going down the drain because I don’t get enough sleep, don’t exercise, and eat unhealthily.

When I have doctor’s appointments, when I have to go shopping, or when I have to do my tax return, I have to do it in the evening, after a hard day’s work.

It’s 2005, and I’ve been working for a year in my first full-time job after graduation. My days are long and monotonous. The prospect of having to endure this for a few more decades depresses me. This is not life. That simply can’t be life.

Fast forward to 2021

I get up at six-thirty, and no one rushes me. I have my own study, a laptop, and a cell phone. That’s all I need to work. I don’t have a boss anymore, and I decide for myself what I do or don’t do every day.

My stress level is much lower than it was back then. Every day starts with a feeling of freedom and potentiality.

I still don’t do much of sports, but physically I feel better. I maintain a healthy weight because we cook with fresh ingredients almost every day, and I can afford supplements that significantly increase my mental and physical performance.

I’ve been a full-time author for two years and make a living from selling my books. In the meantime, I also write on Medium, and gradually I earn some money here as well. Soon Medium will be my second mainstay.

How did these radical changes in my life come about? I took on the responsibility.

The power of words “It’s my fault

Until 2005 I had many big dreams. But these dreams did not save me from suddenly finding myself as an employee in a low-paid job that meant nothing to me.

I wondered how I had gotten into this situation. What had gone wrong? Why wasn’t I a writer, as I had always wanted to be?

The answer was simple but hard: it was all my fault. My situation was the consequence of my earlier decisions.

I was not a writer because I had not written books. I worked in a low-paying job because I had studied subjects at university that did not qualify me for a high-paying job. I was flabby and unfit because I preferred the couch over cooking and exercise in the evenings.

I didn’t have the energy to do sports, write and cook because I didn’t know anything about motivating myself and what the body needs to reach a good energy level.

In short, my whole situation was my own fault. It wasn’t because of capitalism, my wife, genetics, or the divine plan that I didn’t have the life I wanted. It was because of me. Period.

From that day on, little by little, I managed to regain control of my life and my future. It was not an easy road because no one changes overnight. The old thought patterns were still powerful, and the change in me was hardly noticeable from day to day. Only over time did this new approach to life become more powerful and eventually lead to noticeable changes.

That same year, I managed to get my first thriller into the Amazon Top 100. Since then, I’ve written twenty-eight novels and learned everything I can about self-publishing. For the past two years, I’ve been earning enough money to make a living from writing.

This was only possible because I acknowledged full responsibility for my success. I didn’t get upset about Amazon’s market power, didn’t complain about readers who aren’t willing to pay a reasonable price for my books, and never complained that the government wants so many taxes from me.

None of that is my fault. But It is my fault if I let it get me down.

Where you can take immediate responsibility for your life

Not happy with your fitness? Don’t complain about not having enough free time, but find a way to exercise.

Do you feel trapped in your job? Make a concrete plan to break out and implement it bit by bit with patience and confidence.

Is your partnership not as exciting and fulfilling as you would like it to be? Don’t hope that your partner will change, but change yourself. In a partnership, you do not share the responsibility. Everyone is one hundred percent responsible.

Don’t you have enough energy to work on your dreams? Then first, learn how to increase your energy level. Research on the Internet, read books and deal with psychology, biohacking, sleep hygiene, meditation, breathing techniques, and other topics that can help you get more energy.

Final thoughts

When someone says to us, “this is your fault,” we feel attacked. No one should blame us for that, and we shouldn’t throw that at anyone’s head either.

But if we say to ourselves, “this is my fault,” we can grow from it. This sentence can be our first step on the way to freedom.

I know from my own experience that this mindset shift works. You don’t have to believe all this at all. You don’t know me, and you don’t know if I’m just making all this up.

But you can find out for yourself how your life changes when you take full responsibility for it. If it doesn’t help, you can always go back to your victim role and blame the whole world for everything wrong in your life.

But I bet once you go down that road, you won’t want to go back.

René Junge a published author writing on The Full Time Writer

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