Savvy Kids Make Internet Safety a Tough Job for Parents

Take steps to keep kids safe.

Pure Sight says one in five U.S. teenagers who regularly log on to the internet says they have received an unwanted sexual solicitation via the Web, and seventy-five percent of children are willing to share personal information online.

These statistics became a painful truth during breakfast recently when our youngest daughter shared that she texted a new friend she met while playing the game Among Us. As parents, our antennae immediately went up. My husband and I looked at each other across the table in a wide-eyed fashion. We wanted to remain calm and not shut down any information she was willing to share. “Tell us more,” we said.

The way she describes the situation, she was playing the game and the other person struck up a message. We inquired, “What did she tell you about herself?”

“Nothing. But she asked how old I was and if we could be friends. I want a new friend because I can’t hang out with my old ones. She gave me her phone number and I sent her a text,” she said.

That’s when our oldest daughter chimed in with, “That person could be a 60-year-old man, wanting to kidnap you.”

And with those words, all the fears were realized. The situation ended with the youngest in tears, not realizing the danger she was in, and us asking to see the text thread.

Most kids are online every day, but few realize the dangers of what they might see as “innocent” interactions, or have the slightest inclination that the person messaging them might have ill intentions. Patch says more than 500,000 predators are online every day, mostly targeting kids 12–15 years old.

The chat rooms of the 90’s died down with the advent of social media, but chat rooms are alive and well. Actually, they’re thriving in most games your kids play online. We didn’t realize this until our daughter made a new friend and shared personal information.

We thought our kids were safe. We have parental controls blocking a slew of sites we don’t want them to visit, and every app they want from the App Store sends a request to us for approval. Additionally, we have a Firewalla Gold, for cybersecurity protection so we can see how long the kids are online, where they visit, and if they’re playing or doing homework. If the kids have their heads in their devices for too long we can shut off the internet for family social hour. It’s fun to see them poke their heads out into the real world.

Until online schooling, our kids have never been able to have any devices in their bedrooms. And even the adults in the house use electronics in the open. If your kids are hiding to use electronics, they’re potentially going somewhere or doing something they’re better off not doing in the first place. We use our devices in the open. That’s just the way it is in our house.

Sure, the kids play games. The favorite choices seem to be Fortnite and Among Us. We knew the kids could chat on Fortnite, so that’s always played in the family room. We didn’t realize the messaging capability was available on Among Us. We mistakenly thought it was just a game. And our youngest is the one extrovert in a family full of introverts, so it’s safe to say she’s always a bit misunderstood. She desperately needs real-life interaction with other people outside of us. She sent an iMessage, which also included her name, not just the name she uses on games. And the person, whoever it was, texted back.

Disclaimer: The kid doesn’t have a cell phone. She uses my old one to play with and it doesn’t have cell service, but she uses iCloud to connect to the family router. We’d taken all precautions we thought were necessary.

Once kids are online, no matter how protected they are, a predator who wants to contact kids can find a way to do so. Whatever way kids are most vulnerable will likely be revealed to someone who is skilled in getting kids to open up. There are inherent dangers to kids being online.

How can you keep kids safe? It’s hard to say because there are some inherent risks in just about everything we do, but interacting with online predators is a realistic possibility. I don’t share this to scare you, but so that you can have an awareness. Hopefully, your kids will always be safe. We honestly thought our kids were safe and this interaction surprised us. But the risks are even greater if kids are on social media.

Letting Kids on Social Too Early

Our oldest wasn’t on any social platform until she was 14, but the average kid is on social media around age 10. She lobbied hard for the privilege — for years. The few places where she connects with friends on social are through restricted accounts, and she’s connected to mom and dad too. It’s just an extra measure to know that mom and dad can see how she interacts online. We want the feel to be similar to this:

If you wouldn’t say it in front of Grandma, don’t say it on social media.

According to a report by Influence Central, the average kid gets their first smartphone at age 10.3, and opens their first social media account by age 11.4. By the time they’re 12, 50% of kids use at least one social media platform. To sign up, many lie about their age. That’s because popular sites like Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, and Tiktok all set their age limit at 13, in compliance with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act.

Kids mature at different rates. I’m not suggesting a particular age to open the proverbial door to social media because, as a parent, you know your kid(s) best. As someone who wants the best for them, you’re the most qualified person to decide when kids are ready to experience social media.

Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way

You probably take comfort that following kids allows you to see how they interact. That’s a reasonable assumption, but it’s not true. Most platforms have fake accounts, and Forbes says social media platforms have little interest in eliminating them. Influencers use this technique all the time for business, but kids are using fake accounts to interact with friends, while parents think they see the authentic version.

Following your kids is a good idea, but don’t let following them lead you to the false assumption that you’re in the know about what’s going on in their lives. The best way to know what’s going on with kids is to have open, honest communication. Also, don’t ever chastise your kids in the comments. Feel free to like and engage, but a negative word from a parent online can affect a kid’s social life.

Make sure kids know the real people behind their social friends and know not to accept requests from strangers. Also, make sure kids never give out personal information to anyone. Hard stop. Don’t offer an address, phone number, social security number, birthdate, or anything online predators can exploit.

Interaction on Social is a Dilemma

Being on social, the Netflix documentary Social Dilemma is something you may want to watch for yourself, but especially if you have kids online and who engage on social platforms. Be aware that you may want to delete your accounts after watching the documentary.

Tristan Harris worked as a design ethicist for Google and since has been dubbed “The Conscience of Silicon Valley” and is one of the film’s main subjects. He helped design the tools that track users on social platforms and keep users engaged for longer periods of time by controlling who and what they see in their feeds and by sending push-notifications at opportune times.

The eye-opening documentary may have you removing apps from your phone and limiting your time on social media. Once you’re aware of how big tech companies see users (that is, you and I) as a commodity, you’ll be careful to pay more attention. Tech companies who set out to keep you on their platforms do what they can to keep you online longer. The Addiction Center says social media is addictive and harmful to your psychological well-being.

Pay Careful Attention

When you walk into the room, do your kids shut their laptops, close tabs, or swipe up? These could be clues that they’ve been visiting places online that you would disapprove of. Being online together or in the same room may help alleviate concern.

If you wouldn’t allow your kids to be out of the house late at night, consider a time for electronics to be turned off and stowed away for the night. Certain modems allow you to create groups for different devices. We put the kids in a separate group so we can turn the internet off from 11 pm to 6 am, for example.

The Bottom Line

Being online means kids are susceptible to predators. As parents, we can set good examples by modeling the behavior we want to see in our kids. Consider using electronics out in the open and be cautious if kids become anxious or depressed. Set clear limits that personal information is valuable and never to be shared with friends online. Make kids aware of the dangers without making them overly afraid. Kids will be online. If you have open communication, hopefully, they will come to you if a predator approaches them.

Social media is addicting. Although kids, especially teenagers, can be easily influenced by social media, adults are open to the same draw of online addictions. What will you do to keep your family safe online? If you aren’t already addressing this issue, it’s time to give it some thought. Kids' safety is too important to let it be an afterthought.

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