Saturday Morning Dialogue
“I’m think we’re going to hire a sex cheerleader.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I stared at Issac as he walked into the kitchen. “What the fuck is that?”
“I saw it online yesterday. Apparently they have sex cheerleaders now. Girls that come over and cheer while you get it on,” Issac said.
“You mean like at a football game?”
“That’s what I’m saying dude.”
“With like pom-poms and shit?”
“Yep.”
“You’re serious?”
“Absolutely bro. I’m pretty fucking stoked about it.”
“Get the fuck out of here. Does Mary know about this?”
“Dude, yeah. She was actually really cool about it. I just casually mentioned it to her the other night and it turned into this really intense conversation about our relationship and communication and some other shit and she thinks it’ll be a great idea.” Issac reached into the cupboard and pulled out a glass, then he went to the fridge for the rum. He poured the rum into the glass and began slicing a lime. “Your icemaker still broken?”
The icemaker was still broken.
“Yeah man it’s still fucked,” I said, “I’ve been meaning to fix it but I just haven’t had the time.”
“Dude,” Issac said, “you need to get out of this house. Come out to dinner with us tonight. It’s not good for you to be all by yourself all the time now. Sitting in this house all week has got you all screwed up.”
“I know I just don’t feel like going anywhere. I’m just trying to chill out for a little bit.”
“You’re not going to get over Lauren mopping around here getting high and writing poetry every day while all your stuff goes to shit. You could use some sunlight,” Issac squeezed lime juice into his glass and took a swig. “We’ll do dinner and then go out to McGill’s. Get you a rebounder. I’ll see if Mary has a friend.”
“I don’t want to interrupt ‘sex cheerleader’ night,” I said.
“Dude, all good, you won’t be interrupted at all. We booked her for 1:30, we were planning on going out tonight anyway. So it’s all good babe.”
“Jesus Christ, where did you find her?”
“No idea. You know how Mary is. Once we decided we were into it she got on her tablet and found out how to order one and booked her.”
“You should either be terrified or consider yourself the luckiest son of a bitch that ever lived.”
“I know right? She’s an expert on sex cheerleading now. Spend two hours researching it last night.”
“Yeah, you’re a lucky son of a bitch.”
“Maybe. So look, let's finish these drinks and make two more. I’ll text Mary and tell her that you are coming, maybe she has a friend, maybe not. Either way, I’ll chill down here while you clean yourself up then I’ll take us to my house. I get dressed, we walk downtown, stop at a bar, get some drinks and wait for Mary and possibly her friend, we all get dinner, head to McGill’s then who knows? Sky is the limit. What you think?”
“Who is the girl?”
“What?”
“The girl, Mary’s friend. Who is she?”
“Oh I don’t know dude. She might not even…” he trailed off.
“Just tell me who it is.”
“I haven’t even told her yet.”
“Issac, you have an angle, I can smell it. Who is she?”
“Goddamnit, it’s Julie.”
“Julie from the bank? Homegirl that yelled at the bartender and slipped on ice downtown after the Christmas party, that Julie?”
“That’s the one.”
“I remember, blond girl. So you really just need a fourth wheel for this dinner?”
“Maybe a little bit. But don’t act like that’s the only reason I want you to join us.”
“I can dig Julie,” I sighed. “Alright pour me one and I’ll go upstairs. Where are we meeting for dinner?”
“Calypso’s”
“Oh shit. You getting all fancy on me?”
“Mary loves that place.”
“Of course she does. Give me a few minutes to iron a shirt then. You want a bong hit?”
“No dude and neither do you. You’re shit for conversation when you’re high.”
“Don’t you worry about me guy,” I said, walking up the stairs. “You should take this time to stretch it out. Gunna wants to put on a good show for that cheerleader tonight.”
“Go iron your fucking shirt,” Issac chuckled.
“I think I will,” I said walking up my stairs shaking my head. “Fucking sex cheerleader. What a time to be alive.”
