Sam Elliott Carries My Mom’s Hall Pass

While she holds a glass of wine and pets dogs

We’re all familiar with cat ladies. I have a few friends who’ve been cat ladies their entire lives. My mom’s in a category all her own, where cats have been, there’ve always been dogs, lots of incredible food, preferably a roomful of people, plenty of wine, and she’d sneak out of the room with Sam Elliott if he showed up.

A cat who never took to people

My mom has always liked Sam Elliott. But let’s talk about Goldfinger first. Yes, my mom’s cat was named after the James Bond thriller with the same name.

Although not obsessed with gold and not attempting to destroy the entire Western economy, my mom’s cat was demonic and diabolical. Guests of my mom’s basement apartment in the 1960s occasionally walked out looking as if they’d brawled a pack of raccoons and lost.

Goldfinger, a Calico cat she’d rescued from the ARL, jumped up behind people, clawed at guests, attacked their faces, and often ripped their clothes. Only friends who had unspeakable homelives returned.

She and her first husband packed their dog and Goldfinger and hit the road one day. They’d lived in furnished places, so all their possessions fit into their car. Her husband had heard from someone he knew that there were great jobs at the Turnpike in Phoenix, AZ, so they decided to move there.

In Eldorado, KS, their elderly car broke down, and they were stranded. They’d been tearing down the highway, and Goldfinger had screamed the whole way. They’d kept thinking the neurotic cat would get tired and go to sleep, but she never stopped. It’s no wonder my mom became a dog person.

Who’s the man

Sam Elliott is not the wayward type. He’s a man’s man. Sturdy and robust, he is the epitome of ruggedness, with his deep voice and the roles he plays presenting him as a person you can count on. Sam seems kind and dependable. When he enters a scene, everyone positively takes notice.

My father draws attention to himself with loud yawns. What tires him is impossible to imagine. Whenever anyone asks him if he wants to go somewhere or do something, he responds in one of two ways. Either; “I just took my shoes off” or “Let me put my shoes on.”

Each comment is accompanied by a heavy sigh, hoping the speaker will let him be. It’s easy to see why my mom prefers to spend as much time as possible with her dogs, and wherever we go, she wants to pet everyone’s dogs. Dogs are always friendly, and they like humans, no matter who you are. And wine is the same; it doesn’t play favorites, so it’s no wonder my mom drinks plenty.

Hello there

I frequently send texts to my mom; I forward articles of things I think she might find interesting, including Medium articles. I love sharing photos and videos of places we go and things we see with her, so I send those frequently. I send lengthy texts filled with information and sometimes funny things.

She rarely responds, sometimes for days, and then I’ll send various emojis and images, poking and waving at her, asking why she hasn’t responded to anything I’ve sent. But the other day, while I was at work, I sent a short message with no emoji that simply said, “A guy just walked in who looks and talks exactly like Sam Elliott.”

Within a minute, my phone buzzed to let me know she’d responded. “Give him my number, please,” was her response. If Sam ever stopped by my mom’s house, and my mom reasonably asked my dad if he wanted to join them, my dad’s immediate response would be a groan, followed by, “I just took my shoes off.”

So it wouldn’t be my mom’s fault if she said, “Don’t get up.”

Next time I send my mom a message, it’ll have to start with, “Sam Elliott said…”