Safety First

Title first… Story Will Follow

I’m trying something out here. The title of this piece just popped into my head. I’ve got no idea right now where this will go. It’s just an experiment.

Safety first. That’s always been my watchword. I also can plan something out to a gnat’s ass. Sometimes it irritates my husband. I can gnaw on something and go round and round until I have a good plan. But safety first.

So, the kitchen popped into my mind just now. There are a hell of a lot of opportunities to hurt yourself in the kitchen. I’m getting older, and lately, my legs have been swelling up. I need to force myself to get up out of this chair to stretch my legs periodically.

Not now, because I’m knee-deep in this story. But the kitchen really is a dangerous place. We do not have children in the house, but I will always turn the handle of a skillet or a saucepan toward the stove or the counter so that it’s not hanging off into the airspace of the kitchen. Originally, the reason was for little toddlers who might reach up and grab hold and then, wow, you’ve got a bad accident.

I’ve found if I have a long-sleeved shirt, sweater, or robe on, each of those sleeves can get hooked on the handle of a pan. The only thing you’ve got to be careful about is when you turn the handle into the stove is that it’s not sitting over another hot burner. Also, an accident waiting to happen.

Knives are another ordinary kitchen tool. Did you know it is safer to have a sharp knife? I’ve had them dull down on me so that slicing anything can be difficult, bananas excepted. You could slice a banana with a spoon if you wanted to. I’ve got two ways to sharpen my knives. One is a handy dandy kitchen gizmo that you pass the knife through, and it sharpens both sides at once.

I actually can’t find it right now, so I’ve been using the sharpening steel that came with a set of knives we got when we were first married 47 years ago. Somewhere, I’ve got sharpening stones, but I can’t find them right now. I’ve been looking because they are with all my other crochet hook-making tools, which I also can’t find.

The other thing with knives is you don’t want to let them lay around on the counter for too long. First of all, if you’ve used them to cut meat, fish, or poultry, they could get all sorts of germs on them.

We have four cats. One of them lives in the study with really fast forays out to the hall linen closet every couple of days. The other three are all over the house, especially at mealtime. So, I have to be careful where I set my feet when they’re in the kitchen with me while I’m making their food or while they are eating it.

I’ve noticed they have a habit of working a hole into the center of their food. Then, they leave. I lean down and gather what’s been shoved to the edge of the dish back toward the center, a sweet little mound of cat food. They come back a few minutes later to have their second course.

What I don’t like is when they leave their hard food and their treats all over the floor. I’m not wearing shoes these days because it’s pleasant weather, and it never fails that I will find every crunchy bit to step on. I miss my balance, my arms flail, and I work in some choice words.

We’ve also got a parakeet. He lives in the living room and watches special YouTube bird videos on an old phone that doesn’t get reception but will still take a charge. The only thing on it is his video.

His birdseed gets tracked everywhere. I step on it, and it sticks to my feet. It’s like stinking gravel. I have a hard enough time walking anyway. Well, it’s my fault. I should wear shoes. I suppose I could sweep the floor, too, but that’s too much like cleaning.

I should write a story about how my husband does the dishes. I know he’d not read it here. He doesn’t read my pieces, so I could sneak that bad boy into an article. I’ll give you a hint. I’ve seen him lick off a spoon and put it back in the drawer.

I don’t say anything because then he would refuse to do the dishes. We haven’t gotten sick since Covid. I suppose I am immune to his spit. What do you do when you French kiss anyway? But if you’re even in the neighborhood and want to eat with us? We will all go to a restaurant.

Okay, I’m sure there are other dangers that lurk in the kitchen. I think I’ve thought of enough for them. However, this experiment of having a title and then plunging into an article was fun. I’ll have to do that again sometime soon.

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