Sadness Is a Symptom

Sometimes it’s the thing glaring you right in the face

I meet a lot of unhappy people.

Not that they tell me out and out they are unhappy. It’s not like they walk up to me and tell me that they are wildly unhappy and don’t what to do about it. That would be weird. I don’t even know most of them. But when you feel sadness, you recognise it others.

A sigh isn’t just a sigh, it’s someone releasing the weight of the world on their shoulders. Ignorance isn’t complete bliss, it’s often a brain shackled by thoughts, the types that swirl around in your head endlessly. Fidgeting hands aren’t indicative of impatience, they are the physical symptom of an overworking brain. One that can’t stop questioning the world. One that can’t help but think it’s in the wrong place.

Sadness is an oddly therapeutic feeling. One that tells you that you are on the wrong path, that you world, wherever you are, is out of balance. It’s an indication that something isn’t quite right and it’s your mind telling you that something needs to change.

Sadness is great, if you’re self aware enough to notice it.

Why are we so sad?

When I look around the world, I am extraordinary lucky. I live in a wonderful house, have everything I’ve ever needed and yet, recently I’ve been incredibly sad. Hollow almost. People say it’s the weather, maybe, but I’d suspect probably not. Sadness is a symptom. Something is wrong.

And you too do live in a world of abundance. Whatever you want, within reason. Hot food, warm clothes, comfy bed, somewhere to call home. It leaves you in an odd dilemma. Why is it with everything you’ve ever wanted, you feel sad? How can this be?

Steven Pinker*, a psychologist and writer, explores this thought in a brilliant article entitled ‘The World is an Amazing Place. So Why Aren’t We Happier’. Pinker describes how life has evolved over the last few hundred years and how, in theory, you would expect people to be happy. In Pinker’s words:

“Today we enjoy a world of personal freedom these characters could only fantasize about, a world in which people can marry, work and live as they please.”

He goes on to say:

“Perhaps that is emblematic of the challenges of modernity. Though people today are happier, they are not as happy as one might expect, perhaps because they have an adult’s appreciation of life, with all its worry and all its excitement. The original definition of enlightenment, after all, was ‘humankind’s emergence from its self-incurred immaturity.’”

What’s the upshot of this? Well, perhaps we are too adult for our own good. Maybe our expectations of the world and ourselves are off. Maybe we are just too mature. Maybe we are just too sensible for our own good. Or maybe we are sad because we expect too much.

• Maybe you should reduce your expectations and everything will surpass them.
• Maybe you should slow down and enjoy the small things, forget the big things.
• Maybe you should let go a little, shoot the breeze.

Or maybe there is another explanation. One line of enquiry, often unexplored, is one that is left unexplored purposefully. Avoided almost. Perhaps the reason you are unhappy is that you don’t know yourself as well as you might have thought.

What if you don’t know what makes you happy? In that case you are incapable for optimising for happiness.

*Side note: Pinker also has the best hair I’ve ever seen.

What is Self-Awareness and What Should We Do About it

Apart from being the corporate buzzword of 2018, self-awareness is my desert-island-trait. You know, that game you play when you’re asked what 1 thing would you take to the desert island? Well, mine would undoubtedly be self-awareness.

Why? Well the answer is simple. Deep self-awareness throws you into a new dimension. According to organisational psychologist and expert in self-awareness, Tasha Eurich, becoming self-aware has a number of pretty incredible perks:

• You become more confident.
• You become more creative.
• You make sounder decisions.
• Communicate more effectively.
• Build better relationships.

What is perhaps most intriguing about Eurich’s research is the ironic finding that whilst most people think they are self-aware, most people are in fact do not meet the self-awareness criteria set out by Eurich’s research team.

“We’ve found that even though most people believe they are self-aware, self-awareness is a truly rare quality: We estimate that only 10%–15% of the people we studied actually fit the criteria.”

In fact, her study revealed an interesting finding that is pertinent to this article: you retrieve wellness from knowing yourself. Let me say that again. By knowing yourself you become happier. Self-awareness leads to less sadness.

To wrap it up

The more self-awareness we reach the happier we become. Self-awareness and happiness go hand-in-hand. It’s quite a wonderful thought. What then it makes most sense to do is to invest in yourself. Invest in getting to know yourself and spend time getting to know who you are.

“Your own self-realisation is the greatest service you can render the world.”― Ramana Maharshi

When you do, you begin to notice the signs. You begin to become aware of your own emotions. You learn about your own world and what needs to be true to make you happier. You know when you’ve been sad for too long and you start to understand what needs to change. You learn, you grow, you build.

So after months and months of work, my first book is out, you can order it here and get full access to my writing here.