Ruminations On My Bucket List
Know Yourself #37
Write down 10 things for your bucket list.
I’m 48. A bucket list isn’t a bad thing to have at this point. But I want my bucket list to be realistic. Like, things I can and will actually accomplish. It would be cool to play in the NBA still, but from the looks of things, that ship has sailed. And crashed into an island. And sank.
I’m also not adventurous at all. Meaning I don’t ever want to skydive or hang glide or anything that is even a little bit like that. I don’t even stand near the edge of cliffs. Not even close. So, maybe this won’t be what you expect. Either way, this is about my bucket list. But I just wanted to warn you in case you get to number 4 and are bored.
So, with that in mind, here are 10 things on my just-created bucket list:
1. I want to live outside of America for at least one year.
My most popular idea is to spend twelve months abroad, living in a different country each month, while staying in Airbnb properties. I love this idea so much and think it is entirely doable. Some countries on the shortlist are Iceland, France, Germany, Japan, Singapore, Norway, Greece, Belgium, Sweden, Ireland, Spain, Australia, and so many more. I guess the list isn’t so short.
2. I want to love a partner unconditionally.
I’ve never been able to do this. I tend to match how I love a partner to how much I love my kids and that’s not a fair comparison. Or maybe it just wasn’t fair when I was doing it in the past. I’d like to know what it feels like to be in love with someone so much that nothing they do or say or feel will stop me from loving them unconditionally. And it’s not about being together forever, it’s about feeling that love and knowing what it is, no matter where its path takes us.
3. I want to have a small farm.
If you know me at all, you know how much I love baby goats. I will have and care for baby goats in the near future, but I would also like to have some chickens…and some random animals, maybe some rescues. I’d take on a capybara although I’d be much more comfortable if they stopped calling them the biggest rodents in the world. I think caring for animals is a good way to bide my time until my kids have kids. I’m also so jealous of my friend who left it all behind to have her own farm.
4. I want to build my own house.
I don’t want to actually do the building myself, although I do want to help, but I want to decide everything from the foundation to the last tile on the roof. It doesn’t matter how large or small it is, what matters is that I love every single square foot of it. I want it to be functional and exceptionally personal. I want to overspend on things like a Japanese toilet and soaking tub and not care because I love them so much. Oh, and it needs to have a view of something nice, preferably nature.
5. I want to do a silent retreat.
I almost did one two years ago, but I wasn’t ready. I need my kids to be on their own. I need my soul to be ready to explore itself. But I also need this. I need the extended silence and disconnection from technology to reach the next level of mindfulness in my life. I often wonder what it would be like to not speak for an entire week and nothing about it scares me. It sounds amazing (and quiet).
6. I want to write a memoir.
I don’t care if it gets published, really. I want to write out my life so my kids and their kids can know the answers to all of the questions they forgot to ask. I also want to relive my life, the good and the bad, through the art of memoir. I have started several versions in the past, but I want one to stick. And again, I don’t care what happens to it. It’s not about that. I just want to write it.
7. I want to live to 100.
It’s not because I am afraid to die. I’m not. I want to live to 100 so I can watch my kids grow into adults and watch their kids, if they choose to have them, grow up. I want to see what happens to the world and if it’s something bad, I want to be in it, with my kids, when it happens. I know I can’t protect them and I don’t want to be a burden on them when I am old, but with modern technology and taking care of my health, I feel like I could be a spry 100-year-old.
8. I want to renovate an old church into a single-family home.
It’s not about the church itself, it’s about how a church is built. The stained glass windows, the high ceilings, the open floor plan (without all the pews), and all of the random rooms that can be reunited into absolute magic with seamless design. Don’t believe me? Check this out. I also fantasize about doing the same to a firehouse, but I like the layout of churches much more.
9. I want to know my entire family tree.
I start this project every few years and inevitably give up when the cost and difficulty outweigh the end result, but it never should get to that point. Because the cost to know where I came from, all the way back, is irrelevant. I want to know where my great-grandmother walked. Where my ancestors began. I need to know. My kids deserve to know.
10. I want to die happy.
It doesn’t matter when it happens, what matters is that I am happy. Not happy about dying, but happy with the life I led up to that point. I committed myself to never being one of those people who have regrets on their last day and I want to stay true to that. It doesn’t mean I need to be perfect or to do everything I ever wanted to. All it means is that I lived my life in a way that makes me proud of the person I am. If I do that, how can I not be happy when the time comes?
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