Summary

Rule #3 from "12 Rules for Life" advises making friends with those who genuinely wish for your betterment, which is crucial for personal growth and especially relevant for entrepreneurs seeking supportive networks.

Abstract

The article emphasizes the importance of surrounding oneself with friends who contribute positively to one's life, as per Rule #3 of Jordan Peterson's "12 Rules for Life." It suggests that true friends will support your aspirations and discourage self-destructive behavior. This concept is particularly pertinent in the entrepreneurial world, where the right connections can significantly influence a startup's trajectory. The article warns against "yay-sayers" who may not have one's best interests at heart and "mentors" who might exploit rather than nurture emerging talent. It advocates for relationships that challenge and improve you, rather than those that drag you down or stagnate your growth.

Opinions

Friendships should be based on mutual upliftment and the pursuit of betterment, not on enabling negative behaviors or patterns.
People often choose detrimental relationships due to low self-esteem or a subconscious desire to repeat past traumas, a concept Freud termed "repetition compulsion."
Entrepreneurs must be selective in their professional relationships, choosing individuals who will genuinely celebrate their successes and contribute to their endeavors constructively.
"Nay-sayers" can inadvertently serve a purpose by challenging your ideas and sharpening your arguments, whereas "yay-sayers" may lead you astray with false encouragement.
Mentors should be individuals who are invested in your success and willing to ask tough questions, rather than those seeking to exploit or leech off your potential.
A supportive network is crucial for startups, as it can provide valuable feedback and guidance, whereas a network that does not genuinely care for your success can be detrimental.

Rule#3. 12 Rules for Life — An Entrepreneur’s Perspective

Rule# 3 Make friends with people who want the best for you

Image Source: https://news.gcu.edu/

Summary of the rule

“Oh, baby I get by (Ah, with a little help from my friends)” crooned Joe Cocker in ’68 a year after Beatles released the song.

We seem to do just that, get by in our lives with a little help from our friends. Lives which can be tough as nails and mean as a honey badger,

This rule is an encouragement to examine your “friendships” honestly — both from the perspective of seeking help & rendering help when required. There could be friends who are driven to achieve, who uplift you with their ambition, and then there could be indolent friends, continually looking towards you to bail them out. It is essential to know the difference.

Often people choose people and places that are not good for them. Why? Maybe out of low self-opinion and low self-worth. Or because people refuse to take responsibility for their lives and choices. We repeat this pattern of selection due to an unconscious drive to repeat the horrors of the past. Freud explained this as repetition compulsion.

Continuing in a relationship that is unhealthy is a sign of indecision and weak will and feeling good about making the sacrifice of being in a bad relationship.

You should choose people who want things to be better and not worse, people whose lives will be improved if they saw your life improved. If you surround yourself with people who support your upward aim, they will not tolerate your self-destruction and cynicism. They will punish you carefully when you do not do good for yourself or others.

“People who are not aiming up will offer a former smoker a cigarette, and a former alcoholic a beer. They will become jealous when you succeed or do something pristine. They will withdraw their presence or support or actively punish you for it. They will over-ride your accomplishment with a past action, real or imaginary, of their own. They are trying to test you to see if your resolve is real, to see if you are genuine. But mostly they are dragging you down because your new improvements cast their faults in even dimmer light.”

Jordan Peterson, 12 Rules for Life

Relevance for Entrepreneurs and Startups

We are living in the age of networking, social and otherwise. Everyone seems to know everyone and their aunts. There are all sorts of coaches, mentors, guides, evangelists, and “growth hackers” available out there. How do you decide who to bring on board for your journey through the chaos that is a startup? Bring in someone too much in love with themselves, and it will become all about them and not so much about where the organization is going.

It takes a village to raise a child, well it takes a city to build a company. You need friends and family who have the strength to encourage you when they genuinely believe you have a winner on your hand. People often say you don’t listen to “nay-sayers”; I think it is the “yay-sayers” early in your journey who are more dangerous. Nay-sayers provide a context and a reason, however flimsy and wet with jealousy, they inadvertently sharpen your argument, and that serves a purpose of improving upon your original thought.

Yay-sayers, especially the ones who will not be genuinely happy in your success, will gladly wave you onwards to the guillotine. It will require you to have an immense clarity of thought to be able to distinguish those who are there to either see you fail and feel better about their failures and those who will help you to feel better about yourself.

In the beginning, a startup relies on friends, family, and extended network for feedback and inputs. Start to assess which category they fall under and select the ones you will choose to associate with.

Then there are “mentors” who have achieved greatness in the past and will now take you under their wing to figure out if you have something that they can exploit, steal, or how to deprive you of something. It all comes under the well-meaning guise of mentoring/coaching. It is not their aim to see you succeed; they are hunting for their success.

Should you go for a mentor whose focus is in his glory and sucking the beauty from your enterprise or someone capable of asking you tough questions and disagree with you motivated by the prospects of your success.

Similarly, a director on board a company who is just a “rubber stamp” is more a foe than a friend as that person is helping founders of the company to circumvent the legal measures for the safety of startup. A friend who is there only to look the other way is not your friend.

In my startup, we reached out to so many people from the industry, investors, lawyers, friends, family, old hands who get around. Mostly we got sound advice and, at worst, no feedback.

In my startup, my co-founder and I reached out to a marketing guru, who was a professional connect and a friend. We spent hours strategizing with him, refining our business case, and running through different marketing scenarios. He came to be a great sounding board.

One day, when I was not around, he spent a couple of hours convincing my co-founder to quit and look for something else. Thanks to the fact we always maintain a fair bit of transparency with each other, my co-founder duly reported the conversation to me. If not, it would have doomed the enterprise.

To date, we are not sure what his motivation was, but surely, we never went back to him to ever for advice or otherwise.

Therefore, in startups, as it is in life, make friends with people who want the best for you.