Rough Drafts of a Suicide Note (A Graphic Volume of Poetry) 1 of 6
Prelude
Author’s note
This Volume is a continuation of The Foolish One (A Graphic Volume of Poetry). This Volume can stand alone, but it’s recommended to read them in order.
THE FUNERAL PROGRAM
Raymond couldn’t wait — to wait — for Tanisha. He’d rush home from school just to wait. The wait was 45 minutes, longer if Tanisha’s mother ran late for work. When the wait extended, Raymond got antsy. He did jumping-jacks to fight the feeling. After ten dozen, he’d sit, but the stillness was unbearable. He’d hop up, do more jumping jacks, sit back down, hop up again, do nothing, then sit again.
Raymond was sixteen and in love.
Right after Tanisha’s mother left the house, Tanisha texted Raymond and told him to come over. Tanisha was older than Raymond by three weeks. She liked Raymond because he was sweet.
The two hung out every day after school.
One day when Tanisha went to school, her girlfriends didn’t do their ritual tease — I saw your boyfriend — to which Tanisha always replied — we’re just friends — because Raymond was absent. Tanisha went home, texted Raymond after her mother left for work, but Raymond didn’t respond nor did he answer her calls.
She didn’t hear from him all evening.
The next day, Tanisha was eager to give Raymond the silent treatment for ignoring her the day before, but Raymond was absent from school again. Tanisha felt bad for being angry instead of concerned. When she got home, her mother wasn’t getting ready for work. Tanisha called Raymond from the front porch. This time he answered.
“Mom’s not going in today.”
“That’s fine.”
“What’s wrong?”
There was a brief silence that seemed long to Tanisha.
“Meet me in the park.” Raymond directed.
That’s where they had their first conversation. They knew each other from school, but never spoke until that summer. It’s where they first held hands and kissed. It’s also where they first fought over Tanisha being with older boys.
When Tanisha arrived at the park, she found Raymond on the bench by the basketball court. He fiddled with a manila envelope. Tanisha sat beside him.
“What did you do with that letter?” Raymond asked.
“I threw it away. I couldn’t read it anyway. It was in calligraphy.”
“You mean cursive.”
“Whatever.”
“I could have read it to you.”
“I know. I just didn’t want to meet my father from a prison letter.”
Raymond handed Tanisha the manila envelope. The envelope was addressed to Raymond’s mother. “Would you throw this out too?”
Tanisha pulled out a funeral program. Raymond resembled the man on the cover. Tanisha mumbled, “Oh my God.”
“My mom just handed it to me like it was nothing.”
Tanisha read the biography of the deceased. “Wow … Your father was an amateur boxer … Nicknamed the Lord of Lightning … I wouldn’t throw this out.”
“Why not?” Raymond asked disappointed.
Tanisha gave the funeral program back. “No one’s expecting a response.”
MOM & MEN
My Mom broke up
With another one of her boyfriends
I don’t know how long this one lasted
Who times mistakes?
What difference does it make?
They never last
She’s in the kitchen drinking
With my grandmother & my aunt
They’re exchanging stories
About how worthless & no good men are
All men
Jesus too
Because like all men
Jesus came and left
But they want me to act like a man
Jesus Christ