Summary

The text is a reflective and introspective piece exploring the author's struggle with self-identity, the impact of past experiences, and the journey towards self-acceptance amidst conflicting internal voices and societal expectations.

Abstract

The author of the text, who is not from Alabama, uses the metaphor "Roll, Tide" to express a deep, soulful connection to something that captivates them, despite not being physically present. This metaphor extends to their personal journey, where they acknowledge the discomfort of change and the fear of losing one's sense of self. The author reflects on the smallness of human existence in the face of nature, emphasizing the need for perspective without belittling oneself. They confront the internal battle with self-image and the voices of the past that contradict their current reality. The piece touches on the difficulty of accepting compliments and aligning them with self-perception, hinting at a history of relationships that have reinforced negative self-beliefs. The author admits to self-sabotage as a defense mechanism against the fear of experiencing past pains or losing their identity. The text concludes with a plea for gradual change, indicating a readiness to confront their fears without being overwhelmed by them.

Opinions

The author feels a profound, almost spiritual connection to something that deeply affects their soul, despite not being physically part of it.
They recognize the importance of humility and the need to remember one's place in the grand scheme of things.
The author is introspective about their internal struggles, acknowledging that past experiences and labels have a strong hold on their current self-image.
There is a significant disconnect between the author's self-perception and the positive affirmations they receive from others.
The author expresses a fear of the unknown, preferring the familiarity of past pain over the uncertainty of a new identity.
They reveal a history of relationships that have contributed to their negative self-view, suggesting a pattern of reinforcement from external sources.
The piece conveys a desire for change at a comfortable pace, indicating a cautious optimism towards personal growth and self-redefinition.

Roll, Tide

I’m not from Alabama, but roll, tide, roll because

Absent the invitation you still captivate my soul

I’ve never traveled to the moon but slow, tide, slow because

I’m not about to lose everything I’ve ever known and

I know you have to take it but does it all have to go?

Does it all have to go?

In the winter, I still go to the beach because sometimes we all

Need to remember that we’re small and

That’s not to belittle anybody here at all

Just poetic directives to give us all perspective

Heaven help me cause I’m not ready at all

See there’s something safe about who I say I am

Even though I’m made new and those things aren’t true

The voices still live hear and try as I may,

I can’t just make the whispers disappear

And sometimes when people come around and sit near me

They there’s something in me and they start to fear me

Talking about spirits and demons and choices, not

Knowing it’s people who are my inner voices

The kinds of things I’d been told so much that

Present evidence really has nothing on it

I’ll say thank you if you tell me that I’m beautiful, but

All that is hard to accept cause it doesn’t line up with

The woman I see when I look in the mirror and

Sometimes I feel like it couldn’t be clearer that

My ex man and my ex ex man and my old man and

Maybe even X-men feel the same way

It’s only recently that I’ve been fine to sleep without the light on

Able to tolerate the shadows as they’re dancing on the walls

Just like they dance inside my mind, little microburst

Raining on you as you radiate sunshine and

I don’t wanna hurt you, that’s why

I desert you then call myself names because

Familiar is safe and I’m less afraid of

Re-experiencing old pain than I am of

Losing everything except my own name

If I’m not unattractive then what am I

I can’t look you in the eye

I’ll walk out lest you see me crying

If I’m not a ragdoll then who am I

What even is identity when I don’t know who I

Am?

If I’m not useless then why do I

Fight thoughts of ending me when I’m not productive?

If I’m not who they told me that I was then how do I

Start over knowing the foundation of what I

Believe about me is a lie?

I’m not ready.

Roll, tide but not so high that

I feel unsteady.

Let me down easy,

Please.