HALLOWEEN FUN
Revised Rules for Writers’ Group Pumpkin Carving Contest
Imitation is NOT the sincerest form of flattery
Dear Authors:
In light of the truly frightening controversies that arose from last year’s jack-o’-lantern competition, we have updated our guidelines. To ensure a level pumpkin patch, please follow these parameters so we all may enjoy this alternative outlet for our creative energies:
1. No copying another writer’s carving.
2. No appropriating.
3. Do not sample another writer’s work.
4. Retellings are ineligible for the contest.
5. Do not claim someone else’s pumpkin as your own, even if you change a line here or there.
6. Homages are not permitted.
7. Taking someone else’s pumpkin and repurposing it, however transformatively, will result in expulsion from the contest.
8. Faces or figures based on characters in another writer’s work are not allowed. Not even as a fangirl or fanboy.
9. Do not submit alternative versions, sequels, or spinoffs of any jack-o’-lantern created by another writer. Moreover, and this really should go without saying, no smashing another contestant’s pumpkin.
10. Mockery is also not the sincerest form of flattery. Arguably, it is the very opposite of flattery. Your carving is not the place to call out a colleague’s personality traits or scoff at their behavior.
11. While humorous entries are permitted, do not choose a pumpkin shaped like a butt and then scratch someone else’s name on it.
12. In fact, do not use your entry to refer to, or comment in any way on, any colleague’s buttocks or other personal areas.
13. Anyone who stuffs two pumpkins into a giant brassiere will be automatically disqualified.
14. Penis-shaped pumpkins, gourds, squash, etc. — circumcised or not — are not eligible for the contest.
I hope that covers everything. Jeez. It shouldn’t have to be this complicated. Just buy, not steal, a pumpkin. Open a hole in the top; remove the pulp; cut out a face; stick in a candle. Is that really too much to ask?
Now sharpen those knives — not the metaphorical ones, please — and get carving! Pumpkins, not each other.
