Satire | Prompt Response
Revealed: New Tesla Model — V
Exclusive interview with Elon Musk
Associated Press —
Loveable muskrat Elon Musk shows the brilliance that first made automotive pundits speechless with Tesla’s newest vehicle.
We managed to get an exclusive interview with Elon between firing employees. ¹
AP: When did you have time to make a new model? Aren’t you very busy with Twitter right now?
EM: The whole destroying Twitter thing? That was a distraction. After the failed Cyber Truck launch, I didn’t want the Model — V revealed until it was perfect. Perfect, like a 22-hour workday with maxed-out adrenal glands.
AP: Tesla’s known to have some unconventional design elements in its vehicles. The wing-style doors on the Model X seem impractical. The Cyber Truck looks too much like a car from one of the crappier James Bond movies. What inspired you to make the Model — V appear like a shroomhead with a case of the munchies?
EM: Please forgive me; I forgot to eat lunch. [Puts on VR goggles and plays a game, eating Meta cake] The most important thing to me is freedom. When I learned that a giant talking dog and his friends were framed for a murder they didn’t commit, I had to act.
AP: Scooby-Doo?
EM: Yes, it was 2:48 am, and I was in my office recharging my batteries [waits for polite laugh]. I caught the tail end of this True-Crime documentary called “Scooby Doo: Dog Dandie or Deadly Demon?” Scoob was charged with the 2nd-degree murder of eleven dock workers from Santa Monica. There is no way a misunderstood genius like me — I mean him — could be guilty of all the terrible crimes he’s accused of.
AP: Were you high or sleep-deprived?
EM: When am I not?
AP: Which one?
EM: Yes
AP: I’m not playing this game with you. Can you tell us about the features that make the Model — V unique?
EM: Sure thing, Henry Ford. The Model — V is for Van.
AP: We guessed that. What’s so special about this van?
EM: For starters, it boasts an impressive 345-mile battery life — On Mars. It uses the world’s first tri-lithium composite cell. You can recharge the battery by smoking pot inside the van with closed windows. The autopilot software only allows crashes into motorists with adequate insurance coverage.
AP: Wait, what? Can’t you buy this machine on Planet Earth?
EM: [Long cackles like a victorious Captain Planet villain] Absolutely not! Why do you think I have a big ass rocket company?
AP: [exaggerated chuckle] What a useless piece of hippie junk. Next, you’ll tell me it has its own flamethrower.
EM: Not standard. The flamethrower is part of the Napalm Lovers software upgrade. $599 extra a month.
AP: For real? How do I pre-order the Model — V?
Footnotes
¹ “Going forward, accounts engaged in parody must include ‘parody’ in their name, not just bio.” — Elon Musk Official Twitter Account 11/10/22
Legal Disclaimer- Elon, the following story is a work of satire. But you already know that.
My story is a response to the December Everything Fun prompt from Raine Lore. Thank you, Hollie Petit, Ph.D. and Toni Greathouse
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