Retarded Retirement

The woes of a slow learner

When I was a kid my mother used to tell me that I was mentally retarded. I didn’t believe her. I knew she was just saying that to try to get me to try harder.

While I may not be officially retarded I am, however, a very, very slow learner. What takes most people six months to learn takes me thirty or forty years to learn.

In recent years I’ve been trying really hard to learn how to retire. So far I have been quite unsuccessful in both learning how to do it and actually doing it. I have taken some baby steps but I have yet to take the full plunge.

What got me thinking even harder about retirement was a phone conversation I had with an old friend yesterday. He is in his seventies now and he still works 50 to 60 hours a week (in construction). He has resigned himself to the fact that he will keep working right up to the time he finally kicks the bucket.

“Aren’t you getting Social Security?” I asked him.

“Oh sure, but it’s not even enough to cover my monthly house payment. If I quit working I’d be homeless within two months.”

His father, who also worked construction, was the same way. He spent his entire life working and working and working right up to the day he died on the job in his seventies.

My own father also never got to experience retirement.

What kind of life is that? You spend your entire life working and working and working without ever stopping and resting in order to enjoy life for a while before you croak. Why give up your entire life to be a beast of burden for The Man?

I’ve been wanting to retire ever since I was in my thirties. Jobs suck. I wanted to live life not just work my ass off into the ground. Since then I’ve been trying to learn how to retire but I still have not been able to do it.

Sure, I’ve partially done it. I took off the job harness but I’m still working. I can’t seem to make a clean break. I’m still writing so I obviously have not fully retired yet.

Retire — 1. To withdraw to a secluded place, 2. To retreat, as in battle, 3. to go to bed, 4. To give up one’s work, business, etc. 5. To withdraw from use. — Webster’s New World Dictionary

That definition seems so simple. Why is it taking me so long to figure it out? All I have to do is stop. Perhaps I have some deeply ingrained fear that perpetuates my reluctance. A fear of living a carefree life of joy? A fear of homelessness? A fear of happiness? A fear of nirvana?

It is said that the best way to overcome a fear is to walk right through it. So I am going to double down on my learning how to fully retire. The time is nigh.

Peace and rest are just around the corner.

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