Restriction | Jennifer Dale

Restrictions, Are They Harmful or Helpful?

It depends… let’s dive in.

My philosophy with restriction is that it usually creates rebellion in many of our lives. The reason behind this stems from the result of our primitive brains. Finding the balance between our primitive brain and our pre-frontal cortex is like a golden hour in the photography world. We all want to be able to have control over our own minds! Unfortunately, being able to resist the junk food, the alcohol, the drugs, the undesired behavior, isn’t something that comes naturally. This is a skill that takes a lot of patience, love, and practice.

“Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything, it is because we are dangerously close to wanting nothing” -Sylvia Plath

The Harmful Approach

The most harmful approach we can do when it comes to restricting ourselves is to come from a place of self-loathing and hate. For example, let’s say we’re trying to restrict ourselves from eating junk food. We can white knuckle through it for a few months but it takes an unimaginable amount of will power when we come from a place of force.

A great metaphor I heard was imagining someone holding a beach ball underwater. The muscles are an example of a person’s will power. Once they start to get tired, and they will always get tired, the beach ball shoots into the air much higher than if they just allowed it to float on the water. This is also what happens when we forcefully try to restrict ourselves out of hatred of the undesired behavior or hate for ourselves. Next thing we know, we’re eating all the cravings and calling it another cheat day.

The reason this approach has such detrimental effects in our lives is for two reasons. First, it makes us want the restriction even more. Instead of allowing ourselves to feel the urge or emotion behind it, we’re in constant thought about how to not want it!

A personal example would be when I tried countless times to quit smoking. I remember trying to stop because I hated that I was addicted to the behavior. I would think about not having a cigarette ALL DAY LONG and my mouth would water anytime I would smell someone smoking. Instead of allowing the urge to just be there, I would scream at myself in my head saying “you’re so weak if you pick up a pack of cigarettes on your way home!” or “if you have one, you’re worthless!”. These thoughts deteriorated my self-respect and confidence. Eventually, my will power weakened and I would be right back to smoking a pack a day.

It wasn’t until I woke up one day and came from a place of love. I simply told myself, “you’re not a smoker anymore because you love your lungs and want to improve your health” and I never picked up a cigarette again.

This leads to the second reason this approach is so harmful. It truly never lasts and creates a lot more unnecessary pain. How exhausting is it to constantly criticize ourselves in order to not do something.

Let’s take the example of trying to lose weight. The self-loathing thoughts of “I’m unworthy unless I lose weight, therefore I need to not eat at all or only eat these certain foods”, or “I’m not enough unless I look like this, so I’ll restrict myself from eating junk food”. These thoughts are only forcing us into an extremely hostile and painful reality. The environment created with these kinds of thoughts is like a ticking time bomb. We establish an all or nothing approach such as, if we have one drink we’re worthless, or if we gain one pound we’re disgusting. Those thoughts lead to hatred for ourselves which then creates a loss of respect for ourselves. This then leads to thoughts like “fuck it” and acts of binging.

The Helpful Approach

A great way to approach restrictions first and foremost is to come from a place of love and self-respect. We all have limits that enhance our well-being. If a person has an allergy to dairy, they’re going to restrict themselves from dairy. Most of us restrict the amount of time we sleep in, coming from a place of self-respect though. We don’t internally say to ourselves -“you’re a piece of crap if you don’t get up by 9 AM” but we make sure to get up at a responsible time in order to have a well-lived life. Most of us restrict the amount of time we work because we want to live a balanced and healthy life. Many of us restrict the amount of sun we get because we want to protect our skin.

This shows that restrictions can be extremely beneficial if they come from a place of love and respect for ourselves. Creating those limits that are driven from love instead of will power will not only encourage us to continue to honor the restriction but increases the trust we have for ourselves. The urges will still be there and they’re supposed to be! The goal is not to push them underwater but to allow them to float in and out of our minds and still sustain the restriction because we want a better and more fulfilling life.

Final Thoughts

The temptation will always be present in our reality. Our primitive brain’s design is to seek pleasure from these temptations. Our job is to use our pre-frontal cortex to say to ourselves, I want more for myself because I love and respect my life. Let’s create restrictions because we have our own back and want to connect to our highest self.

Whatever you might be trying to restrict yourself of right now, try to find compassion for why you do the behavior in the first place. After, let’s figure out why you don’t want to anymore. “I’m limiting my drinking because I don’t want to disassociate from my life anymore”. “I want to restrict the amount of junk food I eat because it doesn’t make me feel great”. “I don’t want to contact that guy because it’s an unhealthy relationship“. You want to connect and listen to what your body is telling you. When you think about this restriction, try to approach it these two ways. First, let go of the negative talk; it doesn’t serve you. Second, have the only goal of this restriction be to improve your quality of life.