Restraining a Submissive Using Eye Contact and Speech in BDSM

Speech and eye restrictions can restrain as much as tying wrists

I stood in the bedroom while Klarissa knelt in front of me with her hands folded in her lap. Brushing her hair away from her eyes felt so empowering while she listened to my instructions.

“You’re not to look at me, or speak no matter what I say or ask until I give you permission. Nod if you understand.”

She nodded.

“Good. Look at the floor.”

I started our time together with gentle touching, fondling and setting the mood. Then I asked a pointed question. “Why don’t you want me? Why?”

Her mouth opened for a moment and she raised her head until I reminded her about the rules.

“You don’t have my permission to speak. And where are you supposed to be looking?”

She glanced at the floor while kneeling.

“Good girl,” I stroked her hair and knew what was beginning to happen inside her.

Before writing more, I want to say that I’ve enjoyed being both sexually dominant and submissive. I know what it’s like in BDSM to yield control to someone else and to take control responsibly.

I don’t consider myself a Master to be obeyed at all costs or a submissive who will simply grovel at someone else’s feet. But I do consider myself someone who understands what happens emotionally and sexually in such a dynamic.

First, a certain mindset has to be cultivated with an acceptance of the roles. It doesn’t come with the snap of a finger and trust has to be earned.

Second, you can see that restricting the sub is a potent part of BDSM. It’s much more than whips and spankings. The dominant one sets boundaries and the submissive lives within those whether it’s for a one-hour scene or a much longer time period.

Restraint can take many forms in a power exchange relationship. Controlling eye movements and speech can lead to a deep, emotional connection and reaction.

Blindfolding a submissive is one of the most popular ways of restricting sight, but it doesn’t have to be the only way. Imagine this: your submissive is standing and is directed to only look straight ahead.

This gives you as the dom the opportunity to test the sub’s ability to follow seemingly simple directions so they don’t glance around. You can choose to do whatever is consensual like sit and sip a cup of tea.

Standing in one spot and looking forward or telling a sub what is allowed or not allowed to be said doesn’t mean that nothing is happening. There’s a world of dialogue and mental activity, often confusion, happening inside.

Restricting a sub’s speech and forbidding them to not say anything while you ask probing questions like, “Do you care about me?” or “Why should I let you serve me?” and not allowing a full expression can definitely cause a reaction.

If you are in the dominant role, you have a responsibility to lead with integrity and care. That’s why starting with simple commands is important and then it’s possible to introduce more complex questions and restrictions as the relationship matures.

A well-written article on Kinkly.com, “What is Speech Restriction,” notes that “speech is such a significant part of what makes us human and separates us from animals, having this function restricted or removed can be frustrating and dehumanizing.”

Use carefully.

Here’s a fun way to induce an internal reaction. This is from my perspective as a man but can easily be adapted by a female domme for a male submissive.

Have your submissive stand, feet shoulder width while wearing a blouse and skirt. The only phrase she is allowed to say is, “Yes, sir.”

Place her hands behind her back and head and kiss her gently then ask, “Do you like that?”

“Yes, sir,” she responds.

Keep the pleasant activities going and then pull her panties part way down and fondle her pussy so that it’s pleasurable. Then ask, “Do you like that?”

Of course she’s only allowed to answer, “Yes, sir.”

Then do something that’s physically uncomfortable but gives a sensation that you know she can handle such as a hard slap across the ass or a spank in the pussy.

Then you ask, “Do you like that?”

Her answer has to be, “Yes, sir.”

For a male submissive you might strike his erection with a wooden spoon or belt and he has to give a positive answer.

You can use this time to gently push limits.

While lying in bed, your female submissive has to keep her eyes open and isn’t allowed to make any sounds as you finger her pussy and bring her close to orgasm. This is tough. If she closes her eyes for a moment or moans then you take your fingers away. Keep repeating until she’s able to do it or can no longer hold back from an orgasm.

You might stroke a male submissive’s cock lightly giving him eye directions or words to say or not say.

Restricting speech and eye contact can happen at anytime in a Dom-sub relationship or for a couple who are new to exploring BDSM. It gets into the mental and emotional space that BDSM can create and lead to a nice, sensitive bond if done properly.

Like anything, it can be abused so do be careful and be sensitive. Have fun, be creative and tailor the restrictions to where you are in your relationship.

Try it, talk about it after, and try it again. It can lead you and the one you love into new territory and sensual possibilities that you may not have known existed.