LIFE LESSONS

Responses Matter

Pause and choose a better one

As I took a walk with my sister last Saturday— 9/11/21 — we talked a bit about what that day was like for us 20 years ago.

Where we were when it happened. What we did. What we remembered.

We had similar thoughts. Confusion. Anger. Fear. We were desperate for information. We had so many questions.

Why did this happen? Will we ever feel safe again? How will the US react? What will it take to heal? How can we prevent this from ever happening again?

We tossed around many ideas back then. And she reminded me of one I’d mentioned back then that stayed with her.

What if instead of bombing the crap out of those that harmed us, we created a large bomb-shaped device and just before impact, it opened to release thousands of doves — one for every person who lost their lives that day? You terrorists give us shit? We offer you peace. Return destruction with love.

Although my rose-colored glasses had been cracked on 9/11, I guess they were still firmly in place across the bridge of my nose.

Of course, my idea was completely unrealistic.

But what if?

Just recently, I came across this journal entry written by Etty Hillesum, a young Jewish woman killed at Auschwitz.

“I see no alternative. Each of us must turn inward and destroy in himself all that he thinks he ought to destroy in others. And remember that every atom of hate we add to this world makes it still more inhospitable.”

I’d like to read more of this young woman’s journal because her words contain such wisdom. In the midst of all the suffering she was being put through, these were the thoughts she had — to look inward and destroy the hard stuff inside herself.

Unbelievable.

Her words remind me of the lyrics of the song, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.”

I’ve heard people say you can’t hug a terrorist. And maybe that’s true. But if we all truly want peace in this world, it has to begin somewhere. And maybe a good place to start is to look within ourselves and how we respond to hate and other things that trigger us.

Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and Holocaust survivor, wrote these words:

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

In the space between something that harms us, something that hurts us, something that does us wrong, there is an opportunity.

If we take the opportunity to pause and think, we can choose a better response. It’s so easy to be impulsive when we’ve been hurt. It’s so easy to fire back. Trade a wound for a wound. I know I’ve done it.

But if we truly want peace on earth, it must begin with each one of us and the way we choose to respond to any situation that triggers us.

How do we respond when our neighbor’s creeping Charlie has crept into our well-manicured lawn? To those who cut us off in traffic? How do we treat the person in the ‘10 items or less’ lane who has a cartful of stuff? How about someone who has intentionally hurt us?

Our responses matter.

I’m not suggesting that we roll over and play dead. That we let others mistreat us. That we have no boundaries for what we will and won’t tolerate. That’s equally as wrong.

But some responses are foul and some are thoughtful. There are ways to stand up for ourselves which are more meaningful and kind. Ways to get our point across without being rude. Ways to not add to the nasty stuff.

Because I believe that every hurtful thing another person does comes from a wound they have within themselves. And responding to a wound by causing another one will never help us heal. It will never bring about peace.

Our growth and our freedom begin with the way we choose to respond.

Peace begins with each and every one of us.

Am I just naïve? A dreamer? Probably.

Does that matter? I don't think so.

I kinda like my rose-colored glasses, cracks and all. I think they're on my face to stay.

kasey sparks, © 2021

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