Respect The Flaw

Throw perfection to the curb

Respect the flaw. Three words. I embraced the concept immediately. What you need to know is that there are two layers to that statement. You could say that it states that perfectionism is overrated. A flaw is just that. A flaw. It is the mole on Marilyn Monroe’s left cheek or Owen Wilson’s bashed-up nose. Live with it.

The second layer to that statement is that it is painted on a wall inside the driveway of the Cultural Association of Lagos, Portugal — a former jail. Respect the (f)law. Get it?

I soon learned that the building now houses the Laboratory of Creative Activities — an art center servicing the community.

The more I chewed on the concept of respect the flaw, the more I began to internalize it. My partner and I started to voice it as a way to accept things that lack perfection.

Overcooked the salmon? Respect the flaw.

Gravy stain on your sweater?” Respect the flaw.

Misspelled “misspelled?” Respect the flaw.

We humans are constantly subjected to evaluation, criticism, or correction. We are inherently flawed. The world repeatedly tells us what we have, or have not done well. Those worldly demands for perfection are real. Yet, the reality is that perfection is often based on unrealistic expectations.

Some people also feel pressure to succeed or perform at a high level — from within. Those expectations can be exhausting and, ultimately, damaging.

We are told from a young age that practice makes perfect. That idea can serve as an incentive for perseverance. Work hard and success will follow. At the same time, that idea implies that perfection is attainable. So if our performance is flawed — after working hard and trying our best — then there must be something wrong with us.

The duality of perfectionism is reflected in scholarly literature which states that “both the benefits and risks that are associated with the desire to be perfect.” Most scholars contend that “while being a perfectionist may contribute to success, it can also serve as a detriment to psychological well-being.” (source)

Gordon Flett, PhD, a professor in the department of psychology at York University in Toronto, Canada cites a study of over 24,000 high school students in which over 50% of of them felt pressured by expectations to be perfect. (source)

It does not take a huge leap to think that students are often comparing themselves to the constructed false imagery of other people’s *perfect* lives on social media.

Dr. Flett’s research into what he calls “perfectionistic self-presentation” — which is what you are exposed to on social media — leads us to conclude that people with these crafted, perfect lives that nobody actually has — truly exist, and make you question whether you have a perfect life. (source)

That comparison leads to making you feel bad about your life. Yet, it is a subjective assessment. How exactly do you define perfection?

Scholars still debate whether perfectionism can ever be viewed in a positive light, or whether it is strictly a negative trait. “When you look at the research, it’s very clear that perfectionism causes anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and suicidality.” (source)

So…respect the flaw.

Perfection does not exist. Unless you are Romanian gymnast Nadia Comăneci, who scored a perfect 10 at the Olympic Games, at the 1976 Games in Montreal.

Seeking perfectionism may be the goal of an Olympic athlete. They work tirelessly for years to achieve perfection in ONE area, but for most of us, perfection is an illusion since there is no perfection in the full realm of being human.

​“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life.” — Anne Lamott (source)

So…respect the flaw.

There are strategies to help us accept our flaws and re-frame our lives. Consider these:

Finding the positive side of your flaws

Our flaws are our strengths in disguise. There was a time when I thought my accent was a flaw. I sounded different from everyone else. Over time, with a dose of self-acceptance, and the fact that some women thought it gave me a kind of je ne sais quoi, (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) I began to embrace my flaw. I no longer wanted to sound like everyone else.

Take inspiration from art

If we look at our flaws as art, then we can feel their emotion. Without flaws, we would be monolithic, monotonous, and boring. The traditional Japanese art of Wabi-Sabi is centered around the philosophy of beauty embracing impermanence and imperfection. That is why Japanese potters consciously introduce asymmetry into their works.

Our flaws make us unique, interesting, and special.

Imperfections make you human

Our flaws give us character and make us authentic. Cookie-cutter characters are boring and lifeless. Embracing imperfections sets us free to be ourselves and live an authentic life.

What if I were to take a bunch of dying, dried-up flowers, and rather than focusing on their flaws, I shifted my perspective and looked at them differently?

Reframing is a coaching technique that allows us to view a situation from a more positive perspective. Reframing is also what photographers do when they view a scene. They look for the best angle.

I believe there is a lesson in there. Those flowers are not perfect, but they can be seen as beautiful, interesting, or unique — if we respect the flaw.