Resolution 2022: When It Comes to Clutter, I’m Clueless; What I Can Do Is Surrender

In response to Coffee Challenge: Why I want to be a better me in 2022

I am a sucker for prompts and challenges.

Not just cause it saves me the step of having to decide what to write about. Often, the prompt or challenge opens up a new window bringing a fresh perspective into my life that I really needed. But did not know I did!

For example, as a newbie to Coffee Times and loving its shout-out culture, I accepted the previous challenge of shouting out about shout-outs on a publication other than Coffee Times, just like I’m doing here.

I love the idea and was up for the challenge.

Entering that challenge required believing I could get 1000 claps to qualify. Of course, it helped to tag people which Winston legitimized in the ground rules. And it helped to shout out fellow writers in Illumination, my host publication.

But I also learned a valuable lesson I didn’t anticipate. In my haste to get going, I overlooked some key folks. One of them, Marcus, had the audacious grace to call me on it. This gave me an opportunity to make amends. Thank you, Marcus.

I need to make some serious changes in 2022.

When I saw this challenge, I told myself, do it! Don’t think about it, do it. Especially when I read:

Winning this competition is not going to change your life but participating in it will.

I don’t need to win, though it’s fine if I do.

I need the life change that Winston promises I’ll get if I participate.

But that’s only going to happen if I’m truthful to myself. Gulp!

Out loud, on paper, in front of all y’all.

I’m what my writing mentor~friend, Shaunta Grimes calls a spiller writer. I’m also a recovering sex and love addict. Having shared my story hundreds of times in twelve-step meetings served me in good stead for sharing on Medium.

But I have yet to join Clutterers Anonymous (CLA) or Codependents Anonymous (CoDA).

When I first confronted my mom about her drinking she said, Let me try to quit on my own first, and if I can’t, then I’ll go (to the hospital to detox). She went to the hospital after I threatened to go home on the next plane if she didn’t. A big thank you to Al-Anon for the strength and courage to do that! Speaking of shout-outs!

I can’t seem to quit on my own.

I’ve tried. I need support. I need leverage. I need accountability.

That sounds good, right? But I could continue living like this and continue beating myself up for not taking advantage of the new year and this challenge to at least try.

What the heck am I talking about?

Deep breath, Marilyn.

While I am in reasonably good health and have even lost weight during COVID–due to nerves and stress, not dieting–my living space is a mess. And because of that, so is my self-esteem.

My large apartment is jam-packed. I have more stuff than I can store. So books and papers pile up everywhere, making it hard to clean.

Despite my best intentions. Might I have some form of attention deficit disorder that gets in the way of figuring this out?

I can pick up a piece of paper from a cattywampus pile and stare at it, get lost in it, but not figure out what the heck to do with it. File cabinets, desks, and drawers are stuffed to the gills. With old, old stuff. I need a fresh start.

My Mental Space as Well as My Physical Space

I do a lot of mental juggling since there are more to-dos and worries than mental file drawers to fit them in. This leads to procrastination. And difficulty setting boundaries with people. In a state of constant fluster, I lack the clarity to say, I need to cut this short. Or not engage at all.

Last October I wrote about these issues and decided to work on them in the third quarter of 2021. Work me up some end-of-year momentum. Didn’t happen.

So what’s it really gonna take?

A breakthrough? A makeover? A surrender?

Eureka, a surrender. Reminding me I can’t do this without help, thank you very much.

The more folks who know I’m stuck, the more help I’ll get. If not hands-on, maybe suggestions, referrals, and resources. And encouragement.

After all, that’s helped my writing goals. I somehow carved out 41 hours I didn’t think I had for editing during NaNoWriMo. Because I had friends also doing NaNo. We had writing sessions on Zoom, and a Facebook accountability group.

Not all that unlike a twelve-step program.

Given they meet on Zoom, I can attend CLA or CoDA from home. Would I hide in front of a virtual background or let them see the real me?

Surrender is also a spiritual practice.

Surrender means recognizing I can’t do this alone. Higher Powers with higher wisdom can help. But I have to ask them and let them.

Two huge steps. Deep breath, Marilyn.

It’s December 20. I have eleven days to wrap my brain and heart around all this and come up with first steps. I envision a four-pronged approach:

The physical–my space needs purging, re-organizing, and cleaning. But it starts with being honest and asking for, and if need be, paying for help.

The mental–I have too much on my plate, which involves prioritizing and delegating. But it starts with being honest and asking for, and if need be, paying for help.

The emotional–this involves tough love. Being honest and gentle, but firm with myself. Not saying let me try it my way first and let’s see what happens. Am I willing to feel naked, and vulnerable when people see how I live?

The spiritual–asking my Higher Power for help. Taking all this into prayer, meditation, and my journaling practice of Inner Listening. I get insights and wisdom when I do.

I’ve learned by coming clean about my sexual acting out that I have a Higher Power Who truly loves me and wants the best for me. And is with me every step of the way.

Framing this as a spiritual challenge is brand new as of today.

But doing so gives me confidence, willingness, and hope that I really can change. Your encouragement and suggestions are welcome. Thank you in advance.

Calling on friends to help. Thanks ahead of time y’all!

Meg Stewart; Cindy Heath; Alison Acheson; Katie Michaelson; Shaunta Grimes; Adrienne Grimes; Michelle March; James Knight; Susan Brearley; Coyote Susan; Zach J. Payne; DRM, Juneta Key; Bebe Nicholson; Debbie Walker; Margie Pearl; Carol Lennox; Baskerville Old Face (BOF), Holly J See; Lee-Anne Hancock; Anne Chisom; Aikya Param, Krista Bennett; Marla Bishop; Rachael Ann Sand; Andrew Rodwin, Emoji Whisperer; AC Troi; Kristen Reinhardt; Susie Antonia; Pene Hodge; Gabriela Francisco; Diana C.; Spyder; Sarah Terzo; Dr Mehmet Yildiz; Art Bram; Rose CG; Pat Sullivan.

I want to give a shout-out to Suma Narayan for her perspective on clutter. She reminds us that we also need to know what is NOT clutter so that it continues to be a part of our life. Don’t throw those away ‘by mistake.’ Recognize that they are the breath of your life. Keep them close.

I also want to thank Winston for offering this challenge and me an opportunity to get leverage on myself for 2022!

Enjoy this reading list of Mystical Poetry

Marilyn Flower writes humor to laugh the changes she wants to see and make. She’s the author of Creative Blogging: Ninja Writers Guide to Character Development and Bucket Listers, Get Your Brave On: How to Do the Thing You’re ‘Too Old’ & ‘Too Scared’ to Do. Clowning and improvisation strengthen her resolve during these crazy times. Stay in touch!