Political satire
Republican Party Fundraiser
Organizers announce menu for upcoming fundraising dinner
At a press conference held earlier today, the Republican Supernatural Committee announced the menu for its upcoming fundraising dinner. Donors attending the event, which will be held at an undisclosed location, will be served: - Poached cod with Russian dressing - Trumpet mushrooms - Leeks over a bed of covfefe - Dessert: None
Explaining the unusual choice of cuisine, Ivagrudge Trumpwell, Chairman of the Committee of Mar-a-Lago, said, “We chose the main course because of all the fishy things going on within the Republican Party at the moment.”
Another reason, she noted, was to draw attention to the fact that Democrats are obviously on a fishing expedition. “The Dems have come up with one whale of a story about why the current occupant of the Office of the Former President of the United States (OOFPUS) should be impeached,” she said. “Any Republican who votes for this fish story is going to get hit with a sea change that will send them running for the lifeboats. Abandoning the ship of the legitimate government of the United States is simply not a wise move.”
When asked about the significance of the ‘poached’ fish, Trumpwell responded, “That is open for any interpretation you choose. We just put the facts out there. You folks in the fake media always spice them up.”
Moving on to the next menu items, Trumpwell explained that the Trumpet mushrooms are grown in a secret cave. They are kept in the dark and fed excrement from bulls, a huge herd of which grazes on the grounds of Mar-a-Lago. They accompany the occupant of OOFPUS when he travels to rallies, where he generously spreads their excrement, delighting attendees. “I’d say they eat it up,” Trumpwell said. “But I don’t want to be indelicate.”
Trumpwell called particular attention to the leeks, which are being supplied by Rudolph Guilianamo and Marjorie Traitor Greenfield, coauthors of a recently published cookbook entitled “Cooking Up Stories with Four Seasons.” When asked what covfefe is, Trumpwell responded that she couldn’t talk about that since it is a secret code word and she, like the mushrooms, is kept in the dark. “But people who need to know do know,” she added. “I’m just not one of them; I don’t need to know anything.”
This was an obvious though unintended reference to her time serving in the White House under the previous administration, when she was assigned the title of Senior Advisor in order to negotiate with the Chinese on patents for voting machines and her clothing line.
When asked why no dessert was listed on the menu, Trumpwell explained that the chefs had originally planned to serve humble pie but were overruled by the current occupant of OOFPUS, who reportedly said, with a stomp of his foot, that he was NOT eating that kind of pie.
“After considerable discussion about an appropriate substitution, we decided to simply take that course off the menus completely,” Trumpwell said. “There’s just nothing sweet about the situation we’re in.”
Asked at the end of the press conference whether Trumpwell thought that the Republicans were getting their just desserts, she looked dumbfounded. “Just dessert?” she asked, rolling her eyes and shaking her head in disbelief at the question. “Why on earth would we invite America’s wealthiest donors to a dinner with just dessert?”