Reprogramming Negative Thoughts Isn’t Easy

But my grandmother’s advice still works

There’s nothing to do now but wait. We’ve hired an advocate for my daughter in Alabama to help her with her school issues. At this point, I can’t do anything more than leave the resolution of this dispute up to a higher power.

But, I’m not good at waiting for things and the stressful situation is killing me. Just yesterday, I clipped the side of the garage with my car’s side mirror and shoved whites into the washing machine along with the reds. Damn.

And last night, as I cleaned up after dinner, I turned from the sink to the fridge holding a glass container full of soupy leftovers and tripped over a dog. Of course, I dropped the container which shattered against the tile floor, spreading its contents from one side of the kitchen to the other.

I screamed at both dogs to get the hell out of the kitchen before they started lapping up shards of glass, then slumped against the fridge and bawled. I had soup in my shoes and on my pants. Definitely not a good look for anyone over 50.

As I sat there crying, I heard my brother’s junior high school voice mocking me as he did so long ago, “Oh yeah, you’re so mature.”

Something’s got to give. I think it’s my attitude.

Last week, in this story, I asked for prayers and positive thoughts from Medium readers to help my family get through this ugly time. The response I got was overwhelming. I’m honored and humbled by all the amazing and generous people on this platform. I need to remember that there are more good people in the world than bad, and that, all things considered, my family has a lot to be grateful for.

So, in an effort to rewire my brain to think a little more positively, I’ve decided to use a tool taught to me by my grandmother. She told me that whenever she caught herself in a negative cycle, she looked at pictures from happier times and let the lovely memories change the way she thought.

It’s worth a try. I have lots of pictures from my recent visit with my daughter to Birmingham, Alabama. In spite of what she was going through, we had a great time exploring the beautiful city that she’s lived in for the past four months.

Shall we?

Birmingham is a charming old city with brick buildings, plenty of trees and happy people. The city takes old buildings and turns them into apartments or shops while leaving the original character in place. I took the picture above en route to a restaurant on the ground floor of the building pictured above. We had excellent Thai food that night.

A person could walk anywhere in this town. My daughter’s apartment is only a 10-minute saunter to her hospital assignment. In the event that something is a little too far, the city has placed motorized scooters everywhere that may be rented by downloading an app.

It’s a friendly city too. Living in California, I’m not used to perfect strangers saying hello to me as they pass by. And, in every shop or restaurant, friendly staff said please, thank you, and yes ma’am. My daughter says that’s just how things are in the south. I’ve put Birmingham on the list of cities I might consider living in when we actually decide to retire.

It seemed that everywhere we walked, we saw turtles. Birmingham has more rivers, lakes and ponds than any other city I’ve seen. Every park we visited had a pond filled with turtles and I became obsessed with them. They didn’t seem to mind humans at all. In fact, I think they liked posing for pictures.

Birmingham has miles of lush hiking trails in the surrounding hills. My daughter and I took a 5-mile hike that included a trek across the suspension bridge pictured above. I got to see spectacular views of downtown Birmingham from the “tree house,” and I’m glad I made it there to see them, but I don’t need to walk across that bridge ever again.

Birmingham has its own zoo and botanical gardens. We only had time to visit one of them, so we chose the gardens and I’m glad we did. Naturally landscaped and cared for by volunteers, the gardens display many plants native to Alabama. We missed the cherry blossoms by a couple of weeks, but the display above made for a lovely consolation prize. If you need to get your zen on, I’d highly recommend visiting this quiet, peaceful garden.

During my three-day stay, we found food for every palate (many vegan options, to my daughter’s delight), and lots of entertainment. With the University of Alabama in town, it’s possible to find plays, symphonies, dance concerts or movie festivals at any given time.

Three days were perfect for this trip. We saw almost everything we wanted to see, with the exception of the zoo. That will have to wait for the next trip.

So, did my grandmother’s advice work? I’m happy to say that yes, I’m in a much brighter mood after looking at the photos and writing this little story. I’m still standing.

Now, I think I’ll get off my duff, walk my dogs and get some sun. I’ve been brooding for far too long.