Summary

The author discusses their ongoing struggle with imposter syndrome, exacerbated by remote work in the tech industry, despite progressing from an intern to a manager over a decade.

Abstract

The article delves into the author's personal experience with imposter syndrome, highlighting the persistent feelings of inadequacy and fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite their professional growth and external success. The author, who has transitioned to a managerial role in the tech sector, reflects on the unrealistic expectation of having all the answers and the constant pressure to keep up with rapidly evolving technologies. The shift to remote work has intensified these feelings, as the author feels the need to individually prove their worth in each interaction, without the indirect affirmations that come from a shared office space. The lack of female role models in tech and the challenges of being an expat in London further compound the issue. The author acknowledges the prevalence of imposter syndrome among women and the additional complexities introduced by remote work, where direct interactions carry more weight and the sense of professionalism is harder to convey.

Opinions

The author believes that imposter syndrome is a persistent challenge, even as they've advanced in their career.
They acknowledge that the nature of the tech industry, with its constant stream of new technologies, contributes to the feeling of never knowing enough.
The author feels that remote work has heightened their imposter syndrome by removing the collective office environment and replacing it with fewer, but more intense and direct, interactions.
They express that being a woman in tech, with fewer female role models and the potential of being seen as a diversity hire, adds to the sense of doubt.
The author identifies with Professor Marie Barnes, who also experiences imposter syndrome and has not pinpointed a moment when she felt like a true professional.
They recognize the privileges they have as a white woman but also point out the added pressure of proving oneself individually in a remote work setting.
The author is seeking personal strategies to manage imposter syndrome in the context of remote work and plans to share their journey and findings in the future.
They invite readers to share their own experiences with imposter syndrome and how remote work has affected their professional self-perception.

Remote Work Has Made My Imposter Syndrome Worse

I feel the need to prove myself to everyone individually now

“Is this the right response? What if I got it all wrong?

They will laugh at me if they realise I don’t know everything about this topic.

Oh dear, they are going to find out I’m a fraud now.”

I had this internal conversation in my first year of work. And I’m having this conversation in my tenth year of work.

I was an intern back then, and I’m a manager now.

How am I still rehearsing the same exact monologue?

I thought with experience I would gain more expertise and have all the answers, and never feel again like I don’t know enough.

When will I feel an expert at my work, have all the solutions and share them with no doubts?

I know the answer to this, and it terrifies me.

Never. I will never have all the solutions.

Because I work in tech, and now every millisecond there’s a new technology being born I need to learn.

But let me not blame this on tech.

The real reason is that I’m a human being, like everyone else.

Imposter Syndrome

I logically know I’m a human and I will never have all the answers, but why is it so hard to internalise?

It feels like I am a duck, effortlessly gliding on a pond. I float along in my career, growing and looking like I have everything under control.

But if you look underneath the water, my little feet are desperately fighting to keep afloat. I’m not just working hard to move ahead — I’m also terrified of sinking.

And this intense hard work and fear of sinking are some of the symptoms of what is called imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like “a fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities. betterup.com

It is a well accepted fact that women are more likely to experience imposter syndrome, and I am no better than the other women.

Working in tech I believe has made it worse. Because I don’t have many female role models to look up to, and I hate that sometimes women are hired to fulfil the diversity quota. Which gives the imposter syndrome monster an extra argument:

They hired you only because you are a woman, not because you are skilled.

I’m also an expat, coming from a small country to the big, overwhelming London, where so many people want to come but can’t. During those internal monologues, I sometimes also think:

Who are you to tell so many people what to do and how to do it? You are a nobody.

And on top of these disadvantages¹ I believe there is a new factor which has made my imposter syndrome worse, remote work.

¹Note: I am aware that as a white woman I also have a lot, a lot of privileges in this world and there are people who have so much more disadvantages than I do.

Remote Work

I have been working fully remote for the past three years. And virtually it feels like I need to prove myself to every single person I work with. The collective of the office doesn’t exist any more.

Professor Marie Barnes, PhD, believes that the sudden and ambiguous transition into full-time working from home has caused more self-doubt and insecurity over belonging.

Barnes herself is well experienced in imposter syndrome. A student during a class asked her at what point in her career she felt like a professional, and she responded with, “I’ll tell you when I experience it.”

I don’t know this professor, but I want her to be my friend, please. I have never related to someone this much.

Since remote work, I feel even less like a professional, and I experience more pressure to prove myself to colleagues and leaders.

In the office, many colleagues can notice us even if we aren’t working with them directly.

They see us work with other colleagues
They see us interact with our team in the open office
They hear about us from others
We can randomly meet for lunch
We can share things we have learned with someone at the coffee station
We can discuss challenges we have with the colleague siting next to us

Based on all these micro exposure points colleagues form an opinion about us.

But remotely, there’s only the macro exposure points.

→ the emails,

→ the work meetings,

→ the products of our work

→ and the occasional awkward virtual team socials

And all of these are direct, not indirect like many at the office.

Which puts so much more pressure in them and makes me feel like I need to prove myself in every of these interactions.

Also, the size of the audience remotely is always smaller. It’s not the whole floor at the office. It’s five people in this email and three people in that meeting, one leader who reads that report, and only our team in that virtual social.

Instead of getting some help from the reputation we can build at the office, now I feel like I need to prove myself to every colleague individually.

Working from my couch in pyjamas or sweatpants while I’m trying to do that, definitely doesn’t help. Makes me feel even less worthy.

I know what you might be thinking. Go more often to the office then.

I would, if my colleagues were there. But I am in a global team, and the people I work with right now are in nine different countries. Even if I went to the office, they won’t be there.

And no, I won’t change my job, because I love the role, the team and the company I’m working for.

The solution is to reach the point where I am managing and overcoming imposter syndrome in the current remote work environment I have.

I wish I could end this article with some advice on how to do that, but I am not there yet, and I don’t want to recycle here the abundant advice from others that exists on the Internet.

I will try them for myself first, see what works, and share my journey again in a future story.

How about you, have you ever had imposter syndrome? And has remote work impacted the way you feel about your work?

Would love to read your experiences and any strategies that have worked for you.