avatarPenelope Jane

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ould ever have with him, we would still be on the phone. While his death was unexpected, our last conversation was fitting, as if he sensed that his time was near. The next couple of days after our conversation, I kept thinking about him but resolved that we would all talk on Thanksgiving Day, as was our tradition. However, on that morning, I received a call that he had passed. Life is fleeting. Your life, my life, the lives of the people that we love are shorter than we realize or would like to admit. We don’t know when the last time, will be the last time. So, I am learning to hold close friends and family. To be careful about last acts, words, and interactions, as they may become final memories.</p><p id="0b88"><b>It’s okay to NOT be okay</b>. Most people have a natural tendency to attempt to comfort or console those who are grieving. Often, you will hear — “it’s going to be okay” or “don’t cry” from those with good intentions. However, I believe that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to cry. We need to cry. It’s okay to not want to be bothered by phone calls, texts, and visits. These can become overwhelming. While th

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ese things are okay to feel and experience, it is equally important that we realize (or have good people surrounding us who realize) when additional or professional help with our grief is warranted.</p><p id="8cf9"><b>The worst is NEVER the worst</b>. While life has a way of falling completely apart and stripping you of everything that you hold dear, the worst is never the worst. In the worst possible situations, it is possible to garner an inner strength and courage that will help you through each day. It is in these difficult times that we should seek to lean into our relationships with our higher power, therapists, family, and friends for comfort. While the experience of grief is personal, it also helps to grieve in community with others.</p><p id="bca6">This year has been filled with the communal grief related to the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic and personal grief due to the loss of my loved ones. However, through these significant losses, I have been able to remain hopeful, whole, and even happy by considering these reflections. Take heart that whatever the situation, it is possible to recover.</p></article></body>

Remaining Hopeful in Grief.

Three strategies for fostering hope in difficult times.

Photo by Pablo Heimplatz on Unsplash.

Life has a way of pushing you past your imagined limits. Five years ago, we laid our mother to rest, and recently, we laid our brother to rest next to our mother. Parallel graves. Half of my immediate family. Never could I have imagined this reality for myself and my younger sibling. Together we stood, our bond now stronger than ever, the youngest and the oldest, attempting to grapple with our new normal. While the pain has been unbearable at times, our hope is not lost.

During these past few weeks, a few things have become clear:

You don’t know, what you don’t know. If I had known that the last conversation that I had with my brother would be the LAST conversation that I would ever have with him, we would still be on the phone. While his death was unexpected, our last conversation was fitting, as if he sensed that his time was near. The next couple of days after our conversation, I kept thinking about him but resolved that we would all talk on Thanksgiving Day, as was our tradition. However, on that morning, I received a call that he had passed. Life is fleeting. Your life, my life, the lives of the people that we love are shorter than we realize or would like to admit. We don’t know when the last time, will be the last time. So, I am learning to hold close friends and family. To be careful about last acts, words, and interactions, as they may become final memories.

It’s okay to NOT be okay. Most people have a natural tendency to attempt to comfort or console those who are grieving. Often, you will hear — “it’s going to be okay” or “don’t cry” from those with good intentions. However, I believe that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to cry. We need to cry. It’s okay to not want to be bothered by phone calls, texts, and visits. These can become overwhelming. While these things are okay to feel and experience, it is equally important that we realize (or have good people surrounding us who realize) when additional or professional help with our grief is warranted.

The worst is NEVER the worst. While life has a way of falling completely apart and stripping you of everything that you hold dear, the worst is never the worst. In the worst possible situations, it is possible to garner an inner strength and courage that will help you through each day. It is in these difficult times that we should seek to lean into our relationships with our higher power, therapists, family, and friends for comfort. While the experience of grief is personal, it also helps to grieve in community with others.

This year has been filled with the communal grief related to the threat of the COVID-19 pandemic and personal grief due to the loss of my loved ones. However, through these significant losses, I have been able to remain hopeful, whole, and even happy by considering these reflections. Take heart that whatever the situation, it is possible to recover.

Grief
Grieving
Gratitude
Help
Hope
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