Relationship Lessons From My Lovely Neighbours Who Celebrated 70 Years Wedding Anniversary

Four Important Marriage Hacks That Make All The Difference

My neighbour and his wife celebrated their seventy years wedding anniversary last Friday. They have been together for seventy-two years in all, and are still lovey-dovey about each other. Their only son and his family live in a far way Australia, and because I am like an adopted daughter close to them, I was invited for a small family celebration at their home.

What Is The Secret Of Their Happiness Where I Have Failed?

Naturally, as a divorcee, I am curious about the secret of their happiness. At least, I want to learn valuable lessons about one of the most important institutions in the world. This will definitely be handy whether I remarry or be in a new relationship. It is not good to fail twice, and this seems like an important lesson to grab for free.

‘’The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook’’ William James

I am actually interested in how these two individuals come together and are still doting on each other after so many years together. There must be a clue, or are they lucky to have found each other just here on earth, of a marriage made in heaven? I really want to know and learn. Here are the hacks I learnt from discussing with this lovely couple.

The Average divorce statistic here in the UK is overall at 33.3%, over the past fifty years, so you can see that my neighbours really stand out here.

Four Hacks That Make All The Difference

1. We Agree Before A decision Is Finalised — Love, marriage and happiness are more complex than they seem. It has not always been harmonious, they have their fair share of arguments and conflicts. At a time they even considered separation before they realised they have to work at their differences to make things work for each other.

‘’When a flower doesn’t bloom, you fix the environment in which the flower grows, not the flower.’’ Alexander Dan Heijer

This is understandable because these were two different individuals from different backgrounds, personalities and values. They now have to do things considering each other points of view, preferences, desires and needs. It has not always been easy for them to agree on all issues all the time.

The man told me that they normally leave decision aground if they cannot agree. This happens mostly on holiday destinations and on their finances, and they will keep the discussion on until they both agree on a place and what to spend.

2. Always Overlook The Imperfection — Afterall, we are all humans, and no one is perfect at the end of the day. If you believe you are in the long haul together, then, you must learn to overlook many things and believe the other person is an extension of yourself.

A happy marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.

We discuss if any one of us is hurt, and we leave it at that. We never let our arguments or differences extend to the following day. We forgive and forget, so to speak. We maintain an open mind and an open heart, a heart that freely forgives.

3. The Financial Aspect Can Bring Conflict — if not well managed. This was during their younger years. The man explained that his wife is a fashionable woman, who likes trendy clothes, most of which he did not agree to. So they agree on an amount of money she could spend on such things, without the husband’s consent, as long as she did not go over the amount. The husband is fine.

So we have a budget for her to spend on clothing, pieces of jewellery, shoes, bags and cosmetics. She kept to the budget, and we are both happy. He told me she has slowed down a bit now, although he chuckled that it was her elegance that attracted her to him in the first instance.

‘’Money is the worst discovery of human life. But it is the most trusted material to test human nature.’’ Buddism.com

We also have budgets for most expenditure and endeavour to keep out of debts. This is an important aspect of happiness in marriage which can cause conflict, and a lot of worries, especially if one of the party is an unreasonable spender.

Debt can put a lot of strain on a marriage, the man said. I am always the one with upper-hand, keeping an eagle eye on our expenses. I am happy that in the end, we are able to put this aspect in proper perspective.

4. We Express Gratitude To Each Other — We always appreciate little things done for each other. We, never take each for granted. I am really surprised when the wife informed me her husband always thank her after a nice meal, his words are, ‘’Oh thank you, dear, I enjoyed that.’’ The wife told me she is usually extra happy when she hears that.

It is like again, gratitude has a place even in a seventy-years old marriage. The man explained that she is always grateful and takes delight in his wife culinary discipline. ‘’She loves cooking’’, he said, ‘’and I love eating. Lanu, do you now see how we complement each other?’’

I agreed because, he told me his wife cooked the meal for the celebration, and it was delicious. I enjoyed it myself and thanked the wife too. Gratitude goes a long way in any relationship, not only in a marriage setting.

‘’When you focus on gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out, and the tide of love rushes in.’’ Kristen Armstrong

Gratitude should be the way of life for all of us if we want to grow spiritually and materially. We all want to be appreciated and loved. And it will bring us a lot of happiness if this is coming from our spouses It is an ingredient of most successful relationships.