Regrets over a Cat I Didn’t Adopt

The strong attachment I felt for a cat that I didn’t take home

This year, we will be celebrating Ivy’s tenth birthday and nine years since we adopted each other. Since becoming her dutiful butler, I am convinced that our connection was meant to be and I could not have asked for a better companion animal especially as a first-time pet owner.

What surprises me is that years later, I still think back to some of the other cats I met during my visits to the pet stores that offered animals for adoption from local shelters. In some ways, it feels wrong to be thinking about the other cats when I know that Ivy and I were a great match from the beginning, but I think it is natural to hope that they all found good forever homes.

One cat in particular stole a piece of my heart and has kept it since.

I met her one day after work at a pet store near my office that featured cats for adoption on behalf of our local Humane Society. I will refer to her as “Gloria”, even though that was not her real name.

When I got to the store, the two clerks were busy with a dog owner and with his faithful companion inquiring about a furniture “investment piece”. From my vantage point, the dog appeared to be a happy and friendly puppy, joyfully playing for her audience and soaking up all of the attention.

But from where I was standing, Gloria’s cage looked empty. My heart sank as I worried that I might have missed my chance to meet what could have been my future pet.

When the dog and his owner left, I asked the clerks where Gloria was. They walked me to the cage saying she was probably hiding because the dog likely made her nervous.

Sure enough, a few seconds after waiting by the cage, a little head slowly peeked out of the cardboard box, looking a little like a hand puppet. Gloria was indeed home.

The clerks went on to share her back story. At 7 years old, she was an older cat. She was living in a home with other pets and apparently, was not getting along with the others. This led to the decision that putting her up for adoption might be the best solution for everyone.

I can appreciate the challenge this must have presented to her family, as chemistry is not something that we can make happen, as much for humans as within the animal kingdom. I also appreciate that the decision to take her to the Humane Society must have been a very difficult one, but in the long run, was probably the best thing for her if she was not thriving and if they ran out of options.

When Gloria finally came out of her box, she was so hesitant to meet her new visitor, no matter how sweetly and gently I was trying to encourage her to come and say hello.

After sniffing my hand from a distance, she started approaching. I slowly reached over and tried to gently pet her back to which she stepped back at first. A few seconds later, she finally realized that I was just trying to make friends with her and moved closer to enjoy the attention.

When I pulled my hand away after a few strokes, I noticed the cat hair on my hand. It wasn’t just a few strands, it was significantly more than I had seen from any other cat I met during my recent visits. I also noticed that she had quite a few skin flakes throughout her coat. I was afraid to pet her any more firmly for fear of having her drop any essential parts.

I reached back in to give her another gentle petting, to which she let out a soft little meow, clearly appreciating the affection, which completely melted my heart. We were bonding already.

As I continued chatting with the pet store team, I kept an eye on Gloria. It was increasingly apparent that this was a nervous kitty.

In some ways, deep down, I already knew Gloria all too well.

I recalled times when my usual cheerful disposition was eclipsed by a sudden drop in confidence, due to circumstances out of my control, resulting in my body revealing signs of stress that I couldn’t cover up.

I recalled times when I experienced a loss of certainty and security, resulting in anxiety following me like a shadow.

In those times, I was Gloria.

However, as much as one might view this empathy and mutual understanding as a good starting point was I truly the best one to help her through it?

Would my absence from home to earn a living offer Gloria enough human presence, comforting and reassurance for her to regain her strength?

As much as caring for Gloria would have been a great distraction from my own ruminations about the world, was this the companion animal for me?

When I was brutally honest with myself, I knew that I was looking for a cat to help me in feeling centred and grounded through stressful times, not the other way around.

After careful consideration, it pained me to admit that the amount of care she would likely require to regain her confidence might be a lot for me to handle as a first time pet owner. In some ways I felt incredibly guilty to think that, but in other ways, I knew it was the right thing for both of us. A more experienced cat owner with time to invest in her care might offer the better home for Gloria.

When I left the pet store and sat in my car, I couldn’t hit the road just yet. Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt like a horrible person in rejecting a cat whom I know needed love, compassion and acceptance… like I did the times when I felt alone in my stress and anxiety.

I often wonder what happened next. I really hope that Gloria did end up in the right forever home, getting the care and attention she needed. I do hope she found a home in which she could rule a kingdom of her own, all on her own, and regain her joy, strength and confidence.

I extend my deepest thanks to the great work that shelters and animal rescues do. I really don’t know how workers can do that job without falling in love with all of the pets and taking them all home. I genuinely appreciate the important role that they play, caring for all of the animals regardless of their circumstances, making matches that enrich the lives of so many and in offering a voice for the little ones who cannot speak for themselves.

In case you missed it, here is the story of how Ivy became my roommate

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Sincere thanks for reading!

Have a great day,

André