Refuge Recovery — My Lifestyle Choice.
This is a true tale of how I found myself taking the Buddhist approach to recovery!
Refuge Recovery is a mindfulness-based addiction recovery program that incorporates Buddhist principles and practices. I can honestly say their ways of practice have opened up my experiences in sobriety to a joyful, happier place of living that I NEVER thought possible.
If you used to think like I did by always being the negative Nancey or that negative thinking pattern that never went away that kept you in the active cycle of addiction but are lost, confused, irritable, & don’t know yet if sobriety is for you then no worries — ‘this article is most definitely for you!’
It wasn’t until this book hit my doorstep that I had any sense of what a sober life could look like. I didn’t picture life without drugs or alcohol as I had a lot of adverse childhood experiences that took place from 7–13 years old. I needed them; memories lost or numbed at all times.
The traumatic memories that I held deep down inside me were a big part of why I stayed in the active cycle of addiction. I didn’t want to remember what my abuser did to me. I didn’t want to continue to go over to ‘family events’ and see my abuser.
I was scared to tell anyone what happened to me nearly 3/4 of my life. I was living the secret he wanted me to!
“I was younger, why do I need to tell anyone now, and would they even believe me!?”
That style of thinking, my friends is what kept me using illicit drugs, hopeless pills, booze, or whatever mind-altering substance it was, food, candy, it all got used to numb the pain I was living in, and it sucked!
(Trauma-Trigger-Warning)
It was my dad’s brother’s youngest child that did the damage to me and my self-worth. He is sick and has always had a sick mind! I still think my dad should have seen it happening right before his eyes because, as I have a two-year-old son, I can read him like a book, no matter if he spoke the truth. I think I would be able to tell my son’s whole demeanor changed. Especially if something happened similar to him as it did to me.
I couldn’t hold that resentment against my father forever for making me live with his brother and sick child, which then led to me getting sexually molested for years to come. That was when mom got a divorce from dad, so I had resentments I was holding against my parents for the longest time that I didn’t even know were weighing me down so much!
I believe that I held those resentments in even until my first year of sobriety — which I lost back in 2016 because I was only going to AA meetings seven days a week, meeting with my sponsor three days a week, and going to HA on Sundays. I did a lot of hard work with my recovery in AA; I met a lot of great people in AA, but let me be honest with you. They didn’t know how to control their thinking patterns. NONE. Some were mindful and taught mindfulness, but nothing was even close to the people I found in Refuge Recovery!
Not one person could stand up in the room and say I can make the destructive thoughts go away by incorporating your breath like someone did for us in Refuge Recovery!
Addiction is suffering, but adding trauma to the mix means worse than suffering, and digging deep to find the whys! — Derek.O
It was the trauma that was weighing me down like a ton of bricks everywhere I went. I didn’t know what I needed to do to get rid of the trauma. That was the thing I was missing right away — ‘you can't make trauma go away.’
This was when I asked the sober individuals I was living around at the time about trauma and if they had ever dealt with something similar.
I asked the people in my recovery home I was living in at the time —
Have you guys ever done anything that felt as strong as a drug, but wasn’t a drug, that then could lead me to a tad bit of release of this trauma I had in my body instead of pushing it down with substances?
Hearing My Question Made Me Have a Moment of Clarity!
I heard my sober living manager mention Refuge Recovery, he told me it was a Buddhist approach to sobriety, and they did not have any meetings yet to attend. Nearby that was, he said he would be willing to take me and anyone else who wanted to attend the meeting one hour away next week. He ate another bite of his pizza that was scorching hot, then burned himself yelling —
“ARE YOU READY TO HAVE A FUN RECOVERY DEREK?”
Asking That Question Changed Everything!
I had my mom order me the Refuge Recovery book. It hit the doorstep in Michigan, and my mom then sent it out to me in Delray Beach, Florida, where I was staying for treatment at that time. Double doorstep, double books shipped! Not a misspelled word, silly!
My mom ordered me two Refuge Recovery books, one for me and one for Joey, whom I would meet soon at a Refuge meeting. He needed help with a book, I didn’t need two, so I looked at him and borrowed him the second one mom got me. It all worked out. Joey and I became very good friends at Reco in Delray Beach!
That is how I got introduced to Refuge. There are so many more meetings now than there were five years ago, which means the Buddhist approach to recovery is working for a lot of people. I will share with you all how I think the meetings are ten times better at a Refuge than AA, NA, CA, HA, GA, or any anonymous group that has nothing on Refuge — here is why!
FAQ about REFUGE?????????!!!!
I created questions with answers, the most asked questions :) Then I added the forgiveness approach audio recording this article which honestly helped me get the perspective I needed to have forgiveness.
You must learn how to forgive first!
Meditation at the beginning of each meeting is important because it helps individuals in several ways.
- Firstly, it creates a calm and focused state of mind, allowing participants to be fully present and engaged in the meeting.
- Secondly, meditation helps individuals develop self-awareness and cultivate mindfulness, which can help overcome addictive patterns and cravings.
- Lastly, it provides a space for individuals to connect with their inner selves, promoting self-reflection, emotional regulation, and a sense of inner peace.
What is the purpose of incorporating Buddhist principles and practices in the Refuge Recovery program?
- The purpose of incorporating Buddhist principles and practices in the Refuge Recovery program is to provide individuals with a holistic approach to addiction recovery.
- Buddhism offers valuable teachings and techniques that can support individuals in their journey towards healing and transformation. By integrating Buddhist principles such as compassion, mindfulness, and wisdom, Refuge Recovery encourages individuals to explore the root causes of their addictive behaviors and cultivate a deep understanding of themselves.
- This approach helps individuals develop a sense of inner peace, resilience, and the ability to respond to life’s challenges more skillfully and compassionately.
- Additionally, Buddhist practices such as meditation, ethical conduct, and community support provide practical tools for individuals to develop a strong foundation for recovery and personal growth.
What teachings and techniques can Buddhism offer to support individuals in their journey toward healing and transformation?
- Buddhism offers a range of teachings and techniques that can support individuals in their journey towards healing and transformation.
Here are some key ones, also with a meditational audio clip from Refuge.org
1. Mindfulness:
Buddhism emphasizes the practice of mindfulness, which involves cultivating non-judgmental awareness of the present moment. Mindfulness allows individuals to observe their thoughts, emotions, and sensations without attachment or aversion, helping them develop a deeper understanding of their inner experiences.
2. Compassion:
Compassion is a central teaching in Buddhism. By cultivating compassion towards oneself and others, individuals can develop a sense of empathy and kindness. This can help heal past wounds, develop healthy relationships, and foster a sense of connection and belonging.
3. Impermanence:
Buddhism teaches that everything is impermanent and subject to change. Understanding and accepting this truth can help individuals let go of attachment and aversion, leading to greater freedom from suffering and the ability to adapt to life's challenges.
4. Non-attachment:
Buddhism teaches that attachment to desires and attachments leads to suffering. By practicing non-attachment, individuals can cultivate a sense of detachment from material possessions, relationships, and even their self-identity. This can lead to greater freedom and a deeper understanding of the nature of reality.
5. Meditation:
Buddhism strongly emphasizes meditation as a means of training the mind and cultivating inner peace and clarity. Regular meditation practice can help individuals develop a calm and focused mind, reduce stress and anxiety, and gain insight into the nature of their thoughts and emotions.
6. Ethical Conduct:
Buddhism emphasizes the importance of ethical conduct, including refraining from harmful actions, cultivating kindness, and living in harmony with others. By practicing ethical conduct, individuals can develop a sense of integrity and create positive karma, which can contribute to their overall well-being and transformation.
These teachings and techniques provide individuals with practical tools to navigate the challenges of life, overcome addictions, and cultivate a sense of inner peace and well-being.
How can mindfulness practice support individuals in their journey towards healing and transformation?
1. Awareness of Thoughts and Emotions:
Mindfulness helps individuals become aware of their thoughts, emotions, and thinking patterns. By observing these mental processes without judgment or attachment, individuals can gain insight into the root causes of their suffering and make conscious choices in response to their experiences.
2. Emotional Regulation:
Mindfulness practice allows individuals to develop emotional regulation skills. By cultivating a non-reactive and non-judgmental attitude towards their emotions, individuals can learn to observe and accept their emotions without being overwhelmed by them. This can lead to greater emotional stability and the ability to respond to challenging situations with clarity and composure.
3. Self-Compassion:
Mindfulness involves cultivating a compassionate and non-judgmental attitude towards oneself. By practicing self-compassion, individuals can develop a kind and caring relationship with themselves, which is essential for healing and transformation. Self-compassion allows individuals to acknowledge their pain and suffering with kindness and understanding, providing a foundation for self-growth and healing.
4. Stress Reduction:
Mindfulness practice has been shown to reduce stress and promote relaxation. By focusing on the present moment and letting go of worries about the future or regrets about the past, individuals can experience a greater sense of calm and peace. Reduced stress levels can positively impact physical and mental health, contributing to overall well-being and healing.
5. Increased Self-Awareness:
Mindfulness practice enhances self-awareness, enabling individuals to develop a deeper understanding of their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. This self-awareness is crucial for identifying and changing unhelpful patterns and beliefs that may be contributing to suffering. By becoming more aware of oneself, individuals have the opportunity to make conscious choices and cultivate positive changes in their lives.
6. Enhanced Resilience:
Mindfulness practice can strengthen resilience, which is the ability to bounce back from adversity. By developing present-moment awareness and accepting the impermanence of life, individuals can cultivate a greater sense of inner strength and adaptability. This resilience can support individuals in navigating challenges and setbacks on their healing and transformation journey.
Overall, mindfulness practice offers individuals a powerful tool for self-exploration, self-compassion, and personal growth. It was what I needed to see recovery as a happy place to live, I didn’t see sober as something I could do because I was so unaware of the pain I was in until I started to give myself time to meditate!
It laid a healing and transformation foundation by fostering awareness, emotional regulation, and resilience!
Find a meeting near you ASAP! If you can’t find one near you, they have Zoom ones available all the time; I know if I can transform my lifestyle into meditating now this whole last month, a total of 47 hours, then you can too!
(Meditation saved my life! Period!)
Thank you so much for reading this true tale, and make sure you highlight, comment, clap, and be engaged in reading something that could potentially save your life by giving yourself the gift you need!
Next time you find yourself facing a challenging situation:
- consider being mindful of your breathing.
- Take a moment to focus on your breath and try to regulate it.
- This is something that anyone can do with proper concentration.
- It may help you feel a bit more at ease and in control, which is something individuals struggling with addiction often lack.
I sincerely hope you have a wonderful day ahead. And while you’re at it, take a moment to appreciate your breath and thank it for being the reason you’re alive today. Remember to be kind to yourself and take care of your well-being.
“Without our breath, what would we be?”
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I would so appreciate a coffee, I bought 3 coffees for people this week, and Im broke as a joke. I like to pay it forward!
