Summary

Yael Wolfe reflects on her chosen word for 2020, "DARE," and evaluates her ability to embody this concept amidst the challenges of a global pandemic.

Abstract

In a retrospective article, Yael Wolfe assesses her commitment to the word "DARE," which she selected as her guiding principle for 2020. Despite the unexpected onset of a pandemic that limited typical opportunities for boldness, Wolfe finds that she has made progress in various aspects of her life, including having difficult conversations, deepening her love for others, and pushing her boundaries of vulnerability and self-expression. While acknowledging that her initial plans for "DARE" were thwarted by the pandemic, she recognizes that she has still managed to incorporate daring actions into her life, from personal growth to seeking pleasure in simpler ways. Wolfe concludes that while she is not traditionally viewed as a daring person, her experiences in 2020 have helped her to integrate a spirit of daring into her life, which she aims to continue developing beyond the year.

Opinions

Wolfe initially laughs at the irony of choosing "DARE" as her word for a year that would be defined by a pandemic, limiting traditional acts of boldness.
She acknowledges that she had forgotten about her chosen word until later in the year, indicating a lapse in focus due to the extraordinary circumstances.
Wolfe admits to having hard conversations and being more vocal about her feelings and opinions, which she attributes to her commitment to "DARE."
She considers her efforts to love people more deeply, even in the face of a pandemic, as a success in fulfilling her word of the year.
Wolfe reflects on her struggle with real-life vulnerability, suggesting that it should be a tool for connection rather than an end in itself.
She notes that she has pushed herself to be seen and heard more, despite discomfort, through tighter clothing and more personal video appearances.
Wolfe's plans for seeking pleasure were adapted to the circumstances, leading her to find joy in smaller, more attainable experiences.
She expresses a desire to move beyond predictability and incorporate more daring into her identity, seeing it as a path to self-transformation.
Wolfe recognizes that while the pandemic altered her original intentions behind "DARE," she still made meaningful progress in challenging herself and changing her self-perception.

Reflections on My Word for 2020

Did I dare?

I stumbled upon something in my journal the other day: the word DARE, which was the word I chose for 2020. I laughed — for a lot of reasons.

For one thing, what are the chances that I would’ve chosen a word like DARE two months before a pandemic that would keep us stuck inside, isolated, and relatively stuck for the next year-plus?

Secondly, I hadn’t even remembered that I had chosen this word for 2020. For the past five years, I’ve been faithfully choosing words and intentions for each year and while I occasionally lose sight of them, I always revisit them every month to help myself remain focused.

The last time I remember even thinking about the word DARE was…April, I’d guess. And somewhere along the way, I lost sight of it, entirely. Because what on earth could I reasonably and safely dare to do in a pandemic?

If I had chosen the kind of word that I normally choose, like LIGHT (2015), SURRENDER (2016), or PRESENCE (2019), I could’ve stayed true to my word even in the pandemic. But no, I had to choose a word like DARE.

When I ruminated on this, just before making the decision, I had chosen a few specific ways to express DARE throughout 2020. So let’s do an audit.

Dare to say what you’ve never said before

I have had some scary and hard conversations, yes. I have told all the messy truth many times when I could’ve chosen to stay silent and not cause a stir. I have insisted on voicing my feelings and opinions when before, I would’ve just shut up. I have pushed back when people said things that I felt were objectionable.

I’m tempted not to give myself any credit for any of this — in some ways, it all seems so small and insignificant. But maybe I can check this box, with the knowledge that I’ll have to keep going if I really want to call it a done deal.

Dare to love people in ways you’ve never loved them before

I have made a dedicated effort to do this, DARE or not. There have been times when I chose to bridge a gap instead of sitting in silence and conflict. I have worked extra hard to show my brother and his family love while they are struggling in this pandemic. I’ve tried to be a force of comfort for others: friends who live far away and even people I have never met before. And I threw myself headfirst into loving my sister’s kids in the six weeks before they moved away, which led up to one of the saddest days of my life.

So yes, I’m going to call this one a success.

Dare to be more vulnerable than you’ve ever been

I think I’ve certainly accomplished this on the page. But in real life? It’s much harder, face-to-face, especially in the wake of being consistently disappointed by some of the people I’ve been vulnerable with. I think maybe this one needs some finessing, because I’m learning that I don’t owe vulnerability to anyone — it is supposed to be something I can share with the world as a tool of connection. That’s what I need to work on: the why behind the vulnerability, not the depth of it.

Dare to wear clothing that actually fits you

Done. My clothes have gotten much tighter this year and it has been really hard to wear them in public. Even harder to see myself wearing them on my videos. I still don’t feel comfortable dressing like this, but I’m going to keep trying.

Dare to let people see and hear you

I think I’ve made huge strides in this area, though I have a very long way to go.

Dare to find ways to seek out more pleasure

I had grandiose plans for this one that included dating and sex. Instead, I settled for buying myself a few treats, working in bed more often, making an epic homemade apple pie, diving into my love for videography… Small things, I suspect, but not bad.

Dare to say yes

I said yes to camping, even though I really didn’t want to go. And that’s about all I can think of. What else was there to say yes to in a year of a pandemic?

Dare to be real

I think I still have a long way to go with this one. I constantly struggle with trying to avoid conflict, which often makes me set my feelings aside.

Dare to leave your comfort zone

See reference to camping. And I’ve shown myself more on videos. I’ve shared my photography collection with the world. Beyond that, I haven’t had much chance to leave my comfort zone.

Okay, so I did better than I realized. Honestly, I feared I had completely failed the word DARE when I sat down to write this and now I think I did okay, considering the circumstances. I had very specific intentions behind the word DARE, but that was never going to become reality in a pandemic. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t make some progress.

So much behind my reason for choosing this word was because, a year ago, I longed for change. I longed to challenge who I think I am, how I see myself, and how others see me. I longed to take new and yes, even daring leaps toward a better life.

I’ll be the first to admit, I’m not a daring person. Not even close. I’ve done many daring things, but I think “daring” wouldn’t even be on the list of how loved ones would describe me. “Predictable” would more likely make the cut. And I don’t want that, anymore. Or, at the very least, if I’m predictable, I’d like to also be daring.

Though I’m ready to move on with a new word in 2021, it’s important to me that DARE becomes a part of my spiritual foundation. I want to take more calculated risks. To stretch beyond what I think I can reach. And more than anything, to change how I feel about myself. To dare to believe I could be something different than what I think I am.

What is life without a little daring?

More on the future…and the past:

Why I Pick a Word of the Year

And why this is more empowering than setting resolutions I probably won’t keep.

medium.com

I Don’t Want to Be Afraid

I spent so much of my life in fear…I didn’t want to live like that, anymore

medium.com