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Abstract

r other microorganism that can cause disease sneaking up on me at night or during the day, in the house, or out in the plaza. Of course, I do not usually think about these matters as a defense against latent terror, a kind of response that lurks under the surface of awareness.</p><p id="9da5">However, not to worry. I do not and I keep at bay considerations of that sort. I dwell instead on what can I leave behind that might be useful. So far, the wisdom I need to answer that question has not yet congealed.</p><h2 id="07c4">Memory Problems</h2><p id="2140">Memory problems are now manifest, particularly with nouns, which come and go. And just recently viewing a video on dementia, the commentator mentioned a kind of memory loss not yet encountered which I did not anticipate as when you tell a story only to stop because you forget how it ends. That has not happened to me yet. I don’t look forward to it.</p><p id="5d1e">I fear the pain and disruption of life that is coming. Unless, of course, I die quickly, as from a heart attack or stroke which seems unlikely. In my family, people die from a miscellany of causes, so there is no guidance from that quarter.</p><h2 id="2712">Uncertainty</h2><p id="0f82">So, uncertainty is what looms, at this stage, at age 82. My father died at 86, so does that mean I will die then too? Not necessarily.</p><p id="361d">What about reading the obits? I do it occasionally, but it is not a habit. Usually, I look at the age and nothing else. But reading about others’ lives can be interesting, though the lives that draw attention of, say the NY TIMES, are people known for their accomplishments. My father was a big shot in psychology and got a nice obit in the Times. But that will not be my fate.</p><p id="2d6f">No, I will slither into the unknown region

Options

and hopefully get reacquainted with the characters I once knew in my life.</p><h2 id="4976">Reasons for Hope</h2><p id="df61">Just writing down these thoughts is making me, well, more aware of the precarity of old age. But really, so far so good. I have my mobility; I do not have to use a cane and I don’t have an underlying condition that I know about. So far, so good. I guess I should be savoring my present favorable wellness as it were. Others like me are worse off. That, however, gives me small comfort.</p><p id="44fe">Is it a question of coping with advancing age or is it a matter of ‘letting it happen’ and just being fatalistic about it to avoid the worry? I cannot decide. I do the things recommended to be healthy: eat right, no alcohol, watch my weight, get a yearly physical, take my vaccines recommended for COVID and the flu, and get plenty of exercise. These are actions taken as if I am acting with prevention in mind, so I am active and am not just letting things happen passively.</p><p id="b845">I see that I am doing some of the good things to ‘ward off’ or at least delay the inevitable threats, but the threats are closer than twenty years ago.</p><p id="cad4">This exercise of witnessing my thoughts about aging shows that my underlying narrative is filled with some fear and anxiety. Yet I am not intimidated by aging. However, it can be worrisome, especially now that I have entered the kingdom of the aged.</p><p id="54ea">I like a quote from an unknown source: “Old age is a series of giving away and making peace with what you give away.” It is true: old age is an accumulation of indignities, but that is counterbalanced by a relentless series of adjustments around what you can do. And that can still be a source of satisfaction and fulfillment.</p></article></body>

Reflections on Aging by an Emergent Oldster

A miscellany of observations about the slings and arrows of old age

Photo by eberhard 🖐 grossgasteiger on Unsplash

Write something personal about aging. Yes, but what? The following essay hurries through a miscellany of themes from this late stage of life.

Is cancer in my future? I Had never given thought before to cancer that I might contract. I do not know how that comes about, but I do have the case of my brother, four years older, who went into the hospital for kidney stones and came out with bone cancer from which he died.

Fears

I always thought cancer happened to other people. Not so. So, this brings fear of unknown pathogens, viruses, and diseases out there that because of age-related decline in defenses, I run the risk of contracting.

But not to dwell on these matters. Such fears are not uppermost in my mind these days. Instead, I entertain myself with thoughts of love, friendship, and what's for supper.

Which makes me conclude I have become more vulnerable. I have always thought of this concept in relation to shyness, as in vulnerable to others’ judgment; or being vulnerable in the sense of sensitivity to being given orders by some authority figure.

Vulnerability

But now to be vulnerable refers to invisible pathogens meaning a virus, bacterium, or other microorganism that can cause disease sneaking up on me at night or during the day, in the house, or out in the plaza. Of course, I do not usually think about these matters as a defense against latent terror, a kind of response that lurks under the surface of awareness.

However, not to worry. I do not and I keep at bay considerations of that sort. I dwell instead on what can I leave behind that might be useful. So far, the wisdom I need to answer that question has not yet congealed.

Memory Problems

Memory problems are now manifest, particularly with nouns, which come and go. And just recently viewing a video on dementia, the commentator mentioned a kind of memory loss not yet encountered which I did not anticipate as when you tell a story only to stop because you forget how it ends. That has not happened to me yet. I don’t look forward to it.

I fear the pain and disruption of life that is coming. Unless, of course, I die quickly, as from a heart attack or stroke which seems unlikely. In my family, people die from a miscellany of causes, so there is no guidance from that quarter.

Uncertainty

So, uncertainty is what looms, at this stage, at age 82. My father died at 86, so does that mean I will die then too? Not necessarily.

What about reading the obits? I do it occasionally, but it is not a habit. Usually, I look at the age and nothing else. But reading about others’ lives can be interesting, though the lives that draw attention of, say the NY TIMES, are people known for their accomplishments. My father was a big shot in psychology and got a nice obit in the Times. But that will not be my fate.

No, I will slither into the unknown region and hopefully get reacquainted with the characters I once knew in my life.

Reasons for Hope

Just writing down these thoughts is making me, well, more aware of the precarity of old age. But really, so far so good. I have my mobility; I do not have to use a cane and I don’t have an underlying condition that I know about. So far, so good. I guess I should be savoring my present favorable wellness as it were. Others like me are worse off. That, however, gives me small comfort.

Is it a question of coping with advancing age or is it a matter of ‘letting it happen’ and just being fatalistic about it to avoid the worry? I cannot decide. I do the things recommended to be healthy: eat right, no alcohol, watch my weight, get a yearly physical, take my vaccines recommended for COVID and the flu, and get plenty of exercise. These are actions taken as if I am acting with prevention in mind, so I am active and am not just letting things happen passively.

I see that I am doing some of the good things to ‘ward off’ or at least delay the inevitable threats, but the threats are closer than twenty years ago.

This exercise of witnessing my thoughts about aging shows that my underlying narrative is filled with some fear and anxiety. Yet I am not intimidated by aging. However, it can be worrisome, especially now that I have entered the kingdom of the aged.

I like a quote from an unknown source: “Old age is a series of giving away and making peace with what you give away.” It is true: old age is an accumulation of indignities, but that is counterbalanced by a relentless series of adjustments around what you can do. And that can still be a source of satisfaction and fulfillment.