Reducing Financial Stress

Dads’ Survival Guide: Providing — Our Financials

Our house needs a paint job.

I could paint it myself. Except I don’t have the time. Or expertise. Besides, I’m allergic to ladders. Taller ones, especially. Because I’m petrified of heights.

So, we’re hiring a painter. Which is almost as scary.

Painting the house is a big expense. With big implications. The wrong guy could screw up. Making the house look terrible. Upsetting my wife. And forcing us to re-paint. An even bigger expense.

Funny, my lawn needs reseeding. Looks worse than the house. But I’m not apprehensive about that decision. Despite the implications. Granted, no ladders are involved. And my wife doesn’t care so much. Yet, the wrong choice could look just as terrible.

Big expenses. Keeping Dads up at night. Fretting over choices. And the implications. Creating more tension in the household. Is all this agonizing about the outcome? Or the impact on our wallet?

Feeling Lost

Semi-transparent. Oil-based. Acrylic. Latex. Who knew there were so many choices? And every painter has different preferences. Brush vs. spray-on. Spot vs. full priming. Pressure-treated trim boards vs. PVC. My head is spinning.

And the estimates are all over the map. Some are inclusive. Others leave out materials. Or carpentry costs. Comparing the pricing requires sophisticated calculus. Leaving me baffled. Uncertain. Insecure.

Maybe that’s by design. A common strategy among tradesmen. Provide enough logical-sounding options to bewilder the homeowner. Rendering us utterly confused.

It’s working. I’m totally lost.

Financial Wizardry

Dads never like feeling lost. Especially when it comes to money.

We consider ourselves financial wizards. Masters of our portfolio. Capable of pulling all the right levers. At the exact right time. To optimize personal wealth.

Yet, unless this arena is our profession, Dads are financial amateurs. We may read the Journal. Watch Cramer on “The Street.” Or even follow Reddit streams. Making us feel more confident. While only slightly more competent.

Nonetheless, Dads consider ourselves savvy. And we don’t like to be questioned. When it comes to finances. By our wives. Family. Or friends. Raises our dander. And blood pressure.

This is why Dads never discuss finances. In detail. With one another. After all, our portfolio is a private matter. Nobody else’s business. Especially other Dads. Who might question our financial know-how? Or investment decision-making. And no Dad wants that.

Sure, we might share some successes. GameStop on the way up. Forays in Bitcoin. Or NFTs. (Non-Fungible Tokens for the unschooled — like myself). These revelations are more to demonstrate financial fluency than expose our stewardship.

Thus, Dads handle family finances on our own. Alone. With only limited input. Regardless of our expertise. Or track record.

Including decisions about big expenses. Like painting the house.

Sensitive Stewards

Finances are a major source of marital strife. Research supports what many Dads experience. Debates over household expenses. Spending patterns. Asset management. Every family faces difficult choices. Creating conflict. Disagreements. Tension.

Dads make this friction worse.

Traditionally, finances have been a husband’s dominion. The classic Paternal role as breadwinner. Regardless of whether Mom works, providing for the family is an essential element of Dadhood. Our responsibility. And identity. Why Dads work so hard. To earn enough. For a comfortable lifestyle.

Dads want to be prudent stewards. Make wise choices. Our heart is in the right place. Even when our money is in the wrong place.

Yet, if our wives call us out, Dads get peeved. Offended. Hurt. This emotional state leads to trouble. Arguments. Harsh words. Escalations. Statements that once uttered, cannot be taken back.

Sure, the financial consequences may be high. More likely, the tiff results from a bruised ego. Our ego. Causing us Dads to act poorly. Squawk about. Brood over the ‘insults.’ Pretty childish stuff.

The Power of Humility

What’s the antidote? The means of squelching the next monetary squabble before it starts?

Humility is a good start. (Not for her — for us.)

Dads are human. We’re susceptible to market euphoria. Whims. Gut instincts. Leading to some irrational choices. Impulse buys. Lavish gifts. Or GameStop. Bitcoin. And NFTs — whatever they are. Occasionally, our gut is off. Putting us on the bad side of an investment. Or expensive decision. Like painting the house.

Fact is, no Dad is a financial savant. Period. We can’t predict the future. While some may be better than others, none of us is the next Buffet. Or Reddit hero. Who, by the way, gets it wrong. Plenty of times.

At best, we’re each moderately above average. Occasionally, we hit the jackpot. While making some whiffs along the way. Acknowledging this reality can temper our ego. Ensuring we’re not so sensitive to questioning. Or criticism. About our financial performance.

And when Dads are less anxious about being judged, we’re more willing to seek input.

Truth is, all Dads are wrestling with similar financial issues. Every one of us. Managing household expenses. The mortgage. Taxes. Putting enough aside for vacations. Tuition. Retirement. Unexpected health costs. And big projects. Like painting the house.

Other Dads have been down the road before. Faced similar choices. Tough calls. Why not ask? Discuss the options. Gain their perspective. Insight. Experience. So, we can make the smartest decisions.

Finances have high stakes. Feel weighty. Onerous. Putting us on edge. Yet, when Dads help one another, the burden is lighter. More manageable. With better outcomes. Which is easier on our wallet. And blood pressure.

Dads helping other Dads. Now, that’s a wise choice.

Go, Dads. Go.