Redemptive Narratives We Use to Escape Disgraced Identities

How awareness of your story can empower better choices

After my school days, I was blind to my internal story, except for the highlights. I realized the need to change my account when I failed my first job as a college teacher.

This essay presents parts of my story and shows how your story allows you to gain more control and direction over your life.

Features of Redemptive Stories

I first became exposed to redemptive narratives in Mandy Aftel’s book The Story of Your Life. I was a sales coach at the time. My attraction to inner scripts came about because I wanted to help salespeople overcome their resistance to self-promotion.

Aftel claims self-esteem grows via experiencing passionate, requited love, developing mastery, and accepting responsibility.

When your actions arise out of low self-esteem, you are more fearful and less able to control yourself. Inner scripts help with developing control over mergings and leave-takings.

Aftel claims your level of self-esteem determines your love plot.

Your need and ability to be in control motivate your mastery plot Your ability to handle separation governs how you deal with loss in your life’s plot.

My story is a story of self-change with many successes and failures.

The Power of Redemptive Stories

We narrate our stories inside our heads all the time; you can reframe the events of your life, opening new plot possibilities you never dreamed possible

This can happen because how we describe and understand our lives is inextricably connected to how we live them.

I find this true now that I have invented my new script. It is in opposition to the old, imperfect enactment of my identity as an academic.

Now I accept and enact the identity as a personal development striver. I am living this identity and expanding on it.

A second expert in this field, Dan McAdams, claims that many of our stories have a redemptive theme. In the redemptive story, the main character escapes from their suffering and finds happiness in a new, enhanced status.

For example, somebody might suffer from a failed love relationship. It goes badly, but then they find a way to escape. Later they find true love with another person.

And in my example: I went from being a misfit college teacher to a writer and promoter of more mastery and self-worth.

Redemptive Stories Resources for Change

McAdams also proposes that life stories can be resources for change.

“We use them to help us make decisions and move forward. It’s great when those stories affirm positive messages: when they affirm hope for the future when they tell us that we are good people, when they celebrate our achievements and our triumphs, and when they help us overcome suffering — that’s all good.”

But if it is the case you are going through rough times now, then it makes no sense to tell yourself a story that shows strong optimism. It’s not accurate to who you are.

Stories must stay true to your actual situation. Fictional stories miss the mark.

Stories and Myth

Stories can become your myth. Such a myth might contain early narratives or stories that played a significant role in your upbringing. (One early story about me concerned my cheating at a child’s game of hide and seek; I was surrounded by older kids and wanted to win the prize desperately, so I lied about finding it.)

In a later memory of that event, the moral was that it showed I possessed a strong ambition to be a problem solver.

Later, decisions are more manageable if you incorporate a myth about yourself in your daily life.

Now I know to experiment with choices to discern whether they add to my sense of worthiness and self-worth.

If you are a person who struggles with a deflated sense of value, the way forward should have signposts pointing to destinations that offer rewards for how you feel about yourself.

Is it to be more of a risk-taker? Is it to be more assertive or self-motivated? Is it to build more high-quality relationships?

If you know your strengths and what kind of rewards are most fulfilling, the path of redemption should be wide open.

“We can be redeemed only to the extent to which we see ourselves.” ― Martin Buber

In Conclusion

This essay presents parts of my story and shows how your story allows you to gain more control and direction over your life. My story is a story of self-change with many successes and failures. In the redemptive story, the main character escapes from their suffering and finds happiness in a new, enhanced status. The way ahead should be clear if you know yourself well enough and what rewards are most fulfilling.

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