Satire

Redefining Thoughts On Craziness

Nobody Right In The Head Would Do This Daily

Yeap, that sums up a perfect description of me (for the moment I’ll not include the rest of you) lately.

I consider myself a reasonably level-headed dude most days. I try not to let my thoughts and emotions soar too high or sink too low. Most days I’m able to manage chaotic moments without blowing a gasket and meet both my personal writing goals and manage the pressures of still working full-time.

The problem starts when I have a “rug pulled out from under me” moment I didn’t see coming. And that’s when all the craziness starts.

First issue. How could I not see it coming? I’m the one thinking it this morning. The second issue, which strangely seemed to crop up immediately after the first issue. Which begs the question — how in the world did second instinctively know to come after first?

Oh yeah, it’s that theory of relativity thingy right?

So, besides thinking I needed to make it to the bathroom this morning or I would have to explain to the missus why the sheets on my side of the bed were soggy, that second thought kept circling my mental airport waiting to land.

I must be crazy in the head to do this daily.

I mean I’ve always told myself (and others) the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. You know, like banging your head against a brick wall, again and again, expecting the wall to crumble before your brain matter leaks out and ruins your favorite Partridge Family sweatshirt?

What? They were a thing at one time.

Anyway, that thought circling my mental airport this morning? Well, it finally landed and the lone lunatic fringe passenger — me — stumbled out across the departure gate the thoughts spinning in my head.

I must be insane to work this hard for a couple of bucks a day. This is crazy. No, I’m crazy. Where the h*ll did my common sense go? This sh*t’s never going to work. I don’t want to read anymore. I don’t want to write anymore.

I.Just.Don’t.Want.To.

Perfectly normal don’t you think? Well, truth be told y’all, this is what often goes on in my head. See, that’s why I’m redefining my thoughts on craziness. Maybe I am a little touched in the head and maybe that’s okay.

After all, as far as I’m concerned, this is just another day in my brain, another moment of weakness, another test of my resolve. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time I’ve experienced this kind of morning.

Just like all the other times, I tell myself I have choices.

I can either believe what I’m telling myself and throw my hands up in surrender. You know, attach a pair of tighty whities (freshly washed and dried of course) on a stick and start waving it.

Or I can ignore it hoping this thought chooses to drift away (It usually comes back even stronger) or I can pummel the absolute sh*t of it. Maybe I can dominate that sucker (I think it actually likes the whips and chains) so much it sulks for the longest of times in a darkened recess of my psyche.

I was having a comment conversation with a writing bud of mine and strangely enough, it seems we both woke up this morning (In separate beds of course. The dude and I haven’t been on a first date yet) in almost the same kind of mood.

He was looking back wondering how he’d lost all of his hard-fought-for and gained traction, while I was thinking what a nut job I was for working this hard and never gaining traction.

Hey, it’s the same thought, only different.

We were both experiencing doubts in our abilities and questioning our journey. So I’m not going to call us both loons (he can do that on his own) but I for one truly believe I just ain’t all there most days.

You know what I mean right? I’m like a few cards short of a full deck? The lights are on but nobody’s home? Bats in my…uh, bats in…well, something batty for sure.

I’ve learned something though. In order for me to continue doing what I love to do, I have at some point, had to redefine thoughts on craziness. What might be absolutely bat (sticking with the batty theme) sh*t crazy to most of you, quite probably is rational thinking for me.

The point is, most days when I allow myself to jump on board Ozzy Osbourne’s train, it’s always the same. I start thinking about how crazy I must be to soldier on like this.

Each time, it’s another Catch 22 kind of day where I slip and slide from crazy to can’t be crazy because I have to be sane to think I’m crazy, now get on the d*mned plane.

What’s that? Well, folks, speaking of planes I have to go. I was just informed my plane is boarding. I certainly don’t want to miss this flight.

I hear the flight attendants are crazy good.

Thanks So Much For Reading

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