Recovering From Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a pain in the Gluteus Maximus.
The reason is that perfectionists
- obsess unnecessarily about the details of a decision
- sweat the uncertainties of the situation
- sometimes miss deadlines
- turn themselves into emotional pretzels
- kill themselves with worry.
Here are some perfectionism-changing behaviors to help you reduce stress and execute tasks more efficiently.
1. Aim for Excellence, not Perfection
Recently, I asked a leader why her perfectionism was a problem for her?’ The answer she flashed back was, “You can never achieve it.”
“So why do you set the bar of performance so unbelievably high for yourself?” I asked.
What she said next was telling about the burden she put on herself (and others).
“As a woman leader, I have to work twice as hard as a man to be recognized by senior leadership. I also try to avoid being criticized for anything short of perfection”.
That was a lot of self-awareness packed into a few words. She had nailed the WHY of her condition. However, she was stuck on how to move on from her self-paralysis.
Here are some ways she adopted to exit her hamster wheel.
No matter what you do, criticism will come your way.
Not to be faulted; it is a dangerous place to be in. So, welcome criticism as a course correction or an affirmation that you are on the right track.
Aim for excellence instead.
Because it factors in the learning curve introduced by our mistakes, a professor advised a friend struggling to complete her doctoral dissertation.
“Get it done but not perfectly right. Remember this is an exercise to get you to graduate, not a monument you are building”.
Focus on what you have done well.
Then, look forward to the improvement that you can make. A friend of mine on the Board of Directors of a non-profit organization routinely asks her fellow Directors, “How can we do better next time?”
Continuous improvement beats aiming for Perfection.
Excellence gives one a set of high standards, not the impossible bar of perfectionism. It also builds on a set of best practices that ensures a job well done.
2. Focus on Reflection, not Rumination
A perfectionist shows their true colors at those “two in the morning” moments. Here, “stinking thinking” disrupts sleep.
Thoughts rattle around one’s head like a BB in an empty rail car.
You seem powerless to make them stop and then add insult to injury by telling yourself, “I am going to be a mess tomorrow at work because I’m not sleeping.”
Such a thought disability is called Rumination.
For disclosure purposes, I suffer from this condition myself occasionally.
Solutions
Plunge your head in a bowl of icy water. This shocking intervention dramatically interrupts your restless thought patterns. It works. It’s like a self-inflicted slap-in-the-face wake-up moment.
Declare yourself temporarily insane, which at that moment you are. Then tell yourself that your disabling perspective will emerge right side up in the morning at sunrise, and you’ve had two cups of coffee.
Don’t be amygdala-driven. That seat of the emotions in our brain can be an unruly critter.
So, wait for morning to come and use other more rational parts of your noggin.
The ultimate cure for automatic and unconscious Rumination is intentional reflection.
Reflection is stepping back from our disabling (and practical) behaviors.
It is the heart of leadership and personal success.
Here, we create rest stops on the rushed journey of life to reconstitute and take a breather.
In those moments of reflection, we shift from not ready, fire, aim to “this is what I need to do.”