Reconnect to Rescue Your Marriage Chapter 14

Summary

The text advises against ignoring a husband's affairs and passively hoping for change in a troubled marriage, suggesting that such behavior enables a narcissistic pattern and that the wife should instead focus on self-care and possibly consider divorce.

Abstract

The article "Reconnect to Rescue Your Marriage Chapter 14" discusses the futility of ignoring a husband's infidelity and the ineffectiveness of trying to win him back through changes in behavior. It emphasizes that hoping for a change in a partner who has a history of infidelity is unrealistic. The author, Laurie Weiss, illustrates how a husband's pattern of moving from one woman to another is not likely to change, despite promises made during moments of reconciliation. Weiss argues that such behavior is indicative of narcissism and that the wife's attempts to maintain the marriage are self-destructive. Instead, Weiss recommends facing reality, considering divorce, and engaging in self-improvement programs to take better care of oneself. The article concludes with an invitation to explore Weiss's other relationship resources and a brief biography of her professional and personal life.

Opinions

Ignoring a husband's affairs is ineffective and does not address the underlying issues in the marriage.
Switching from being a nagging wife to a loving one in an attempt to win back a husband is unlikely to result in lasting change.
Holding onto a fantasy of a happy marriage can blind one to the reality of a partner's infidelity and narcissistic behavior.
A husband who repeatedly leaves for other women is likely to continue this pattern, regardless of the wife's actions.
Promises from a narcissistic partner to return are often contingent on the wife being more interesting than other women, which is an unhealthy and unrealistic expectation.
Suppressing anger and disappointment in the marriage is counterproductive and does not contribute to a genuine resolution.
Engaging in a program of self-care and considering divorce may be more beneficial than trying to maintain a toxic relationship.
The husband's behavior is characterized as narcissistic, showing a consistent disregard for others' feelings.

Should I Ignore My Husband’s Affairs?

Cover Design by Nick Zelinger

The short answer is NO!

When your husband has spent the last 3 years living with two other women, ignoring his affairs is useless. So is trying to win him back by switching from being a nagging wife to a loving wife and letting him sleep with you again.

Sometimes you can be so blinded by your vision of what you wish could happen that you can’t see what really is happening. Instead of basing future expectations on past experiences, you keep on hoping something will change and you can finally get what you want.

Even if you get him to come back for a while, I’m sure he won’t change his pattern. He stays with one woman until he finds another who is more interesting. At first, it was you, then #1 and then #2. Now you’re the interesting one. It takes a year or two for him to get bored and look for someone different.

When he strings you along with promises that he will return to you, his hidden message is he will only come back if you promise to be more interesting than the other woman.

From the other woman’s perspective, you are the intruder. You are playing right into it by letting your fantasy of a happy marriage blind you to what is really happening. If he does come back, he’ll stay with you for a year or two until he meets another (or the same) more interesting woman. Then he will leave again.

It won’t help to ignore and hide your anger and disappointment in both your husband and your marriage and act as if nothing is wrong.

Can you get your husband back this way? Probably! Should you? Absolutely not! He is a narcissist and will continue to ignore everyone’s feelings but his own.

It’s time to face reality, get a divorce and get into a program that will help you learn to take better care of yourself.

If you like this, check out the 7 books about relationships in my Secrets of Happy Relationships Series.

Secrets of Happy Relationships Series

Dr. Laurie Weiss has been changing the lives of women and men for over 50 years. She is an internationally known psychotherapist and author of 13 books. Otherwise she is a wife (60 years), mother of 2, grandmother of 5, and enjoys reading, aquacize, cooking, travel, and doing almost anything while sitting outside on her back patio.