Reconnect to Rescue Your Marriage Chapter 1 & Chapter 2

Summary

A marriage counselor provides insights and advice on how to reconnect with a spouse who has become distant, emphasizing the importance of understanding the underlying reasons for changed behavior and the value of professional guidance.

Abstract

The provided content is from a website article discussing ways to rescue a marriage where the spouse, particularly the husband, has become distant and prefers to be alone. The author, Dr. Laurie Weiss, a seasoned marriage counselor, shares her experience and advice based on hypothetical scenarios and questions she has encountered on various websites. She suggests that the first step in addressing the issue is to identify the reason behind the spouse's change in behavior, which may not necessarily be related to the partner seeking advice. Dr. Weiss highlights common issues such as depression, feeling smothered, or external pressures that could cause a spouse to withdraw. She also raises the possibility of infidelity or excessive use of pornography. The article emphasizes the importance of open communication without blame and offers practical tips for engaging with a withdrawn spouse. Dr. Weiss encourages readers to look for clues and to approach the situation with understanding and patience. She also promotes her series of books on happy relationships and provides her contact information for further assistance.

Opinions

Dr. Weiss believes that a spouse's sudden desire for solitude is often a symptom of an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
She suggests that men, in particular, may struggle to express their feelings and may withdraw as a result of depression or other challenges.
The author posits that a pattern of behavior can develop where one spouse feels smothered and seeks space, leading the other to feel abandoned and become clingy, exacerbating the issue.
Dr. Weiss is open to the idea that a spouse's withdrawal could be due to an affair or boredom in the relationship.
She advocates for the importance of non-accusatory communication as a means to understand and potentially resolve the reasons for a spouse's changed behavior.
The article conveys the opinion that professional advice, such as that found in Dr. Weiss's books and counseling services, can be beneficial in reconnecting with a spouse and improving a troubled marriage.

Can You Trust Advice?

Have you ever turned to friends — or strangers to try to figure out what to do before leaving a troubled marriage?

As a Marriage Counselor with over four decades of experience, I was once challenged to add my own valuable advice to questions about marriages from apparently real people that I found on assorted websites and discussion boards.

I have not met any of these people, but I have had fun writing those articles as if I could actually talk to them. I did not join the conversations on any of these sites.

If you’re wondering what you can do to reconnect with your spouse, the advice I give them will help you decide what to do next.

My Husband Always Wants to Be Left Alone

When you love your husband, who used to want to be with you and he suddenly wants to be left alone, there are several things you can do to try to reconnect. There’s always a reason when someone drastically changes his or her behavior. Finding the reason is your first challenge. Then you can figure out if there’s anything you can do to help.

The reason may have nothing to do with you. He may be facing some sort of difficult challenge and feel depressed because he feels powerless to manage it. Many men have a hard time talking about their feelings and sometimes the mounting pressure leads to depression. Is he withdrawing from everybody or just from you?

He could be withdrawing from you because you have done or said something that he doesn’t like and he doesn’t know how to talk to you about it. Sometimes it’s something physical like gaining weight or not taking good care of yourself.

Maybe he feels that you’re pressuring him to do things he doesn’t want to do. He could feel that you are not leaving him enough personal time and space.

Often a pattern develops when one spouse feels smothered and tries to get space from the other, causing the other to feel abandoned and then act clingy. Of course, then spouse number one feels even more smothered and tries even harder to get away! Yikes!

It’s also possible that something worse is going on. He could be having an affair with someone else and getting his physical closeness there. He could be bored and angry, or just feel trapped. He could even be spending his time watching pornography on the Internet.

Talking about this is critical. If you haven’t asked him why his behavior has changed, you can start by talking about how you have noticed him acting differently. Don’t blame or accuse him of anything. Ask if he has noticed this too.

Since he’s withdrawing, he may not answer your question. He may be worried because he has no idea how to answer you. If that happens you can help by looking for anything that’s a possible clue to his behavior. It’s easy to not pay attention to things we don’t really want to know about, so this may not be easy. Do it anyway.

If you like this, check out the 7 books about relationships in my Secrets of Happy Relationships Series.

Dr. Laurie Weiss has been changing the lives of women and men for over 50 years. She is an internationally known psychotherapist and author of 13 books. Otherwise she is a wife (60 years), mother of 2, grandmother of 5, and enjoys reading, aquacize, cooking, travel, and doing almost anything while sitting outside on her back patio.