Recognizing Common Lies Can Ease Millennial Anxiety

Avoid the comparison trap

I recently chatted with a friend that started doing well with finances. She jumped from average monthly salary to over twice as much. That’s a lot of money, as she is only in her 20s.

I wrote: “Wow, congrats, you can save for something nice or have some fun,” but she wasn’t that happy. She said, “Nah, are you crazy? I have to work more, invest in courses, and equipment to scale that.”

She works for 8 to 12 hours daily, 5–6 days a week, so it shocked me when I read she wanted to work even harder. I started asking — “how, why?” She jumped at me with, “such salary is nothing. I will never build a house for it without a big mortgage.” That scared me.

Millennials tend to be very anxious about the future.

Anxiety is your body’s natural response to stress. It’s a feeling of fear or apprehension about what’s to come.

They think about settling in life and act as if that is the ultimate goal of their existence. The rat race is primal about buying a house and getting married. Yet, when I talk with my peers, they don’t know why they want it but feel the need to do that before 30. How crazy does that sound?

Legal & General presents a survey that shows:

Our survey shows that 46% of people feel you should buy a house in your 20s

In total, 65% of millennials compare themselves to work colleagues — which contrasts to just 36% of 45–54s.

People are most likely to put aside time with their friends to focus on their personal goals.

Millennials are the first generation exposed to social media. They live life in their bubbles and believe in various society lies. Some of them, like my friend, do well in life but are anxious due to unrealistic expectations.

Unreal Standards

Many people think they are behind their peers while they are not.

Usual conversation with an old friend looks like: “Hey, long time no see, how are you doing?” The answer is: “It’s awesome, wonderful. I’m doing great. I have big opportunities to develop. I love my life.” The reality is usually completely different, but who cares about that.

Or, you look at your phone and see beautiful photos or relations of your friends. Their lifestyle is flashy. They are living like rock stars. And when you meet them in person, everyone complains about anxiety and depression. It’s like a different reality.

Jon Bellion in “The Internet” chorus refers to the whole phenomenon:

Life became dangerous the day we all became famous No one cares if you’re happy, just as long as you claim it, oh How can we change this? The day we all became famous No one cares if you have it, just as long they think you do, ooh

We all create an image false image of ourselves on social media. Even if we don’t do it on purpose, we still show only the bright side of our lives.

The concept of social media is to share positive moments ignoring life’s drama. That creates an unreal image where everybody is doing well in life.

Apart from that, social media also created unreal standards of beauty or muscularity. Even if you do a regular workout at the gym, you cannot reach that level. It’s not a lack of discipline or bad genes. The image is false, doesn’t exist, and that’s why you can’t catch it.

Buying a House in Your 20s Is Not Common

I’m 26. At that age, my parents were already out of college, had a pharmacy store, a wonderful house, cars, wedding, and my sister was “on the way.”

How about me? I have a laptop, headphones and a rented flat.

Not understanding that the times are changing is one of the biggest anxiety triggers. You can’t compare to the previous generation.

For example, my parents entered their adult lives when communism came to an end in Poland. In that period, there was a huge capitalism boom and property privatization. That was a golden period to settle.

How does it look in our times? Are you living in your parents’ house at 28? Do you think that you are behind? CNBC informs:

As of July, 52% of millennials were living in their parents’ home, up from 47% in February, according to the Pew analysis of Census Bureau data, surpassing the previous high hit in 1940, when 48% of young adults lived with their parents.

The statistics skyrocket because of the pandemic. Yet, even before, the percentage was at 44%. Almost half of the millennials live with their parents. You are not behind.

What is the actual average time of buying the first property? It depends on the country and varies from 27 (Belgium and Iceland) to 48 (Switzerland). Up to this age, people live either in family house or rent a small flat.

You Are Not Competing With Your Peers

Being “self-made” is one of the biggest lies you may hear. Some people “made it” all by themselves, but they are single errors in the system.

The smallest social unit is the family, but we tend to ignore that. We see “a successful individual” and don’t see the structure which supports that.

People have a hard time admitting their privilege to be “successful.” Many people ignore the whole support or freedom they had in life and talk about their morning routines, systems, or strong will. That leads to a disaster.

How does the problem manifest? My mentioned friend doesn’t have any support from her family. She has no family house, no financial security from her parents, nothing like that. She is insecure looking at friends that make weddings for 100 people, buy houses cars, and have fun in life.

She is hurting herself with “hard work” and sacrificing health to reach that level. She thinks she’s left behind, but she is not. She is more organized, productive, and mature than her peers. Yet, many young people live their “successful” lives out of their family privilege.

She doesn’t compete with her peers but with their families.

Understand Your Circumstances

Being a “successful person” in society usually doesn’t mean being “a blessed individual” who travels the world. It’s a life full of responsibility, sacrifices, deadlines, anxiety, depression, hard work, and all that. Yet, influencers that have a huge impact on millennials show a different image.

You are doing great if you have work, some plans, and a commitment to life. Understand that some people have the privilege to have a more fancy life in their 20s and early 30s. Later, life evens out to some degree.

Understand your circumstances and other’s privilege to free yourself from the race. Otherwise, you will compete in the race that will take your life and leave you with nothing as a reward.

Let’s be real. If you need to rent an apartment for 70% of your salary, you can’t compete in the race to the first property with your friend who lives in mommy’s house. He has time for everything, traveling the world, and still saving up to 50% salary for his first property.

How are you going to compete with that? How do you want to achieve such freedom in life? By hard work? Understand that he lives his privilege, and you are 20 years old rookie that learns life. You are not competing with your friend but with his parents.

The Takeaways

Society tells lots of lies, but since we invented the Internet and social media, it’s a disaster. Especially during the pandemic when the Internet became primary contact with society’s life.

We all know social media is fake, but we often don’t realize to what extent.

Some people enhance their photos with filters, shades, or proper lights. Others go for a two-day cheap trip to an exotic place and take 100 photos to pretend they live there. Or, my favorite ones, people who use fake weights and steroids to look cool in fitness photos.

People use an unreal image to influence others and sell them something. That’s such a negative behavior to take steroids, use fake weights, and tell others, “you can achieve it by hard work, discipline, and proper diet.”

The same is with people who are ignoring their privilege. They spread nonsense that their success is thanks to the morning routine at 5 AM or dedication. That boosts their ego and hurts others, but it’s hard to admit.

People who don’t lie or don’t have a privilege try themselves and often fail. They don’t fail because they are weak, but because they tried for real.

Don’t build a cage in life to catch unreal standards. Do what you can, where you are, and understand your life circumstances. And, If you want to compete with someone, compete with yesterday’s version of yourself.

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