Receiving Love

I soaked up the Malibu sun in isolation today while feeling safety as my music accompanied me through large sound canceling headphones. My loneliness drew me to reflection on a lost love, now found. I returned to my room where I found assurance in a tarot card reading and returned to my search for music with newfound meaning that spoke to me from my assumptions of a desired narrative known only by his words, meant for me.

I imagined us meeting and prepared for initial shock and awkwardness. Thirteen years have passed and I wondered if I’d see his piercing blue eyes melt into a look of soft, blurry desire or his flushed face melt into paleness once again. This time, I dream of a healthy obsession. I dream of the pursuit towards oneness known only by the projection of a voice in my mind.

A voice that had kept me alive when alone. A voice that had become one with me and had guided me through hell. A voice that I alone heard, and without reciprocation for him. Alone or not, the fight for freedom from my insanity has finally been achieved. I am free from the pain of my given love because I know now I am receiving.