Hair Loss Humor
Receding Recovery! Style Out Your Baldness Today!
From Baldilocks to Goldilocks!
Were you once a dashing male specimen?
Did you have a luscious head of hair that passers-by loved to gaze at?
Where did it all go wrong?!
One day you wake up and there’s a bald patch. You think it’ll be okay because having hair everywhere is just plain greedy…but no! Suddenly it’s all gone and the next thing you know you look like a boiled egg left out in the sun too long.
“But Adam, why should I listen to you?”
Maybe because I’ve got a lovely thick head of hair that Elvis Presley would say “Ah thank ya very much!” to!
“…and what’s wrong with being bald?”
Baldness is a bigger enemy to this world than Al-Qaeda or Coldplay. It must be stopped!
How do we cope with it?!
My top five tips for preventing/styling/embracing baldness should help!
Wonderful Wigs
Who needs natural hair when you can pop a funky wig on?
No one will ever know that your head looks like the surface of the moon. Get yourself a dazzling wig to impress your peers with!
Unsure which furry style to go with? Why not match a wig to your personality?
- Perm —Loud and talks over everyone at social gatherings.
- Mohawk —Loves Swedish heavy metal music.
- Comb over — Good at maths, bad with people.
- Spiky —Does knee slides at discos to impress the ladies.
- Quiff — Enjoys getting ready for ten hours and missing the actual party.
We’ll have more wigs available soon once the kids in our sweatshops start working a bit harder — our enforcer is getting married this weekend.
Which reminds me…congratulations Razor Rob!
Happy Head
Why not make your bald head a bit of a happier place by drawing a smiley face on top of it?
This will let people know you’re a nice bald man who means people no harm.
Pedestrians will laugh and cheer as you present your pleasant head to the world. People will take pictures, stroke it, and maybe even ask you to perform at their wedding. The possibilities are endless!
Did I also mention that this method will make you famous?
Do you remember the volleyball, “Wilson” from the movie Cast Away? Well, my dear friend, that is what your bald head will look like now.
You
Are
Welcome.
Solar Sunhat
Think being bald is taking the light away from your life? Think again!
If having a naked head is getting you down you can always do your bit for the environment and attach a solar panel to your nude cranium.
Brighten up this cruel world with light that would normally bounce off your big bald head. You will now help the ecosystem or whatever it is that solar panels do.
Tree huggers and soil lovers will be at your mercy as you pleasure mother nature with your humongous rays of sunshine.
Do the earth a favour, power heating for your neighbour.
Hair You Go!
I hope those tips and tricks helped!
Having a head of nothing no longer has to be a bad thing! Now get to work my boring-headed friends!
No hair follicles were harmed in the making of this article — because there weren’t any.
Happy head hunting! ❤
Do you feel like an angry bald weirdo?
Do you also wanna learn how to read?
Then have a look below!!