Real Life Hurts
When they ask me why I do it, I just say, “Yeah, it’s hard. But, I just do it.”
I never thought I’d meet Ash in real life.
I couldn’t shake thinking of one of his hands like a chainsaw and the other thumbing through the Necronomicon while trying to remember the correct words to chant.
But, this guy wore a kippah. Well, look at that! Devoutness is still a thing in 2021, or didn’t you realize?
A kippah is a loophole when your job won’t let you wear a hat and your customs require your head to be covered.
Most of the night he was complaining of being sore from the two basketball games he’d played before coming in for his twelve-hour overnight shift at work. That was two more games than I had played in ten years.
Okay, so it’s not Ash from the Evil Dead. But, he resembled him and his demeanor reminded me of Bruce Campbell’s slapstick can-do attitude. Besides, if he could wear a kippah without shame, perhaps he wouldn’t judge me for wearing tabis. Then maybe, I could talk about my upcoming trip to a Druid house without being judged, or maybe my divorce even?
“Congratulations,” he said, “on starting your divorce.”
It was the first time I had received that reaction. To be honest, I was a little shocked at first.
“You know. It’s the end of a bad thing. I just went through a divorce,” he said.
I noticed his phone was a late model and his watch was an old digital Casio. I duly considered my future.
But then I remembered my last Jewish friend and reminded myself not to jump to conclusions, however stereotypical that may sound.
“We didn’t have any kids though,” he said, “Do you get to see them?”
As I finished recounting the camping trip I just took my kids on that ended in disaster and then the story about my car breaking down two hours from home while returning them to my wife, I again eyed his old gold Casio.
“That’s good,” Ash said, “I mean, that sucks but, at least the kids will know everything is not easy. I regret playing two games of the ball before work. I had to take an ice bath.”
“An ice bath? Jesus, I do cold showers but I haven’t graduated to that yet.”
“Oh, it hurts. You’ll turn red,” He considered a moment. “So you take cold showers, too? Not many people take only cold showers.”
“Yeah, apparently it repairs the RNA on the tips of DNA or something. Supposedly stress is good for that?”
Before I met Ash, movies had kept me sane. I never thought I’d be one to say that.
If you want to get over a break-up then go hang out with friends. Great advice for people with friends.
But after my wife left with my children, I realized that they were my only friends, well besides digital.
The strange thing is when you sit down and watch a good movie and relate with the characters you get the same dopamine dump as if you were interacting with friends over a beer.
Maybe that’s why I’ve always loved reading so much, as well. Perhaps it’s the relatable characters that have kept me sane instead.
Never be caught without a good book to read. That’s my new rule. And let me tell you, a good book is hard to come by. Mostly because it takes writers like me years to ever produce something worth a damn. What can I say, there’s no substitute for practice! But that doesn’t keep us from putting it on the shelf for you to buy.
There probably should be a Fahrenheit 451 crew to burn all the non-worthy books that writers wrote before their prime. Maybe it would leave a positive mark on society. Or at least keep us from wasting our time reading crap.
I guess, when it came right down to it, talking with Ash helped me realize that I needed some real friends in my life. Preferably ones with good reading recommendations. Other than being a family man for the past eight years, I was just the guy watching. Observing people do their day-to-day just like I was doing mine. Then, later writing about it.
Being a writer is lonely work. Even if you’re married with four kids like I was. All the writing is done solo mia. All alone. Hell, even surrounded by my co-workers at the office, or by my family at home, when I’m typing, I’m in my own little world.
Just in my own little world now, typing this tidbit.
I guess I spend a lot of time in my own world reading a variety of things, too. Kinda a one-man job, reading. Is it though? Do couples read to each other? Maybe good ones.
Reading a variety of things is good for a fresh take on writing style and technique. But, who has time to read stuff they don’t enjoy? Much less, write it?
Really, I wish Terry Pratchett were still with us. I’ve run out of his stuff and am so in need of a good character right now that it hurts! Instead, I’m to the point now where I’m dangerously picking the literary line-up and oftentimes have to fall back on non-fiction self-help books, financial articles, and philosophical pick-me-ups.
God help me, or I may actually have to make a real friend! I feel sorry for Ash if it comes to that.
All-in-all I suppose I could just shut up and stop complaining. Sit down and start typing up the next best thing that’s missing in my life, or yours.
But it will have to be really good. I don’t want to write any stories that give potential friends of mine the wrong idea. I’d hate for them to read (or pretend to read) my work and think, ‘this guy’s writing sucks,’ but hey, that’s better than reading (or pretending to read) my shitty writing and say, ‘man I loved it.’
No. Can’t set me up for failure. I need something good. Something people, who know me will read, and say, “Why doesn’t this guy ever say anything? He’s so quiet.” Well, if I could speak as I can write, I wouldn’t have to hold down an hourly position on top of everything else! There’s gotta be classes for that. I should probably invest.
On the other hand, I can’t make it too good though, else someone might read it and think, “Where does this guy come up with this stuff? He’s gotta be really smart.” Then, I might seem unapproachable and be stuck in this hermit’s world of literate and digital friendships forever.
Whatever. It’s all the same dopamine dump, I guess. If my brain can’t tell the difference between sitting down with you over a cup of coffee and watching someone else do it. Why should it matter?
But it can tell the difference! That’s the thing.
There’s a reason why we DO things rather than just drag-to-refresh and watch everyone else do them. It’s because it makes us different in the eyes of our God.
“People ask me, ‘How do you do it? The exercising, the Wim Hof breathing, the ice baths, the meditation, the prayer?’ and I just tell them, it’s hard you know. But, you just do it,” Ash said to me.
We’d been discussing the bible. Uncrossing his legs, he said, “The whole book of Leviticus deals in commandments to Jews, which is basically the third book of the Torah. I mean, I can read Hebrew so I know what it says. My practices are what stand me apart.
“I’m not sure I’m right. Maybe you’re right with your Druidism. It sounds legit, who am I to judge? I think it’s great you’re going on a religious retreat to discover something. You may be right!”
I was feeling a little better after talking with a real human for a while. Even if I had based his persona on a fictional character.
“I’ve always felt that, too,” I said, “that it’s the work you put in that makes you special.”
“Well, it makes me different in the eyes of God. Why do you think they had all those ceremonies and crazy rituals they had to do while carrying around the Ark of the Covenant?” he asked.
“I thought it was just to keep the people busy,” I said.
“It was because the people were devoted to him. They showed it by following directions, that they trusted him.” He looked at me and said, “I always find it nice when someone parts ways with this new traditional Christ worship stuff and tries to get back to the roots of old religions like Hinduism.”
I was lying in bed with my wife when I suggested that we pray together for our children. She said, “No,” because she thought we were praying to different Gods.
I went and slept on the couch that night.
It took a few nights to eventually climb back in bed and move on, but it wasn’t more than a month before our marriage was over.
I thought back to the book I had written about substance abuse and alcoholism and remembered an Atheist from one meeting telling us how he began his recovery.
He said that even though he didn’t believe in God he decided to do exactly the same rituals that his sponsor did to see if it would work for him. So, each morning he got down on his knees and prayed to the heavens that he would make it through the day without a drink.
Then, every night, he got down on his knees and thanked the heavens for making it through the day without a drink.
Eventually, it had been eight years and he was still doing the same routine but had joined a church and gotten sober. Just like his mentor. I’m not saying to join a church and get sober.
I’m just saying, praying, speaking aloud in your head your desires and your thanks, taking the time to do that a couple of times a day, is the easiest and least of things you can do to show your interest in expressing your devotion to anything. It’s not the money you spend, the stuff you own, not even the things you do if you do them thoughtlessly…
It’s the devotion you have to something that carries the power. My wife is devoted to Jesus Christ.
Asher is devoted to God. He goes beyond words to show his devotion. So does she in ways…
There are those who claim all of their actions are in devotion. The raising of their children, going to work, helping their mother with the groceries… But isn’t that just another way of saying, I’m always doing things I’d rather not be doing? Sacrificing.
Personally, I think it is important to devote certain times and exercises to your personal values, especially education. Devotion boils down to consistency. Consistently finding joy in your own truth and respecting the truth of others who find joy in theirs.
There is however room here to talk of stupidity and intolerance.
Anger at stupidity or intolerance is a natural reaction, but there are other larger emotions that can replace them. Compassion and pity.
As Sadguru says, “If I’m in a good mood, it’s compassion. If I’m in a bad mood, pity.”
Why does he say that? Because getting angry is just showing them that you’re the smaller egg. Still unhatched. Just smaller.
Whose god is the greatest?
The one who’s all-inclusive I would imagine. Well, I mean, everyone is on his side — intrinsically, right?
The Druids use to say,
It’s the truth against the world.
But, If you’re Ash from the Evil Dead, and your compassion and pity are all dried up by the demons, well…
Have slapstick optimism and smile,
“Come get some. Let me show you my boomstick, baby!”
I finally took a shot at writing the next best thing that’s missing in your life-
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Jay Horne is an author and publisher out of Bradenton, Florida. As a father, he enjoys writing to teens and young adults. Listen to all of his works in progress for FREE at Bookflurry.com Where Book Clubs Grow.
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