Ready for a Better Relationship?
First, take a closer look at yourself.
Relationships serve as our mirrors. Whatever you believe about yourself, you will attract from others as well.
You will always manifest a partner who symbolizes your belief about your self-worth, your assumptions about people’s nature and the world in general.
When a woman is strangled in an abusive relationship, it does not mean she is not worthy of a better one. The codependence indicates what she values or despises about herself. She does not feel worthy of deserving any better.
People treat us the way we trained them and allowed them to treat us.
Nothing is more important than how you feel about yourself, as you are a magnet for all experiences which match your state of being. Whatever thoughts are running through your mind: I am not enough. I am not worthy of love. I am a joke. Those exact thoughts constitute the essence of your life, and that is precisely how other people see you and use you.
Most of the time, we are not aware of our preconditioned beliefs about ourselves. That is why we should appreciate the feedback more. And what the feedback may be? Your surroundings. Your friendships. Your relationship with your mother or father. Reality is a subjective mirror. You can tailor it to your benefit by changing the reflection: self-assumptions.
Our environment becomes a statement of how we treat ourselves.
When involved in a lying relationship, I was convinced it was precisely what I deserved. Worries and anxieties laid the foundation of my indecisiveness. I would not make up my mind because I listened to the voice of fear, thoughts ‘what might be’. Those intentions paved the way through my relationships with men, supervisors, and colleagues as well.
My next relationship represented a ‘responsible affection’. I loved him. I cared for him deeply. But I was not in love with him. There was no physical attraction, no butterflies involved.
At that point in my life, I assured myself I was doing what has been expected of a woman. Get together with a kind-hearted man, support each other, take care of one another. I lacked passion on all levels of my life. I was not in love with myself, my job, my life in general. All was stagnant. Good money was flowing steadily and surely. My job was nice. Just nice. Everything was vanilla. Even the scent of my body lotion reflected that. My favourite flavour of ice cream at that time was also vanilla. Like I said, nauseous wherever I went.
Many of you may argue, what is wrong with being in a steady relationship, having a nice life?
Well, in stagnation there is no growth.
I know, growth is uncomfortable. But only If we perceive it that way.
Stagnation gets boring. It becomes suffocating, sucking the life energy out of you very slowly. Some people may not be aware of getting drained little by little. Until one day, they wake up half-alive, realizing they lost their zest and curiosity for life.
Human beings are made for expansion.
Due to relationships with other people, we get to transform. Our faith gets challenged, assumptions become our worst enemies, only to grow from them. Adversities give us a new perspective on life and expand us as an individual.
Had not for people in our lives, and especially those who drive us crazy, cause the most pain, we wouldn’t stand a chance of becoming a better version of ourselves. We get to become resilient. We get to appreciate the goodness of human nature, to discover them like hidden gems.
Instead of looking at people as a nuisance, perceive them as a gift: what can you learn from them? What can you observe to improve your habits and elevate your emotions?
Stop reacting to the life around you and own your role as the source of creating it.
Become aware of how you respond to your needs.
Are you saying ‘yes’ to people in order to gain their love or validation?
Become mindful of how you treat yourself.
Become aware of the values driving your actions.
It is okay to set boundaries, as they are the reflection of your self-love. Do not feel guilty for spending time on your own. Do not feel ashamed for taking up new interests, which not necessarily suit others.
When you establish a new level of self-worth, you may feel the urge to start saying no, stop texting back. And you know what? It is okay. At first, people may appear shocked, even try to convince you to go their way, but you are in no obligation to do so. It is okay for them to feel the way they do, but it is more than okay for you to follow your path of feeling good.
Every time you agree to something you do not feel comfortable with, the action is based on fear. Where fear resides, there is also a great capacity for love and forgiveness. Which doorknob will you choose to go through? As you persevere despite the pain and red flags in the form of emotions, you are sabotaging the opportunity to grow. Where is self-respect in that? On what grounds would you expect somebody else to treat you better?
Power comes from doing something for the pleasure of doing it, not to feel loved and accepted by somebody else.
Start referring to yourself in capital letters.
When you nurture yourself, people treat you better as well.
Respect yourself, and maybe you will learn to respect your boundaries.
Respect yourself and perhaps you will distance yourself from the unfair judgment which scrutinizes your every move.
If your self-love is little, even though you think you love others much more, you will always sabotage your relationship, make it difficult or create other problems through your belief system about yourself.
If you do not feel worthy of love, you will never attract it with the level you truly deserve. You can only attract mediocre relationships or a person who reflects your point of view, your capacity to love oneself.
Life will always provide you with the essence which is active within you.
When you are in love with life, passionately waking up to greet the new day, more experiences to prove that feeling will flow to you.
When you hold love as your dominant vibration, the world will reflect it back to you.
How you feel about the world and yourself becomes the reason for what comes to you. It is an extremely powerful conviction to hold. Knowing that you are responsible for all the teachings life is offering to you, whether they feel comfortable or not, they are always rewarding and fair.
You cannot achieve a positive outlook on life once and for all. It is something you accumulate through practice and mindful observation of your attitudes and thoughts.
Do not be afraid of stepping into a relationship.
Yes, some may have hurt you. But look how much they have taught you as well.
Yes, you may have acted better. But look how smarter you are now and what can you apply to your new relationship.
Not every relationship is here for a lifetime. In fact, the only one is the relationship with yourself, and this is the one that should always be held as a priority.
Most relationships are here to teach us, make us grow, have fun, fall in love with life, not somebody else.
Every person opens a new door to your next self-development journey.
Do not be afraid to start a new relationship even if it is going to end sooner than you thought. Open your mind to new possibilities and precious lessons. Open your heart to new experiences and go with the flow called life.
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