Reactivity or the Modern way to ruin the Joy of the Moment
You get an email or a message notification.
You stop what you’re doing and rush to consult the email or the message.
There you focus your mental energy into answering.
While responding, another pop up shows with an emoji from your friend. You quick answer with an emoji or a full message to your friend.
Then you come back to your email/message, continuing to type what you were responding before the pop up emoji message from your friend appeared.
Meanwhile, your toddler/child in young age hands out a Lego construction for you to see what he/she did: you go down, give validation and hug your child.
Then back to the email or the message: you finally type it finished and send it.
Ufff ! That’s some mental space required from you in such a short period. Short period but lots of attention shift and reactivity on several fronts.
We live in a world of instant reward and most of us want the answers NOW.
But let’s observe this: the one person who texted/emailed/called you — it was when it was the most suitable for them. It was when they had a thought for you. It was when they remembered that this was something they wanted to ask/inform you about. By responding in reactivity (been there, done that — thank you PPS), you let your own order of priorities disappear while responding to someone else’s. We can agree that sometimes it’s an irresistible message of a friend that we’re so happy to receive that we instantly answer. A confession: I used to have hard time understanding friends who read the message, you see they have read but don’t answer directly. It used to irritate the old impatient me. Now I got to a level of understanding when it makes total sense: they answer when it suits them best (same as I send the message when it suited me best).
So how about letting go of that need of instant responsiveness?
I see it as a win-win peaceful scenario. We could all benefit from it: on one side you gain some chill attitude towards external stimuli and on the other you develop the skill of patience.
There are exceptions in work environments when few matters may require instant intervention. That wouldn’t be call unhealthy reactivity but simply doing the best out of the job one is responsible of.
3 Ways I decrease the « temptation » to instantly react:
- Turn off mobile notifications leaving only incoming calls on (people calling usually need an instant conversation or feedback).
- Consulting mobile applications when there is room for it, when it’s their level of priority.
- No sound, only low vibrations
- Fly mode during the night — sleep is sacred
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Until next time my dear reader, take care of yourself first and your loved ones after. You pull nothing “valuable” out of an empty jar. “La charité bien ordonnée commence par soi même” => “The well ordered charity starts with oneself” — French saying.
