Reaching for the Center of the Table

Summary

Jill Ebstein reflects on her grandmother's wisdom about sharing troubles, realizing that personal challenges are part of a collective human experience.

Abstract

Jill Ebstein recalls her grandmother's adage that if everyone were to place their troubles in the middle of a table, they would each take back their own. Initially, Jill found this concept intriguing but didn't see herself as an active participant. However, this year, she witnessed friends grappling with serious health issues, marital strife, and young adults struggling to find their place in the world. Amidst these observations, Jill found herself reaching back for her own troubles, including work pressures, the need to constantly self-promote, and the complexities of family dynamics. Despite these challenges, she also reclaimed sources of joy such as playing tennis, spending time with her dogs, and enjoying unscripted family dinners. Jill's experiences affirm her grandmother's insight that while life presents difficulties, it also offers moments of happiness and connection.

Opinions

Jill Ebstein believes in the power of shared human experiences and the personal growth that comes from understanding one's own troubles in the context of others'.
She acknowledges the resilience required to navigate the complexities of work and personal life.
Jill values the simple pleasures in life, such as a cup of coffee with a treat or an unscripted family dinner, as reminders of what is important amidst life's challenges.
She recognizes that personal loss and societal issues impact individuals deeply and that reaching back for one's own troubles can be a humbling and enlightening experience.
Jill's reflections suggest a deep appreciation for her grandmother's wisdom and the understanding that life's troubles are often accompanied by joy and learning opportunities.

Reaching for the Center of the Table

Jill Ebstein

Cristian Newman on Unsplash

My bubbie used to say, “If everyone puts their troubles in the center of the table, they reach back for their own.” As a child, I thought this was somewhere between funny and curious. I enjoyed the image of a pile full of troubles in the center of a table — some combination of words, images, and even voices that might beckon us. Never though did I see myself as an active participant at this table.

This year I experienced my bubbie’s saying differently. Suddenly I was looking at one close friend who had experienced a sudden stroke. Another dear friend was experiencing marriage trauma as she and her husband approached their 46th year together. I shuddered at the political chasms within and across my community where people’s integrity and soul were being challenged. I spoke with many young adults in their twenties, looking for their foothold and wondering why the world was not the open opportunity-rich environment they had imagined. Personal loss, broken hearts, uncertainty, confusion, and financial distress were all sitting at the center of my table.

And as my bubbie predicted, I reached back for what I had cast in the center. The vicissitudes of work, the relentless need to sell and explain oneself to clients (and sometimes to family), the foregoing of an organized home that might suggest an organized life, and the distance with which I must love my kids all came back within my grasp. I understand that I only occasionally get to weigh in on my children’s decisions just as I understand that when my husband’s mood goes south, it is seldom about me, and more often about the complicated world we inhabit.

But along with the challenges I have repossessed from the center of the table, I made sure to grab some things that bring joy. Tennis, my two golden doodles, the mid-day cup of coffee with pecan mandelbrot and my Wall Street Journal to browse, some good work for good clients, an unscripted dinner with family where humor accompanies a glimpse into our personal travails … they all remind me that my bubbie had it right. She usually did.