“Rape’s Not Really That Big A Deal”

Summary

The context discusses the author's response to a comment trivializing the impact of rape and the subsequent consequences for the individual who made the insensitive remarks on Medium.

Abstract

Elle Beau recounts a disturbing exchange where a Medium user dismisses the gravity of rape, claiming it's "not really that big a deal" and suggesting any trauma experienced by the victim is "entirely in her head." Beau vehemently refutes this stance, underscoring the profound emotional and psychological damage caused by rape, particularly in wartime scenarios where it is strategically used as a tool of humiliation and dehumanization. She emphasizes the inherent vulnerability women feel during sexual intercourse and asserts that the violation of consent during sexual acts can lead to devastating long-term effects, with a significant number of survivors developing PTSD. When the individual's offensive comments are reported by a friend of Beau for violating Medium's community guidelines, there is hope that he may be banned from the platform for failing to edit his remarks. The author reflects on the importance of personal storytelling as empowerment, quoting Anne Lamott on the ownership of one's experiences and the right to recount them, especially in the face of others' poor behavior.

Opinions

The individual's opinion that rape is not a significant concern is strongly condemned by the author, who sees it as a form of denial and victim blaming.
Beau opines that heterosexual sex is an experience that cannot be fully comprehended by those who have not lived it as women, highlighting its emotional and psychological complexity.
The author's friend, Lorelei Weldon, believes that trivializing or downplaying suffering or abuse, such as rape, is a serious offense, warranting intervention by Medium's moderators.
The author expresses satisfaction with Medium's enforcement of its rules and the removal of the offending comment, indicating her belief in the importance of content moderation to maintain community standards.
The author champions the idea of owning one's narrative, suggesting that the act of sharing personal stories can be an act of defiance and empowerment against those who have caused harm.

At least that’s what he told me

The Women: “Yeah, well, I fucking think that’s bullshit. Everything about that stupid “crime” is utter bullshit, including pretending it really hurt the victim. It was entirely in her head.” The profile name alone should have tipped me off.

Me: Saying that having your bodily autonomy violated without your consent doesn’t actually hurt someone is just a heinous thing to say! Why do you think rape is such a common weapon of war? Because it’s so humiliating and dehumanizing — that’s why!

“Let me be clear. Heterosexual sex, as experienced by women, is something that straight men will never understand. The acute vulnerability that is induced by having something enter your very being, your insides; sometimes it even feels like it’s your soul that’s being penetrated. Sex for women requires trust on a level that is rivaled by almost nothing: your body can feel as fragile and as easy to break as an ice sculpture. It is, quite frankly, hardly surprising that women tend to feel more attached after intercourse, or that casual sex is just harder to do as a female. And insofar as consensual sex without affection can be damaging and arresting, it’s no wonder that non-consensual sex can ruin your life (98% of women who are raped suffer with PTSD).”

Don’t be an asshole!

But he was anyhow………

My friend Lorelei Weldon reported him for violating Medium rules against trivializing or downplaying suffering or abuse. I really hope he’s too stubborn and proud to edit his comments and gets booted from the site. I’m a pretty tolerant person who understands that hurting people hurt, but ya know what, there’s a limit!

Update: The comment was suspended for rules violations and as far as I can determine, that guy is no longer on Medium.

“You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” ~Ann Lamott

© Copyright Elle Beau 2020 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.