Raising Children

Summary

Effective child-rearing involves consistent parental agreement on values and behaviors, open communication, and setting a positive example through lived values and family traditions.

Abstract

Raising children successfully requires parents or guardians to align on their approach, focusing on core principles like respect and responsibility. They should communicate these values clearly, ensuring that their actions consistently reflect these principles. Establishing family traditions and rituals helps reinforce these values, while maintaining a united front when making decisions prevents children from exploiting potential differences between parents. Discipline should be administered calmly and rationally, with explanations provided for rules and expectations. Quality time spent with children, including shared meals, fosters a strong family bond. Parents are urged to model the behaviors they expect from their children, as children learn more from observation than instruction. Consistency and patience are key in instilling good habits, with the understanding that the impact of a parent's example and expectations will manifest over time.

Opinions

Parents should present a united front in child-rearing to avoid mixed signals and prevent children from playing them against each other.
Discipline should be delivered with emotional control, reserving raised voices for serious situations to maintain respect and understanding.
Spending quality time with children is crucial, and should be a deliberate part of the daily routine if it doesn't occur naturally.
Parents must practice what they preach, demonstrating the values and behaviors they wish to see in their children.
The development of good habits in children is a long-term process that requires effort, consistency, and patience from parents.
Family traditions and rituals are important tools for teaching children about values and establishing a framework for behavior.
Parents should be open to explaining the reasoning behind their expectations and rules to their children, fostering an environment of respect and understanding.

Raising Children

Image by Rhonda Carrier

Parents or guardians should first agree on how they will raise their children. Consider what you both consider good expected behaviors and reinforce that through consistent example and communication.

Focus on a few overarching concepts like “respect” and “responsibility.” Decide on what they mean for the family and live by them. If you get the “big rocks” right, the little pebbles fall into place.

Always honor and respect each other and teach children to do the same. Family traditions and rituals like date nights, birthdays celebrations, anniversaries, church/temple attendance, celebration days and special acknowledgments all help frame this behavior and allow it to spill over into everyday living.

Do not send mixed signals to children. They should not be allowed to play one parent against the other. Children should expect that parents will agree on decisions. When “grey and problem areas” crop up, delay a decision until you both have had the opportunity to discuss and agree upon a response.

Always try to explain the rationale behind your expectations and rules. Try not to frustrate your children by cutting them off, refusing to listen to them, or by not being willing to provide reasonable answers to questions.

Try to keep emotions in check when disciplining children. While it is occasionally useful for your child to experience your displeasure and anger through your raised voice, use that voice sparingly so your child understands that when you do it, the situation warrants it. At all times, be firm but in control when disciplining.

Make the effort to spend time with your children. If it is not a spontaneous habit, purposefully carve out a specific time in your day to do so.

Have your meals together. Being fully present at the table for the family meal allows for a regular time to talk and laugh together.

Practice what you preach. Children should see you living by the rules you say are important. Of course there are are exceptions to age related differences, but if you insist on them being patient, being kind, or acting appropriately, they should be able to see you model the same.

Finally, the development of good habits takes time, effort and consistency. Over time, in the long run, your lived values, expectations and example will bear fruit.

Quote: Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. (Robert Fulghum)