avatarJennifer Haubrich

Summary

The web content is a humorous quiz comparing the experience of attending a kid's indoor sports tournament with going clubbing in your 20s.

Abstract

The article presents a satirical quiz that humorously juxtaposes the experiences of a parent attending their child's indoor sports tournament with the nostalgic memories of clubbing in one's twenties. It lists a series of relatable scenarios, such as the stress of preparation, the cost of entry, the sensory overload, and the exhaustion that follows, cleverly blurring the lines between the two seemingly disparate activities. The punchline reveals that all but one of the listed experiences apply to both scenarios, with the final point humorously acknowledging the additional responsibility of parenthood.

Opinions

  • The author suggests that the stress and coordination required for both events are comparable to a space shuttle launch, highlighting the intensity and importance of the preparation.
  • There is a comedic exaggeration about the unpredictability of entry, the high cost of admission, and the impersonal treatment by staff, which is humorously presented as a shared experience between the two settings.
  • The article pokes fun at the sensory assault of loud noises and strong odors, as well as the social dynamics of trying to find friends in a crowded place.
  • The author playfully notes the irony of dressing up only to wish for more comfortable shoes, a sentiment that resonates with both parents at sports events and young adults at clubs.
  • A humorous comparison is made between the desire to be at home and the fleeting moments of enjoyment and connection that make the experience worthwhile.
  • The exhaustion and disorientation felt during the event are described in a relatable manner, with the author humorously questioning the passage of time and the cleanliness of the environment.
  • The article concludes with a touch of sarcasm, as the author feigns disappointment at the prospect of leaving, despite the clear signs of fatigue and the longing for the comfort of home.
  • The final point underscores the reality of parental responsibilities that extend beyond the late nights of clubbing, as the next day requires the parent to wake up early for another child's event.

Humor | Satire | Parenting

Quiz: Attending Your Kid’s Indoor Sports Tournament or Going Clubbing in Your 20s?

You should’ve worn more comfortable shoes

Photo by Sarah Wolfe on Unsplash
  1. The amount of coordinating with your group and the stress of getting ready is akin to a space shuttle launch. And just as serious!
  2. Arriving at your destination feels like an accomplishment — until you see the line to get in.
  3. The line may move quickly or slowly. No one understands the whims of the gatekeepers.
  4. Eventually, a bored guy with a mystifying sense of superiority searches your bag. When he waves you on, you feel a palpable sense of relief. He didn’t notice the emergency granola bar zipped inside your bag!
  5. The price of admission is borderline offensive.
  6. An attendant takes your payment and puts a wristband on you without making eye contact or stopping the conversation she’s having with another attendant about a girl named Hailey who’s a “truck slut.”
  7. The first thing you notice once inside is how loud it is. It sounds less like music and more like noise. Thankfully, after a few moments, your ears adjust. Or maybe you’ve lost a bit more of your hearing.
  8. As you scan the crowd for people you know, your nose picks up familiar scents: sweat, Axe Body Spray, and either weed or natural deodorant. Or maybe weed-scented deodorant.
  9. Some people seem very enthusiastic about being there, others weary.
  10. No one cares what you’re wearing. You should have worn more comfortable shoes.
  11. There’s a part of you that wishes you were home watching Grey’s Anatomy.
  12. People keep banging into you and they aren’t people you know.
  13. Eventually, you spot your people. You can tell it’s them because some in your group have coordinated outfits.
  14. You have to remain vigilant, so you don’t get hit in the face.
  15. Many people seem to know what’s going on a lot better than you do.
  16. Once things get going you yell, clap and cheer, jump up and down, and maybe even move in a way that could be considered dancing.
  17. You feel happy you came. You’re making memories with people you care about. Isn’t this what life is all about?!
  18. Around the third or fourth hour, you hit a wall. Your eyes feel like two fried eggs propped open with toothpicks. The toothpicks are the cheap kind. More like splinters.
  19. You’re ready to leave way before everyone else.
  20. You feel tempted to sit on the floor even though it’s filthy.
  21. Time seems to expand and contract. There are no windows in here. Is it day or night? You find it hard to even remember what month it is. Did Halloween happen yet?
  22. You decide to buy a $10 bottle of water and eat your contraband granola bar.
  23. You feel the energy surge of a second wind and the undeniable feeling of accomplishment. You. are. doing. this!
  24. The rest of the time is a blur.
  25. When everyone agrees it’s time to leave you act like that’s a shame.
  26. You’re the only one who stays awake on the drive home. Thankfully, you’re driving.
  27. The next day you sleep until 1 p.m. then order pizza and watch TV all afternoon.
  28. The next day you have to wake up at 6:30 a.m. and take your other child to an outdoor track meet 2 hours away.

#1–27: Going clubbing in your 20s.

#1–26, #28: Attending your kid’s indoor sports tournament.

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